+ 'last night there was a close call for planet earth', criag ferguson shares, 'we had a giant asteroid pass by, it was only 200,000 miles from earth. the experts said 'thats not going to hit us', i was still nervous. last night i was screaming 'not the face! not the face!' but we are all right, and i say good riddance asteroid! this is a true thing, the asteroids went by. we dont need you, the human race is perfectly capable of destroying itself. 'oh craig, thats biting commentary about climate change', and i'm like 'no, its just pessimism fueled by a difficult childhood. and a love of dark chocolate.' the asteroid was huge though, it was 1300 feet across. thats the same size as michael moore's ass. the scientists gave it a lame name, they called it 'YU55'. they shouldnt call it that, it should be called something like 'death rock' or 'big floaty boulder'! anyway, nasa says that if the the asteroid would have hit earth it would have caused a 7.4 magnitude earthquake. if it had hit the sea it would have caused a 70 foot tsunami. if it hit were the land met the sea, for example somewhere on the jersey shore, it could have knocked the drink from snooki's hand! now, realistically of course, if we ever face a collision with an asteroid, nasa will do what they do best: assemble a rag-tag band of good looking welders to go up there and kick that rock's ass! you know, they will blow it up with the most powerful weapon ever invented: the power of the ballad! like they did in that movie 'armageddon', you know when they did that thing and steven tyler did his singing thing. it was sexy and creepy because he was singing the song while ben affleck was getting it on with steven tyler's daughter!'
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