6-03-13

+ 'its a very historic day for law enforcement', craig ferguson informs, 'the supreme court has ruled that police now have the right to take DNA samples.  oh dear!  this decision has split the court.  judge scolia said that it establishes a terrifying precedent, obama's administration has said that its the right thing to do, and anthony wiener said 'who wants to see my penis?'.  now when you get arrested you have to get your finger printed and your cheek swabbed.  even if you are reese witherspoon!  we already have a database of everyone's fingerprints, and the plan is to have a database of everyone's dna.  and that way we can find out how many children arnold schwarzanegger really has!  the dna testing has changed many things, it made the game of clue go much faster.  'we've tested everyone's dna, professor plum, you did it.  everyone else, you may go home'.  dna evidence will be used even more in courtrooms now.  do you remember the oj simpson trial?  the dna evidence was very new back then, so the jury felt more comfortable relying on evidence they could trust, like rhymes.  'if the glove don't fit, you must acquit!'  it rhymes!  so that proves it!  every time there is new technology in law enforcement people get a bit uneasy.  i'm sure people were probably against finger printing when it started in the late 1800's.  i'll have to ask larry king since he was around at the time.'
= steven tyler
- olga kurylenko

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