+ 'the big story out of europe today', craig ferguson leads, 'was the art heist out of roterdam.  the theft took place at an art museum, it was a very big heist.  experts say that its the biggest heist since someone took obama's balls during the first debate.  the dutch police arent sure if the thieves were professionals because they got away with paintings by matisse and monet, but they didnt take anything by salvador dali.  right now the police are searching for the paintings all over the netherlands, inside homes, on top of buildings, tucked between dykes...  anyway, i was sad to hear that the paintings are still missing, the museum will be empty.  how will i pass the time when i visit the netherlands?!?  youre right, drugs and hookers...  in a way though, youve got to hand it to these thieves.  its not easy sneaking up and stealing stuff in the netherlands, usually your wooden shoes give you away!'
- lauren graham
* james patterson
= michael kiwanuka

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