summary

lately craig ferguson has been getting a bit undressed at the end of his show. he started with just undoing his tie, and now takes off his shoes and socks as well.

craig got comfy, took off his shoes and tie and took a minute to summarize the show for us. here is the summary, and keep in mind, all of this was improvised: 'its getting late everybody, if youve stayed with the show this long, youve got to ask yourself a couple questions- first of all: why? are you really that lonely?!? but i think its been an interesting show, for example, what do you think weve learned tonight? well, weve learned that i shouldnt really drink coffee before the show, or take my extra hit of crystal meth... we had some wonderful guests on the show. aisha tyler was here, and we learned from her that hotel sex is better when there are two people in the room... let me rephrase that, at least two people in the room. we learned that i have one sexual position that i like, or indeed, know. we also learned from sir richard branson that rich people enjoy massage. we learned branson would like me to be the face of earth as we go into space. i think that we have learned that he is clearly insane. but hes very wealthy, so i kiss his ass anyway. we learned that branson founded 'virgin', but aisha tyler is not one.

good night everybody!!!'

richard branson

craig welcomes sir richard branson, the founder and chairman of virgin group. he walks in and immediately puts his feet up on craigs desk. craig realizes 'you are hugely wealthy, i should probably suck up to you a bit more' and proceeds to rub bransons shoulders, to which he replies 'not bad!' they then talk about a myriad of subjects, including hot air ballooning, and music. craig mentions one of his favorite albums that branson released, which happened to be the first and the reason for the forming of virgin music in the first place: mike oldfields 'tubular bells'.
craig asks him if he is still involved with the music side of his business and he shares that he is more involved in the space travel side of the business. virgin group has been working on providing zero gravity flights and bringing people up to experience that. he also talks about this new partnership with google, called 'virgle', where they are planning to send a manned space vessel for a one way trip to mars to colonize it. it designed to be a sort of noahs ark, filled with animals and plants and stuff. after much speculation on this idea during the interview, and by my friends and i over the next few days, i came to realize it was just part of an elaborate april fools joke. we all fell for it because it wasnt april 1. well, it wasnt april 1 when it was filmed, but it doesnt air until 12:30am that night, which would make it actually april first... oh, he got us good!
but then, branson does the worst thing you can do on a talk show. he shows terrible etiquette, and walks out as the camera pulls out for the commercial. come on, we know you have billions of dollars and much better things to do, richard, but at least stay until your segment is over...

jack benny

after craig ferguson returns from the commercial break after his first guest, he grabs his elbow and waves his hand about. he improvs for a little bit and tries to find a reason why he is standing that way 'im using advanced puppetry now to control my arm.' after playing with his arm in that position for a bit, he hits improv gold: 'you know, jack benny used to always stand like that. when he was doing comedy he would always stand like that, he was very funny... he would have no place on this show! i think its a funny way to stand, not quite as funny as this, obviously' craig then proceeds to turn around bend over and stick his hand through his legs to great comedic effect. 'but then what do we know about comedy?'

aisha tyler

craig ferguson welcomes aisha by saying 'my first guest tonight is a beautiful actress and comedienne, which is what you say if someone is a lady, and a comedian. your welcome people who dont know shit.' everyone in the audience laughed at this hysterically! granted, it was edited for tv, but was outrageously funny to hear live.

craig welcomes her in, after they have a seat he comments on her lovely outfit asking her 'are those what the kids are calling 'bloomers'?' she responds 'or knickers, but some times people dont understand you, and it starts fights, so its better to call them bloomers...' puzzled, craig asks 'that starts fights?' she explains 'someone says knickers- what did you call me?!? and it just goes downhill from there...'

the two of them chat about comedy gigs they have done in the past, and one that she is going to soon. craig explains its like an old sizzler restaurant. aisha agrees 'ahh, steak and comedy. people are like 'these shrimp are great- why is that black lady yelling?'.'

they go on to talk about aishas husband, who was her college sweetheart, and how they love to 'get busy' in hotel rooms she says there is just a different mentality to a hotel room, where she asks 'how can i get my dna on every surface of this room?'

flamenco!

after returning from his commercial break, craig ferguson usually talks to the camera a bit. this time, he decided to break out into a little dance! his dance of choice: flamenco! with quick steps and hand claps, he declares 'your welcome people that enjoy flamenco! 'finally, a show we can enjoy! that dancing with the stars is crap!''

the monologue

as the applause continued, craig ferguson claims 'you are behaving like giddy teenagers! and i like me some giddy teenagers. er, um...'

