goodbye, old studio!
'the new studio will be the same old crap, people have said 'oh, whats the set going to be like?' its going to be like this- the same set! the same set! i know what you are thinking, 'they dont do that in tv'. thats right, they dont! we are taking this set and adding a bit on to it. i'm not kidding! people have been saying to me 'i dont want the show to change!' i'm like 'who are you? everyone else does!' frankly i dont know whats wrong with change, people in the audience during the commercial break are always saying 'spare change? spare change?' if you are a regular viewer of this show i'm sorry. but you know i come out here every night, i stand in this spot, and i talk about whatever is on my mind. i've done 1565 opening monologues with four jokes spread out over that time. the new studio will have all the usual talk show stuff, you know, we will have the desk, the chairs, the podium, the audience pleasure dungeon, the glory holes, the glass unicorns, the sex swing, the ferrets, the monkeys, the handcuffs, the bedazzelers, the mimes, and fred willard! you know, all the classic talk show stuff. you know the one thing is that we will have a bigger audience. it wont make much of a difference, it will just be more people not laughing. the new studio will be super high tech, there will be these new fancy gadgets that are on all the tv shows now, they are called 'lights'. and lesbian row will be much bigger. i dont mean we are getting more seats, i just mean we are getting bigger lesbians!'
at the end of the show, craig gathered together everyone who works on the show for one last hurrah, ending the night with the promise 'we will see you when we come back everybody! good night!'