congratulations to craig ferguson on the wedding to megan wallace cunningham! may your lives together be long and happy, and full of cheeky wee monkeys.
a married man
congratulations to craig ferguson on the wedding to megan wallace cunningham! may your lives together be long and happy, and full of cheeky wee monkeys.
1-05-09
+ craig ferguson got married!!! 'i had a great time off. what happened? i got married!' craig exclaims, and the crowd goes wild! 'i know! i know i said i would never get married again, but apparently i can't live by my own rules. take that, me. you know what was even more shocking? the wedding was in vermont where they have legalized gay civil unions, and i married a woman! but i am european, so i was both the groom and maid of honor.''there are all sorts of rumor online that this could actually hurt my career. they say 'he can't get married, there will be thousands of angry cougars!' well, there will be upwards of a dozen angry cougars... so i'm sorry angry cougars, and angry bears, and one very disappointed sheep...'
+ larry king of the jungle
million dollar password
craig ferguson recently appeared on 'million dollar password' as a celebrity contestant. the show is hosted by regis philbin, and he introduces craig by saying 'joining us tonight, one of the funniest comedians, very unique, very original, from the late late show on cbs, craig ferguson!' craig waves to the crowd and regis comments 'and, uh, thanks so much for dressing up...''anyway craig,' continues regis, 'it's great to see you, love your monologues; very unique, off the cuff, just great stuff.'
craig responds 'thank you regis, i feel the same way about you, but today- stay out of my way!'
regis retorts 'and incidentally, welcome to primetime tv'
'hey, knock it off!' craig responds.
as the game progressed craig did a great job and was very good at giving clues and guessing words. he was selected to help by both contestants and he won both of them twenty five thousand dollars!
12-26-08
+ christmas is over, but there is still some holiday fun to be had. craig ferguson tells us 'back in the old country, where i'm from, the day after christmas is called 'boxing day'. it got it's name from donation boxes that were opened after christmas when priests would hand out money to the poor. its a tradition i think we can start here in america. the day after christmas we could offer help to the needy, like hobo's, the banks, car companies, you know, the people who really need our help...'+ a sean connery holiday memory
+ an absolutely hysterical cooking segment with wolfgang puck and kristen bell. this is probably the funniest the show has ever been! i was howling with laughter the whole time!
12-23-08
+ it's christmas time!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'now, my christmas is usually pretty low key. you know, a crackling fire, roasted nuts... i have to remember not to stand so close to the fire this year.'craig goes on to share a few family traditions in his household: 'when i was a kid santa never brought us much. our tradition, what we used to do is yell up the chimney for santa. my dad would be sitting there 'yell up the chimney, son' 'hey santa, can i have a bike?' my dad would be standing behind me 'no, we dont have any bikes left. how about a potato? you can carve it into any shape you like'.'
'the whole family would hang stockings, every year the stockings are always filled with the same things: tangerines and chocolate. i have no idea why, its not a combination you see at any other time of year. tangerines and chocolate, but thanks to that diet i got zits, but never got scurvy!'
+ tom arnold stops by in a santa suit
- billy bob thornton comes bearing gifts.
12-22-08
+ during the two minute intro segment craig ferguson often enjoys playing with different stuffed animals that people bring him. this week he has been talking as the voice of a stuffed monkey, 'good evening everyone, i'm the traditional christmas monkey. a christmas monkey dressed as some sort of elevator operator... nothing says christmas like a talking gay monkey dressed like an elevator operator. and im wearing no pants! ha ha! that can only mean one thing: santa's on his way!'+ craig is visited by three christmas ghosts
craig ferguson's holiday christmas spectacular
its that time of year once again where everyone has their christmas specials. we are told that unfortunately cbs wasn't willing to air craig ferguson's special, so he decided to air it himself. this is a sketch in the style of those old christmas specials where the host is in his living room and some famous guests stop by and chat. a guy doing is dressed up playing the part of craig (this guy is terrible and unfunny, he needs to be fired!), and different guests stop in to say hi. first, craig comes in dressed up as michael caine with a glass of wiskey in one hand, and a bunch of double entendres in the other. he leaves and after a few seconds craig comes back dressed as prince charles, bearing gifts for 'craig'. after he is gone, craig comes back dressed as santa! it was a really funny bit, well, except for the guy playing 'craig'.12-19-08
+ always one to share new research, craig ferguson tells about the latest, 'there was a study that just came out this week that debunks a lot of popular myths, i was fascinated by this, for example sugar doesn't actually make kids go crazy. i thought it did, but it doesn't. eating at night does not make you fatter than any other time of day, also, he who smelt it isn't necessarily the one who dealt it! i'm like 'are you sure?!?' lets just pull my finger to check...'+ tillman, the skateboarding dog brings out the mail. it goes very poorly.