'well, its a great day for america everybody! why? well, its monday... thats right, way to go day of the week! only in l.a. do we applaud the days of the week...' then craig tells us that he is really buzzing, he had way too much coffee! hes past fidgety, now he in the zone!!! and for some reason he keeps flailing around his arms like an old man 'im practicing for when im on 60 minutes...'

craig talks about when he was in st. louis and really wanted some bbq. he got some, but what was even better was the fried chocolate ravioli! 'it is the best thing ive ever had in my mouth! well, for censorship reasons well say yes, the best thing...' 'they were great! fat, greasy, goes straight to my ass... remind you of anybody?!?'

next he talked about the start of the baseball season and how president bush threw out the first pitch for the nationals team. when he walked out at the field he was booed! craig says 'his approval rating was so low he left for europe the next day! you know its bad for an american president when the french look friendly by comparison.' at which point he does his impression of a frenchman 'i used to hate him, now i just dont care. and if americans hate him, maybe i like him. you dont know me america! i love you, i hate you, you will never know...' after the laughter died down, he went to a commercial break.

hello craig!

once craig ferguson stepped out, we were chearing as loud as we could eager to see him and to start the show! usually one of the first shots of the show is from a cameral behind the audience looking down at craig. well, i just so happened to notice this shot just in time, so i figured id make sure i could notice myself when it was shown on tv. i raised my hand at just the right minute and waved. if you look closely, you can see my hand in this episode still frame that i took.

audience member

and finally, we come to the episode i was there for! the last weekend of march aaron, jeffry lee, and i all went to visit adam in l.a., and one of the important requirements for my visit was that we would go and see craig ferguson. and we did!!! it was truly an amazing experience.

we arrived at cbs studios around two oclock to get in line for the show. the tickets asked that we be there by 3:45, but we wanted to make sure that we would have good seats (and because i was giddy about it all day and wouldnt leave everyone else alone). at around 3:30 the shepherded us all around the gates into a section of benches. by this point i was vibrating because i was so excited, words escaped me, all i could do was squeal like a little girl. and im not ashamed to admit it. as we waited for everyone to get through security i stopped in the gift shop and scooped up anything that had craig ferguson written on it! once the briefed us on what we would be doing and making sure that we understood that we must laugh- and laugh loudly so the mics can pick us up, we shuffled in. unfortunately they took away all of our cameras at the security check point, so i dont have any photos of the studio or performance.

after climbing up three flights of stairs, we were shuffled into what was a surprisingly small studio. we filled up the seats, which has a shockingly small amount of only 113 chairs! we got second row, and i was elated! a guy came out and introduced himself as the audience entertainer. he informed us about all the ins and outs about the different segments and commercial breaks. he told some jokes to test our laughing volume and and prepare us for the treat ahead.

finally the moment had come, shadow stevens, the shows announcer, introduces craig ferguson. he steps out, and we go wild! wow, there he is, right in front of me!!! ive been anticipating this day for about two years now, and here i am. awesome. he goes through his monologue and i cant catch my breath from laughing so hard! his guests come out one by one, aisha tyler was even more beautiful in person and very charming, richard branson is even more eccentric in person, and quite a trickster (this episode was to air on april fools day after all). and then its over. wow. my life is now complete, i have achieved nirvana. thank you craig for one of the highlights of my life (i am fully aware of how sad that is, but i dont care)!!!

3-26-08

+ craig ferguson starts off by mentioning that oliver stone is making a new movie about pres bush. most of the cast has been announced, except for vice pres dick chaney. craig jokes that it will be played by elmer fudd!

recently in the news there were some kids who found a parachute in a field in washington state and found a parachute which is believed to have been the parachute used by infamous thief d b cooper, who was never found after he jumped from a plane with $200,000 in stolen cash. 'after the parachute was reported on the news, mc hammer called and said he wanted his pants back.'

+ finally, the return of the prince of late night in england! craig once again portrays prince charles as the host of a late night talk show called 'the rather late programme'. this is a very common bit that he performs, but for the past couple months he has been filming as prince charles out in l.a., but its good to see this silly sketch back in fine form!

- pamela anderson

- christian siriano from project runway. craig tells him straight: 'your over using the word 'fierce', fierce has to go. may i make a suggestion: how about 'snazzy'?' i love it!!!

email bowie

another new email jingle, this time its in the style of david bowie! craig commented that david bowie is one of his favorite rock stars out there, the particularly loves bowies english gentleman period 'every line that he sang always went up at the end like everything was a question!'

3-25-08

+craig ferguson talks about the lie hillary got caught in when she says that she was caught in snipper fire when she went to bosnia. he informs us that cbs who first reported on the story, the funny thing is though that the man who broke the story was sinbad! at which point craig decides to take a stand: 'i like sinbad! you can keep your high class comedians, ill take sinbad any day!'

+ remembering that its 'dr seuss week', craig puts on a seuss hat and gives a 30 second monologue recap for whos, which is given is rhyme.

+ for some reason craig goes off on a tangent about jared from subway. 'he lost so much weight by eating sandwiches- clearly he has a tapeworm!' and then he gives an opinion, which i share, that renee zelwegger is much more attractive when she had the extra pounds she gained for 'bridget jones diary'.
- thandie newton

> dom irrera
+ lately craig has been loosening his tie at the end of the show, but tonight he goes all out and starts taking off his shoes and socks, gets comfortable, and lays down on his chairs 'its just you and me now. i live here, so ive got no where to go...'

email punk

one of the original email introductions, this one focuses on the punk rock theme.

email freakshow

craig introduced another email time animation, this one was very elaborate and focused on a circus sideshow theme. craig admits 'man, these little dittys are better than the actual show!'

