audience participation

i am going to california this weekend and i have tickets to see craig live on monday! ever since i first talked to my friend about going out there and seeing him i always told him 'ill come, as long as we go see craig.' well, he is a man of his word, and i will be seeing craig tape his show in less than a week! i am super excited!
it looks like the guest list was recently posted on his website, and on monday it will be neil patrick harris! wow!!! ill actually be there to see craig talk with barney! needless to say, i am very excited about the whole thing...

*update* looks like the guest list has changed, now its going to be aisha tyler and richard branson. oh well, im sure it will still be a blast!

in this corner...

recently entertainment weekly did an article of 'whos better?' matchups. they pitted different shows or movies against each other and had two writers defend one or the other as the best. matchups included x-files verses lost, bob dylan verses kelly clarkson, star wars verses star trek, etc.
well, one of those matchups was quite exciting: craig ferguson verses conan obrien. one writer defended craigs comfortable style and european wit, while the other stuck up for conans chaotic humor and non sequiturs.

i think the title of the matchup explains who won...


+ the latest 'richest man in the world' list has just come out and warren buffett is number one. 'take that bill gates!' says craig shaking his fist in the air, 'who is warren buffett anyway? is it jimmys brother? maybe he made all his money inventing the all-you-can-eat buffet!'
the monologue is especially funny tonight because its obvious that he has a terrible crowd and its an up hill battle for him the whole time. he makes a go of it, but cant quite get them on his side. its quite interesting to see him try to win them back.
+ the next installment of 'prince charles in l.a.: keeping it royal' shows him trying to fend off the paparazzi while going out on a date with shanna moekler. its funny, and shanna is quite funny playing along with the setup.
- wanda sykes from 'new adventures of old christine'
- saffron burrows from 'the bank job' and 'boston legal'
- grizzly bear they actually sounded kind of cool, they had great harmony. oh, and great fake mustaches...


+ craig starts by telling us of his enthusiasm for the show 'project runway', a clothing design competition. 'its kind of like american gladiators, but less gay' he admits. he shares a great quote by oscar wilde who said 'fashion is an ugliness so intolerable we have to alter it every six months', but cites that wilde also said 'im drunk, lets find some sailors!' project runways hosted by heidi klum who is married to seal. craig speculates that she must have met him when she went out clubbing...
+ it seems that craig was at one time a male model! he says he was very punk rock at the time, and realizing the irony of it, says at that age 'i never wanted a job where i would have to wear a suit and sit behind a desk...'
- dennis hopper talks about his motorcyle trips and invites craig to tag along sometime
- yunjin kim who plays sun from lost


before i get to the show, i must admit that i didnt get to see all of it. due to election news coverage, my dvr did not tape the second half of the show, so i didnt get to see any of the guests, which really aggravates me because collective soul was going to be on! argh!!!
+ there was a recent 20/20 special on the british monarchy, craig tells, that was quite interesting. barbara walters, or as craig calls her 'americas perky sweetheart', talks with and about the royal family. he concludes that the monarchy are a bunch of losers with terrible teeth. i cant say i disagree.
+ craig talks about how he is excited to see the new fox show 'new amsterdam' about a 400 year old detective trying to solve crimes. he shares how new york used to be controlled by the dutch and signs of their involvement are still seen today- both harlem and brooklyn were originally named by the dutch. hmm, interesting. thats what we love about ya craig, we get a good laugh and we learn something new...
+ an emailer asks an interesting question: 'since the fda recently approved cloned beef for sale in grocery stores, doest that mean you can have the same burger twice?'
then, sadly, my recording ends.


+after a bit of a microphone problem, craig starts getting political. it is a primary tuesday, and its being touted as a 'super tuesday' sequel, so craig ponders on what the sequel should be called and concludes it should be known as 'super tuesday 2: legend of curlys gold'. he mentions that jack nicholson has recently released an ad in support of hillary clinton that shows clips from some of his movies and ends with him saying he supports hillary. craig responds 'that doesnt make me want to go out and vote! it doesnt say 'vote', it says 'stay away from booze!' you cant handle vermouth...'
-brooke shields boy, there is a lot of flirting going on...
-> ming tsai a funny chef who makes craig some 'mings bings'
> michelle biloon a rather unfunny comedian


+ its leap day, and craig is leaping around in topics to talk about. he mentions a blackout in florida, and figures all the old people werent too shocked, they just thought it was their time to go... except that there was no light at the end of the tunnel- no lights at all! he mentions the movie 'the other boleyn girl' which stars scarlett johanson and natalie portman. 'i think they were already in a movie together called 'underpants pillow fight', or maybe that was just in my head...'
+ an interview with (fake) arnold schwarzenegger has him giving his support for a presidential candidate: 'i support john mcclane for president'. close, but im pretty sure its supposed to be john mccain...
-coolio talking about his youtube series of cooking advice
= dweezil zappa
< jason randal a magician with whom craig seems to really get along with.
craig continues his new friday night tradition of loosening his tie at the end of the week.

