+'its still not a great day here at CBS', craig ferguson admits, 'everyone here is still a little bit sad and we are still reeling from yesterdays news about andy rooney retiring. when i first heard about this i thought 'here we go, another sexting scandal!' turns out he's leaving '60 minutes' to pursue his true calling: mixed martial arts. i'm really kind of sad about andy being gone. larry king retired, then regis retired, and now andy rooney retiring. i'm one of the last grumpy old dudes on tv! sunday will be andy rooney's final appearance on 60 minutes. after that his eyebrows will be shipped to the smithsonian where they will delight tourists and children for generations to come. 'in olden days, kids, these things roamed the prairies in great herds, the whole country was dark with them- then the white man came.' there's big news around here anyway, cbs is throwing a 'going away' dinner for andy at three o'clock in the afternoon! they want me to dress like a stripper and pop out of the cake but i wont do it! lets just say that you dont want to be covered in icing when morley saffer is around... he's got a sweet tooth and quick hands! andy rooney started working at cbs back in 1949! now tv was a lot different back then, for one thing you had to watch shows actually on television- not on your phone, on television! and there was no remote so you actually had to walk all the way up there and change the channel. the good news is you only had to do it twice and thats everything. 'three whole channels and there's still nothing to watch in tv!' but back then there were no reality shows, no late night talk shows, no kardashian shows. in other words, it was the golden age! channels were different back then too, there was the history channel back then, but it was just simply called 'now'.'
- rashida jones
* jonathan ames