+ 'last night on the show i had olympic fever', craig ferguson admits, 'now unfortunately its getting worse, and thats not good. apparently i have to call my doctor if the torch keeps burning for more than four hours. today's events at the olympics are equestrian events, sailing, and table tennis. in other words, its a big day for white people today! equestrian and sailing, now these are sports for people who grew up on the mean streets of connecticut. 'oh, i'm sorry mummy, i cant go to the ragatta, my head sail got caught in the jib mast. and then something happened on the boat...' sailing sounds cool, at least it sounds better than yachting, which just sounds like something mit romney would do at his indoor lake. i've been sailing before and i liked it, but i wouldnt want to watch it in tv. its like sex, you know, half the fun is feeling the wind blowing through your hair, the sun beating down on your head, and the spray washing all over your body. thats what happens when you go sailing! everything went smoothly for the sailing events today except for the british team which unfortunately forgot limes and got skervy. anyway, what else did they do today at the olympics? there was table tennis, which is just a fancy way of saying ping pong. can olympic air hockey be far behind?'
- rosie perez