7-21-09

+ 'i figured it out.' craig ferguson begins his rant, 'i figured it out! 'what?' i'll tell ya: everything!!! why everything sucks. here's why: in the 1950's a bunch of advertising guys, madison avenue guys got together and decided what they were trying to do is sell products to younger people. they said 'we should try to sell products to younger people because then they will buy more products their whole lives'. so they tried to sell them soft drinks, or bread, or cigars, or whatever the hell they were trying to sell them. they decided they would try to advertise to younger people. it was jus an advertising thing, they didn't mean any harm by it, its just a bit of market research. so they did that and told the tv companies, the movie companies, the radio companies, so everybody started targeting they youth because the youth were where you were going to be able to sell things. what happened was, in a strange sort of quirk of fate, youth began to be celebrated by society in a way that had never been done in the whole human history of society, because what used to be celebrated was experience and cleverness. what happened though, was what became valuable was youth. the quality of youth is what made you a consumer. what happened was they started concentrating on these people. i know what yuor thinking: 'but craig, in ancient greece they deified the youth'. no, they didnt, they deified beauty. ah, different, right? so what happened is youth became more important and more important and more important, and society began to turn on its head because with the deification of youth, and youth has a byproduct, the byproduct of inexperience. by the very nature of youth you dont have experience, you're too young to have it, its not your fault. but you're young and kind of stupid, so they sell you stuff, right. so the deification of youth began, but the deification of youth didn't stop there. the deification of youth evolved and became the deification of imbecility. so it became desirable and fashionable to be young and stupid. it started to be in fashion and that grew and that grew and that grew, and now that's all that kids want to be: 'i just want to be young and stupid'. but you know what? that's not what you want to be, you don't want to be that. and then what happened is people became frightened to not be young, they didnt want to be older, so they started to dye their hair, they started to mutilate their face and their bodies to look young. you cant be young forever. thats against the laws of the universe! and all of this horrible querk and terrible movement, nobody meant it, nobody meant any harm, but now we're in this terrible place where we have the fucking jonas brothers!!!'
- gerard butler
- jackie collins