+ 'its a great day if you like the strange records', craig ferguson states, 'the new guinness book of world records is out today. i always wanted to get in it. some people have more than one title in the guinness book of records. for example, the man who holds the record for the worlds longest fingernails also holds the record for worlds most cautious masturbator. i actually have a friend in the guinness book of records, my friend regis philban. he holds the record for the person who has been on tv the longest! 15,662 hours! i cant imagine doing that many hours of television. but some nights here... holding on to a guinness record is difficult though, the average record only stands for about 13 months. its just the nature of the game. if you are the guy who can squirt milk 10 feet out of your eyes you know there's always someone younger and squirtier coming up after you. did you know that the guinness book of records was founded in ireland, it really was, in 1950. it was originally a way to set trivia based arguments in irish bars. you know, any irish bar i've ever been it though you cant go 'alright, calm down everyone, lets check the book to find out, hold your horses!'. before the book all they had to settle the arguments was the irish tradition of a broken bottle to the face!'
+ today geoff became a man...

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