+ 'its may day today', craig ferguson reminds, 'its the first of may. now, dont confuse that with mayo day, which is the day i slather everything in mayonnaise. everything except my food. well, i do butter my crumpets... anyway, i'm not that excited about may this year because this month i reach a big milestone. i turn... 30 this year. no, i turn 50 this month! that means i have to undergo certain 'procedures'. right now a doctor in los angeles is going 'ferguson is coming in soon, reinforce the ass camera'. anyway, may day is when we celebrate the labor movement. today 'occupy wall street' held protests all over the country. they've been quiet for a while, so this is part way to let people know they are back in business. i let people know i'm back in business the old fashioned way: show a little leg, put a red light outside the door. thats right, i am a prostitute. a mayonnaise covered prostitute with buttered crumpets!'
- jesse tyler ferguson
- lennon parham