+ craig ferguson's holiday christmas spectacular
12-18-08
+ 'there was a huge announcement today from the disney channel', craig shares, 'they are going to russia! starting next month they're going to be broadcasting there for the first time. isn't that amazing? the disney corporation is going to have to change some of the names of their shows for russia though. 'hannah montana' will have to be 'hannah siberia', 'the lion king' will have to be 'the lion party boss', 'beauty and the borshed', 'alice in vodka-land', 'peter panski', 'swiss family bulshivik', '101 totalitarians', and 'finding nemo guilty of crimes against the state'! boy, i spent all day on that...'+ espn uk
+ a sean connery holiday memory
12-17-08
+ this week the new movie 'the wrestler' comes out and craig ferguson tells us all about it: 'apparently the movie reveals some hard truths, because it turns out that wrestling is fake! i haven't been this shocked since i found out clay aiken is gay. now, a lot of wrestlers have signature moves, like chris jericho as 'the walls of jerecho'. well, i've got my own signature move, i call it the 'ferguson pull-my-finger', they never see it coming!''i'm going to take a controversial stance here and say that wrestling is not a sport.' the crowd 'ooh's, 'dont you ooh me! you're not vince mcmahan. in the state of new jersey the courts ruled that its not a legitimate sport. and if the state of new jersey says you're a bit shady, then you're a bit shady!'
+ a sean connery holiday memory
- samuel l. jackson he was in top form and really funny!
daniel mcvicar
every once in a while a door bell sounds. craig ferguson is always shocked and confusedly asks 'do we even have a door?!?' its daniel mcvicar, the star of one of cbs' daytime soap operas. he comes in and he and craig share some barbed pleasantries, then they start to feud, usually involving craig 'girlfriend' ashley. daniel steals her away, causing craig to scream to the heavens 'damn you mcvicar!' the back and forth between the two is always a play on the heightened melodrama of soap operas, and they often pull out the cheesy camera soft focus they always seem to use on those shows. the bitter rivalry between the two is always funny! this is one of the bits craig does that always hits the perfect notes and is always amusing.
12-16-08
+ giving out financial advice, craig ferguson says 'with the economy as it is, the only sue fire way to make money is to divorce madonna. did you hear what he's getting? 76 million dollars in the divorce settlement- that's right, one for the guys! a lot of people are making fun of guy ritchie, i say fair play to him, he earned every penny of that 76 million being married to her, i mean, you break it down and it works out to 50 cents for every time she mentioned the kabbalah. 'i just want to talk about kabbalah, i used to be a girl from detroit, now i'm an english bloke, all right? how ya doin?'.'+ sean connery shares a holiday memory
- joanna garcia from 'reba'!