in the news

last month ran an article about craig. it speaks of his more intimate style of sharing with the audience instead of a canned written monologue that all the other late night guys seem to do.
heres a quote: "During his show (weeknights at 12:37 a.m. EST), Ferguson is a kinetic cutup, loose-limbed and quick-witted. While he carries on, his face cycles briskly from wide-eyed wonderment to sly knowingness, naughty flirtation, that expansive, charming grin."

not bad, huh? the rest of the article can be found here.


+ tonight craig has his mind on money. he starts by mentioning how michael jackson might have to sell off his neverland ranch, he wonders why celebrities waste all their money on such foolish things 'you know, giraffes in the back yard isnt really a sound real estate investment...'. he goes on to quote george best, a famous irish footballer, who, talking of his fortune, said 'ive spent 90% on booze, women, and fast cars. the rest i just wasted.' he goes on to rail against donald trump, who dispenses the advise 'think big and kick ass'. to which craig points out that it also helps, like in trumps case, to have a daddy give you your first twenty million...
+ while behind his desk he talks of something that is dank, smelly, and dirty, thus eliciting his catch phrase '...remind you of anyone?' to which there is a great celebration! it seems that he has just said his 1000th 'remind you of anyone?'! congrats craig, its the little things that are so important...
+ the latest installment of 'prince charles in l.a.: keepin' it royal' is shown as he looks for a job, and we are even treated to a 'michael caine in space'!
- carl bernstein, one of the journalists who cracked the watergate scandal.

email time

one of the funny bits that craig does is that he reads and answers viewer email. each time he does it he always asks 'do we have time for an email?' and looks off camera to a producer. the answer is always yes. a while ago he started having a special 'email time' graphic and song. it always includes a little ditty, and some form of craig looking silly. he has gone through many different musical genres, the latest of which is 80s new wave. the song is quite silly because its a perfect spoof!
click the 'email time' link in the labels just below to see all the different variations so far.


+ earlier in the day craig went to the dentist to have a tooth removed. he said he was still feeling the after effects of the dentists drugs, and his loopy mood was a sure sign of that! hes pumped full of medication, you know what that means: davis is back! davis is his imaginary sidekick that pops up every once in a while to great comic effect. i do love me some davis!
craig talked about why he had the tooth removed- now that he is an american citizen, he needed to get rid of the last british things about him, thus the tooth must go! but he did say that he was not going to get rid of his speedos- 'youll have to pry them from my cold dead nads!' he talks about the poor dental health of those back home, 'back in scotland we didnt go to the dentist, it was against the law! too fancy.'
+craig ponders how it is that dentists always want to talk just after they begin putting their hands in your mouth. and somehow they are able to understand the nonsense mutterings you make. 'its the same skill used to understand paula abdul'.
+an emailer asks 'why do you always slap the desk?'. without skipping a beat, craig responds 'well, its rude to slap the guests.'
- eric bana, sporting a shaved head
= barry manilow (who i still think stole the emmy from craig. im not bitter... much)


+ craig talks a bit about the upcoming election and all the arguing going on between obama and clinton. he just wishes them both luck by offering this encouragement: 'may the best man win!'
today starbucks was closed for three hours and craig goes off on a great rant about the place. first, he mentions that its named after the first mate from the book 'moby dick'. asks why they didnt just call the place 'moby dicks', then he realizes that name is already taken, its the name of a bar in west hollywood... a wink at the camera, 'call me, ishmael!' a great joke for those who are familiar with the book! well done, craig, way to keep it literate!
+ a little suggestion for keeping a dog busy for hours- put peanut butter in its teeth! oh, it works on old people too...
- regis philbin. he seems to very don rickles like, they seem to share a similar sense of humor.
= alice smith.


+ it seems that craig has created for himself a new catchphrase: 'what can you do? hes-a crazy!' and finds hilarious uses for it through out the episode. he talks about his trip up to wisconsin over the weekend to do stand-up, and reminds us where wisconsin is using another silly map. he mentions that he played in an indian 'gaming facility', and obsesses about how cold it was there!
+ craig posses and interesting question: have you ever seen barbara walters and andy rooney in the same place? perhaps they are really the same person!! he also shows a clip of 'atonement' crossed with his favorite movie of the year: ghost rider! uptight british people with flaming skulls for heads- amazing!
- jennifer beals. she totally has a crush on him!
- carrie ann inaba. a judge on some worthless show, and she laughs too much. creepy.


