+ 'its the first week of summer vacation', craig ferguson states, 'kids in america spend 180 days in school, kids in japan spend 243 days.  that is a difference of... some days!  i don't know, i dropped out of school, that's why i'm on cbs in the middle of the night- let this be a warning to you!  now that school's out, a lot of teenagers will be looking for jobs like the lifeguards.  not here in l.a., it different, public pools do not have lifeguards, we have life coaches.  if they see you struggling in the water, they ask 'are you happy with the decisions you are making?'  then they give you a pamphlet for a yoga studio.  i hate this town.  i hated summer jobs when i was a teenager, they were so mundane and repetitious that they deadened my soul.  on the bright side, they were good training for this job!  i'm working dark, eh?  i spend my summers as a dickensian street urchin cleaning chimneys.  you know, when i was a teenager i worked at a carnival- i was a carnie.  i never really fit into the lifestyle, something about my hands not having hooks...  'look at you with all your fingers!  and both your eyes facing the same way!'.'
margaret cho
- hugh dancy

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