12-15-08
+ 'of course the big story over the weekend,' craig ferguson informs us, 'is that president bush had that press conference in iraq which turned onto shoe-pocolypse now! the journalist threw his shoe- can i just say, when a journalist throws his shoes at the president, thats one of those days where if you are a late night talk show host you just go 'ahh!, thats tonights show taken care of!'.'+ dan mcvicar comes by, he and craig have a soap opera moment together...
nature's platform
a new sketch that featured craig ferguson and another guy (seriously, this guy is not funny at all- he needs to leave the show!) doing a bit about being hippies. there was a lot of 'yah, man', and 'totally dude' going on. these two guys have their own public access show about nature, and were trying to sell their product, all natural diapers. not very funny, but craig always seems to crack up during any sketch, so its automatically funnier!12-12-08
+ today the movie 'the day the earth stood still' comes out, and craig ferguson shares 'i love the old sci-fi movies cause the aliens were always a metaphor of what we were really afraid of, so in the 1950's everyone was afraid of communists, so that's why the aliens were always from planet bolshevik or something. they tried to make us share our stuff, drink vodka, and stuff. were not afraid of communists anymore, they've all gone away, so now they updated the aliens in the new movie, what happens is these aliens are broke and demand a five hundred billion dollar bailout from the government...'+ 'nature's platform' skit
- carrie fisher craig says 'your crazy!' oops... cause she really is.
12-11-08
+ the golden globe nominations were announced, and craig ferguson has a pretty strong opinion about them: 'ah, the golden globes, the most corrupt award show in hollywood, in a town that is no stranger to corruption... here's how it works: the nominations are selected by the hollywood foreign press association. now, when you hear 'foreign press', you think prestigious journalists, lamond, or der speigel, but they are not these guys. they are from the amsterdam penny saver, or the zurich yoddler, the belgrade auto trader... and theres only 90 of these 'journalists'. every year they vote for which ever studio gives them the coolest gifts! they are for sale, every year the studios spend millions of dollars trying to bribe the foreign press into giving them a nomination. they should be using the money for something productive, like buying a seat in the senate...'+ murder she wrote 2008
- brooke shields she and craig presented at the emmy awards together.
12-10-08
+ tonight craig ferguson shares his thoughts on the blagojavich scandal: 'i'm upset about this scandal because it's sullying the otherwise spotless reputation of chicago politicians!remember the movie 'the untouchables'? it was set in chicago when sean connery played a good cop in a city of corrupt cops, and he tells kevin costner in the movie, he tells him 'welcome to chicago, this town stinks like a whore house at low tide'. you say 'thats a great line', then you go 'wait, what the hell does that mean?!?' sean connery must go to some very unusual whore houses...'
+ his (fake) agent murrey stops by
best of 2008
at the end of each year, entertainment weekly has always has a 'best of' issue where they list the best of everything from tv, to movies, to books. this year our very own craig ferguson made the list of '10 best shows of 2008'! he was listed as number 8 (along with his lead-in, david letterman). the article goes on to praise him:...Meanwhile, his follow-up act, Ferguson, knew precisely how to fine-tune sincerity and daffiness, no more effectively than when this new American citizen eloquently implored us all to vote.
email christmas
another new jingle was added to the collection of clips that preceded craig ferguson's reading of the email. this time it is a seasonal jingle for christmas time. this time the guy who plays 'john tesh' in the 'access extratainment tonight' sketches is dressed up like an elf and sings a little diddy about christmas emails.
cbs promo
craig ferguson has often made fun of all the new show promos that come out at the beginning of each new show season. he always laughs at how the stars of the show start off with their back to us, and then slowly turn and smile at the camera. well, it looks like craig is now one of those turners! in advertising for the upcoming episode, cbs ran a promo where craig turns and smiles!
12-09-08
+ today news broke of jay leno's new plan to have a show at 10pm every night on nbc. craig ferguson responds by saying 'with all the late night stuff up in the air now, i wonder what will happen next. if i were to go to another network, not that anyone is interested, cbs would own all my jokes. all two of them: 'i know!', and 'remind you of anybody?'. late night hosts are a very close knit group. people think we hate each other, and its just not true. each year we see each other at the late night picnic; david letterman has us over, he barbeques some meat, jay gives everyone rides on his motorcycle, conan teaches people to use hair gel. carson daly is even there, he parks jays car, but he's there...'12-08-08
+ last week craig ferguson's mother, janet, passed away. he spends the show sharing stories and memories of his mother, a fitting tribute. he talks of his mother raising the kids, becoming a teacher, and other stories. he becomes quite choked up as he shares 'my mother was always the talkative one, i guess i get that from her. my dad, though, was always quite. when i would call home each week after i got here in america and dad would answer i start sharing and he would say 'ill go get mom and get the news from her. it became his mantra. i dont know where they are now, but i take some comfort in knowing they're together, and he's getting the news.'+ in 2005 he had his mom on as a guest, and craig shares a couple clips from that show. first, he shows a clip of him talking with his mother, and then a clip of rza, the wu tang clan member, showing his mom around l.a.