+craig talks about the latest news that parker brothers has begun developing its popular board games to be made into movies. 'what a ridiculous idea!' he breaks out into a movie announcer guy voice 'in a world where you cant pass go...'!
he goes on to talk about how terrible the whole red carpet this is at award shows. "all it is is gay guys saying things like 'oh, angelina looks terrible in that...' no she doesnt! you are just a bitter old drag queen!" it reminds him of guys who eat the buffet at strip clubs, theyve given up on sex and food.
+ one of craigs frequent guests betty white comes out to help with a gag. she comes out and pretends to be an accountant for pricewaterhousecoopers, the company responsible for keeping the oscar results secret.
- fred willard. he is always so cooky!
- rachel bilson. talking about 'jumper'
+ he seems to be starting a new tradition since the writers strike ended. at the end of each friday night show he loosens his tie and tells us all to enjoy the weekend. i dig it.


+ craig briefly talks about the john mccain affair scandal. he asks why we are so hard on these people? everyone makes mistakes. he asks 'if we dont make mistakes, how can you be expected to learn anything?'
+ craig gets a kick out of the fact that you can get away with saying almost anything, as long as you start off by saying 'allegedly...' and then he goes on a rant about how he hates squirrels- 'all they are are rats with fur coats! just earthbound pigeons! all they do is steal your nuts, but dont do anything with them, they just hide your nuts!'
+ when we come back there is some guy doing an impression of craig, introducing his guest prince charles (played by craig). it was funny, but who ever they have doing the craig impression is terrible! wow, its really bad and not that funny.
- don rickles. i cant really tell, is he still funny? im not sure, i think he might be funny out of respect for all those who seem to love him, but his jokes are all so racist that im not sure if it really is funny...
- joe mantegna. he appears in the larry the cable guy movie 'witless protection'. wow, when did he start to sink so low?


+craig talks about a swiss inventor who created a new car, based on inspiration from james bond, that goes underwater ('does it have windshield wipers?'). as a little helper, he shows another funny map so we are aware of where switzerland is.
today marks a very special day: craigs gives his new imaginary sidekick a name! all last week craig was feeling sick, and he took doctor prescribed medicine, and started acting especially loopy! he announces that his sidekicks name is davis!!!
+ an emailer asks a very interesting question: 'why do you say welcome back after a commercial break? we didnt go anywhere, and neither did you.' this flusters craig, he says that its just the way things are done. 'its just an expression, like 'i do'...'
+ craig calls the b.s. that is 'american idol'. its just garbage. followed by a new 'simon cowell m.d.' skit.
- tom selleck. hes got a new 'jesse stone' dvd coming out.
- dario franchitti. a nascar driver.


+ craig talks about the fact that after all these years, fidel castro finally steps down. he reminds us where cuba is located with another funny map!
+ an emailer asks a good question: 'why doesnt glue stick to the inside of the bottle?' hmmm...
+ they roll a few funny clips from different oscar nominated movies including a 'no country for old men' spoof that has the killer sucking down the helium- 'call it, friend-o'! also a clip from 'juno' with silly voices.
- andre benjamin. he is appearing in 'semi-pro', and he and craig cannot seem to get off the topic of body hair...
> melinda hill. why do almost all women comedians act like airheads and speak with such ridiculous high voices? maybe im alone on this, but i usually get so annoyed by this that i dont often find them funny.


presidents day.
+craig begins by talking about the nation of denmark, at which point he shows a silly map pointing out where it is found on the map. he begins talking about soren kierkegaard, a danish philosopher. he announces that there are three philosophical truths: 1. i think therefor i am. 2. believe those who are seeking the truth, but doubt those who say they have found it. 3. he who smelt it dealt it.
+vending machines. he asks why is it that vending machines always spit the dollar back out? 'im trying to give you money, and you dont want it?!? ill walk away, mister!'
+a couple skits: 'U2 film review', which is a funny take on this years oscar nominated pictures. and a 'simon cowell m.d.' skit.
- alice cooper. introduced as 'the kierkegaard of rock and roll!'
- angela kinsey. angela from 'the office'. surprisingly speaks fluent indonesian.

map legend

here is a key into how i will organize each shows entry:
the title will be the date of its original airing.
the monologue and other segments with out guests will begin with a '+'. each segment after a commercial break will begin the same way.
once the guests are on, each segment will begin with a symbol as well. they will be designated as follows:
- actors or celebrity figures
= musical acts
-> chefs

the deal

so heres the deal: i decided that it would be cool to keep a record of craigs shows. its a bit ridiculous and meticulous, but its fun. so from now on i will be including rundowns of the shows, guest lists, photos, and other little tidbits from craigs shows.
i know this is quite an undertaking, but i think it will be great. hopefully you enjoy it too!