8-07-13

+ 'it is a great day to quit smoking', craig ferguson insists, 'any day is a good day to quit, blah blah, cbs cares.  a new study says that ex smokers make more money than smokers.  i actually used to smoke, i used to be a smoker, i really enjoyed it.  nothing relaxed me more than a winston in my mouth... then i had a cigarette.  i understand why people smoke, i understand why you do it, because it feels awesome.  addictive poisons are funny like that.  i smoked for years.  a lot of ex smokers say 'i'd never take up smoking again', but i'm not one of them.  i would start smoking again in a heartbeat.  the only thing stopping me is the painful early death.  if we ever find out there is a meteor headed to earth i'll be the first one down at the store buying a carton of cigarettes, a six pack of lube, and a crate of turnips...  well, you know i guess!  the big trend these days is the e-cigarette, you know, they are supposed to be as nicotiney as regular cigarettes, but then again, so is strapping your nipples to a car battery.  saying you are safer than cigarettes is like saying you are taller than tom cruise.  its like saying your movie made more money than the lone ranger.  its like saying you fathered less children than arnold schwarzenegger.  its like saying you are a better husband than o.j. simpson!'
- jeff goldblum talks and plays some jazz