- chi mcbride
= seal
+ at the funeral for his mother he was asked to read something. he didnt know what to read, and the pastor gave him something written by victor hugo in his book toilers of the sea. its a beautiful tribute, and it says this:
I am standing upon the foreshore. A ship at my side spreads her white sails to the morning breeze and starts for the blue ocean. She is an object of beauty and strength, and I stand and watch her until at length she hangs like a speck of white cloud just where the sea and sky come down to meet each other. Then someone at my side says, 'There, she is gone.' Gone where? Gone from my sight, that is all. She is just as large in mast and hull and spar as she was when she left my side, and just as able to bear her load of living weights to its place of destination. Her diminished size is in me, not in her; and just at the moment when someone at my side says, 'There, she is gone,' on that distant shore there are other eyes watching for her coming and other voices ready to take up the glad shout, 'Here she comes'.
in loving memory
janet ferguson
8-3-1933 12-1-2008
11-28-08
+ 'oh, i'm not feeling so good,' shares craig ferguson, 'i think its cause i ate too much at my thanksgiving dinner. after i ate so much i stumbled into the living room and collapsed on my lazy boy... poor raul, he never knew what hit him!'+ almost every night craig reads emails that are sent in to him. tonight he read an email, and the girl who wrote it was actually in the audience! what are the chances?
- kristen chenoweth talked and sang
11-27-08
+ today is thanksgiving, and craig ferguson shares his love the the holiday. 'oh, the thanksgiving day parade- i love it! the balloons were filled with hot air, donated by donald trump. my favorite is the shrek balloon, when i see that bloated scottish monster floating high above new york city, it reminds me of when i lived there in the 80's... 'oh, aye donkey'...'- tony curtis he looked almost unrecognizable, but then he did that squinty smile, and you knew it had to be him!
11-26-08
+ its thanksgiving eve and craig ferguson informs us its the 'bussiest travel day of the year. it's rough, but its not the flight going to thanksgiving, its the flight going back. that gets ya. cause youre crammed into a pressurized cabin, there's two hundred other people there who've all spent the weekend gorging themselves- talk about a tailwind!'+ dave folley comes on and talks about living like a pilgrim.
+ sean connery reads from his autobiography: 'page five hundred and one: i was born in edinburough scottland. wait a minute- what the hell was on the first five hundred pages?!?'
= adele
11-25-08
+ 'those samali pirates are at it again!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'say what you like about them, but they go to work! and they arent those johnny depp style pirates with their mascara and swashbuckling ha ha fancy sword play, they're tough, these guys. and now, the development is that al qaeda has declared war on the simali pirates! that's awesome!! al qaeda vs. pirates- thats like in batman where its the joker vs. penguin or something@ evil vs. evil, alien vs. predator, its like dick chaney vs. his lawyer- evil vs. evil!'+ betty white comes on as the president of flight attendants
11-24-08
+ there was some obama presidency news announced, craig ferguson tells us, 'obama announced his economic team, and president bush is working closely with them. obama says they've got many obstacles to overcome, the biggest one being maybe that president bush has been working closely with them.'+ dear aquaman
11-21-08
+ 'the twilight movie comes out today,' craig ferguson mentions, 'its based on the popular books. i like that reading hasnt gone out of style completely yet. if you are young and into magic, you read harry potter; you're a bit older and you read twilight, you get to my age and the only thing you read is the instructions on the hemorrhoid cream. but you know how to read it! the two greatest words in the english language? apply liberally!'+ check in with dick chaney
- george hamilton wow, he is a dirty old man, and likes to wear cashmere.
