+ 'it is a great day if you've got a beard', craig ferguson shares, 'but its always a great day if you've got a beard! the police have arrested two men who have been breaking into the houses of amish men and shaving off their beard! now, as you know, the amish reject most forms of technology. they are like old people, but on purpose. which is kind of a dumb thing to say because you dont become old by accident. anyway, the debeardings were committed by other members of the amish community. fox has already announced a new reality show called 'when amish attack'. the beard attacks have rocked the amish community. towns like intercourse, pennsylvania. all summer nobody could get through intercourse without hearing about it. in the town square conversations were going on all day because some people like to talk in the middle of intercourse. by the way, if you are in pennsylvania and you want to skip intercourse, why not travel on route 69. its the scenic route, you know, so make sure you take the time to stop and smell the roses... you know, it takes you all the way to jackson hole!'
+ betty white comes on to announce she is running for president with the slogan 'white power'. um, she might want to rethink that one...

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