3-24-08

+with the movie 'horton hears a who' the number one movie of the weekend, craig ferguson decides that he is going to have a special 'dr seuss week'. he admits that he loves to read seuss books, and breaks into a seussian rhyme 'i like to read them to my son, i like to read them while i run. i like to read them in a van, i like to read them on the can! i like to read them by the clock, i like to read them while i touch my... computer!'

he comments on how many movies have been made from seuss' books, but wonders how they would be able to make one out of 'green eggs and ham'. he busts into a movie announcer voice 'in a world with strangly colored food, one man refuses to eat... starring sean connery as sam i am, and william shatner as 'the ham'.'

+ craig sits down at his desk and reads his favorite dr seuss story: 'too many daves' which you can read here.

- laurence fishburne wearing a crazy hoodie. yeesh, is he trying to look like hes 15?

- rashida jones

> joe devito

3-19-08

todays monologue theme is animal news! craig ferguson starts by saying today there is some big cat news' which he explains, 'is the late night way of saying 'light news day'.' he says that there was recently born a mix of a leopard and a house cat, which he affectionately refers to as a 'leopuss'. he goes on to share a bit about bird news and llama news. by llama, he means the dalai lama. he then goes on to say that the dalai lamas religion believes in reincarnation. he explains that reincarnation means 'made flesh again' and that its the idea that we come back after we die as someone or something else. he admits 'most people think they used to be someone important like a king or queen, i like to think of myself as a victorian prostitute. not necessarily then, but i mean now i do'.

+ a 'dear aquaman' skit, and then craig goes into talking about what a 'cougar' is. he doesnt mean the cat, rather the newer definition: 'an older woman who is hot to trot for a younger man. they have a word for men who are like that- its called a man!'

- parker posey

= graham colton

3-18-08

+ craig is interested in a couple new shows. the first is 'the bachelor' and craig is not too pleased about it. the new guy is from england and full of himself. craig shows a clip of one of the drunken ladies slipping a pair of her underwear into his pants pocket, to which the bachelor explains 'this is not cool'. craig gets a bit flustered, 'i dont know what kind of backwards girly country you come from mac, but from where i come from, that is cool! and if you dont think a drunk woman in a glittery dress putting her underwear into your pocket isnt cool, then get the hell out of america!'

+ when he gets back to his desk he notices something in his pocket, he proceeds to pull out a gigantic pair of womens underwear- yikes! he also does a thirty second monologue recap, and then a recap in dog language.

- kate beckinsale

- ken tucker, writer and editor for 'entertainment weekly'

3-17-08

+ craig got a new set! it kinda looks a lot like the old set, just bluer, and with shiney floors. its saint patricks day, and craig is celebrating by wearing, under his suit, a green speedo 'which is a snug fit. granted, ive never known a speedo without a snug fit...'

the whole eliott spitzer scandal with the high class hookers has just broke, and craig is wondering what exactly makes a call girl high class? 'probably the english accent.'

+ a funny u2 skit that has bono questioning why we have to resort to bad irish stereotypes every year on st. patricks day. the edge, of course, systematically fits into each and every one of them.

- ray romano

- kate flannery, meredeth from 'the office'

> jeff caldwell

3-07-08

+ when craig first gets out and introduces the show he begins talking in an old english accent, which he decides makes him sound like an old dickens character, or jeff goldblum... 'no christmas for you!' he then goes on to discuss the movie '10,000 bc' and informs us it is set in the mesolithic period which was populated by many different species of man: the cro-magnon, the neanderthal, and the most archaic- the baldwins, who are always 'snuflin around for treats.'

+ his favorite example of a caveman film is 'one million years, bc' which starred raquel welsh. he shows the famous poster of her in a fur bikini. when he had her on the show he found himself still feeling a bit funny in his trousers... 'i got asked if i would still like to, you know, with her. and ive got to be honest, even at 67 she still wouldnt let me...'

- amy sedaris

- shanna moakler from entourage

= blake shelton

king of the (late late) hill

ive been saying it for years, and i guess im not the only one who seems to think craig ferguson is the funniest of all the late night hosts! i just spotted this in the news section of imdb.com (the full article appeared in reuters, found here):

Ferguson Beats O'Brien For First Time
In what must have come as a shock to NBC, which plans to replace Jay Leno with Conan O'Brien next year, the latest ratings for late-night shows revealed Thursday that CBS's Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson beat O'Brien's Late Night for the first time in which both shows aired original shows opposite one another. According to Nielsen figures, Ferguson averaged 1.88 million viewers last week to O'Brien's 1.77 million. Peter Lassally, the executive producer of Ferguson's show, which is produced by David Letterman's World Wide Pants, told the Associated Press that Ferguson is "having such a good time that you can't resist it as a viewer."