in concert
every once in a while craig ferguson goes out and does stand-up shows around the country. in february he will be having a show around here! he will be appearing at the horseshoe casino, which is only about 20 minutes from my house!!! i would really love to go see him, but unfortunately i dont think i will be able to. with all the wedding stuff coming up i'm not going to be able to shell out the money to go see him. very sad, i know. next time hes around here though, i will certainly be able to go- i'll start saving my pennies now!11-20-08
+ 'obama used to smoke,' craig ferguson informs us, 'but his wife michelle gave him an ultimatum: stop smoking, or i wont support your run for president. right, like she'd start supporting the other guy! - she isn't joe lieberman...'+ monologue recap, viking recap
+ dear aquaman
11-19-08
+ 'today i saw a guy in his mid 40's with a blinged out sweatshirt that said 'punks not dead',' craig ferguson shares, 'that sweatshirt cost 200 bucks! i used to listen to a punk band called 'the clash', its singer, joe strummer, wrote the line 'ha, you think its funny turning rebellion into money'. i hate this, i hate old men co opting youth culture trying to seem young, it really bothers me. it happens in L.A. a lot, this deification of youth by the middle aged and its perverse. you cant be young no matter how much botox you get! there is an epic poem written by the lebanese christian philosopher khalil ghibran, its called 'the prophet', and he says in that poem about children 'their souls live in the house of tomorrow which you cannot visit even in your dreams'. hes talking to you, jerk in the lame sweatshirt, so knock it off!'11-18-08
+'mickey mouse is 80 years old today,' craig ferguson shares, 'he used to be in those short cartoons before movies. i wish they still did those, now they do commercials. you pay to get in the movie, then they do commercials at you! you know why they do that? because corporate america cares nothing about you, it has nothing but contempt for you, that is why our economy is in the crapper. now when i say corporate america, i do not mean cbs or any of the advertisers on cbs- but all the other ones!... ive really enjoyed doing this show, everybody, its been a great four years, thanks a lot... weve got to take a break, someones hanging around with a belt. i think im going to get in trouble for saying corporate america is to blame... but you know what? it is! it is! screw those guys! hey hey!'+ dear aquaman skit
sitting at his desk now, craig shares a bit about his harsh words earlier: 'earlier i mentioned that corporate america doesnt value its costomers, and i'd like to take that back. i'd like to take it back, but i wont because its true!!! look out for my new show on my website...'
= bacon brothers band
11-17-08
+ when craig ferguson first comes out there is thunderous applause, and it continues for a while, causing him to respond 'look, if you over do it, it starts to sound a little insincere, also, if you applaud, applaud, applaud, and chear and think im great and i havent done anything, people might think im barack obama!'+ prince charles' birthday party
11-14-08
+ shocked, craig ferguson talks about how a movie studio recently 'announced movie plans for 'monopoly'. its official: hollywood is out of ideas. agents all over town are calling their clients 'can you play a wheelbarrow? what about a hat?'.' 'the new bond comes out today. now, of course sean connery is the best bond, but theres been arguing over who the second best bond is. we already know who the best is, arguing over the second best is like arguing who's the second best member of 'tom petty and the heartbreakers'! whats the point?!?'
- jim parsons from big bang theory.
11-13-08
+ remember that person who got a sex change, but then got pregnant? well, craig ferguson shares that 'tonight barbara walters has an interview with the man who got pregnant. its called 'what is a man? what is a woman?' now, i thought i knew! a man has a peepee, a woman has a shoe collection. they both love them, admire them for hours, lie about their size...'+ dear aquaman
+ sketch of the new bond film with sean connery as bond again, with jim parsons playing the evil bad guy- very funny!
- andy richter (craig and andy were in 'larry the wonder dog' together. both of them thought it sucked! i saw it and i must say they are not wrong...)
+ at the beginning of the show one of the workers of the show, megan o'toole, cut her long hair from locks of love, the cancer charity.
sean connery reads from this autobiography
as is required of all scotsman, craig ferguson does a great sean connery impression! over the years of the show he had found different ways to incorporate that impression in. he used to do a segment called 'this day in history with sean connery' where he would stand in a study, with a drink in his hand, and share the sorted escapades he had with different people while he was drunk. it was a really funny bit, very much like 'michael caine in space'. now, craig has begun doing 'sean connery reads from his autobiography' where craig plays connery sitting and reading from the book in front of him. usually he adds little asides about women, or he will just randomly ramble without even looking at the book. in my opinion, any time craig does his connery impression is hilarious!
the mug
when i visited 'the late late show with craig ferguson' this past spring i went to the gift shop and bought everything they had with craig on it! i got this coffee mug there, and i dont even drink coffee! its currently on display on the shelf above my kitchen sink. feel free to drop by and gaze upon its beauty. now taking reservations.
11-12-08
+ the CMAs were on tonight, craig ferguson mentions, 'a couple years ago i presented at the CMAs. i wore a cowboy hat and a kilt! i looked like a redneck drag queen...' 'i like country music, i love bluegrass music too. its like country music, but it has more soul and less teeth.'
+ dave foley comes on to promote a fake fishing book.
- kathy kinney (mimi from the drew carrey show)
warm up comedian
when i visited the show back in april i got to see how the show goes. before craig ferguson comes out the audience is treated to a warm up comedian, he is someone who comes out and gets everyone riled up so that when craig starts we will know how to conduct ourselves- lots of laughs! he started by reminding everyone that if we think he is funny we should laugh loud, 'the camera doesnt hear smiles!'. he told some jokes, most of them fairly lame, in order for us to practice our laughing. another tried and true trick he used: throw free candy into the crowd! he told us often that we should applaud loudly when craig first comes out 'i want to hear thunder!' (the rest of my awesome visit to 'the late late show' is talked about here)
11-11-08
+ with the economy so bad, craig ferguson shares 'many companies are going out of business: sharper image. not surprising, they only sold stupid crap for rich jerks. 'oh, i've got a wine guage, i use it to guage my wine...'. linens and things. not surprising either, the problem is they took a real apathetic approach to what they sold, besides linens. they dont care... even starbucks is down. i've got some advice for them, they can turn it around in two easy steps: 1. stop selling cds! if i wanted a cd i'd go back in time to when cd's were not obsolete! 2. bring back the zuccini walnut muffin! yesterday circuit city filed for chapter 11. who's next?'+ dear aquaman
- coolio. talk and sing
> tom dreesen and tim reid
11-10-08
+ 'i went to new york city over the weekend', tells craig ferguson, 'then i went to baltimore, where i have never been before. baltimore? you bet i do! balt as much as you can! i flew out of dullas airport- what a lovely airport! why cant every airport be like this? its clean, the planes leave on time, the security people are nice. they strip searched me, but only after i asked them to... and they cuddle you afterward.'+ jk rowling show
11-07-08
+ 'the obama's are getting a new puppy', craig ferguson tells us, 'they are thinking of names: rex if it's a boy, and hillary if its a bitch.'+ a brief check in with president bush
tim meadows
on his show, craig ferguson has a group of actors who stop by regularly for different sketches and bits. he usually invites them on in the first half hour of the show before the guests. among these regulars is tim meadows.tim usually comes on as a reporter. he stands in front of a green screen and reports from where ever the story is that week. in his reports he usually talks about his own laziness in not wanting to report, or how the event he's covering really sucks. he and craig banter back and forth, which usually devolves into tim calling craig a racist. of craig's cast of regulars, tim meadows is most often the funniest.
henry winkler
on his show craig ferguson has a group of actors who stop by regularly for different sketches and bits. he usually invites them on in the first half hour of the show before the guests. among these regulars is henry winkler.henry will come on and talk about whatever he is suppossed to be a pro about that week. he has come on to promote (fake) books, give advice for winterizing you house, giving advice to presidential hopefulls, and anything else he wants to. usually playing on his positive image, he jokes with craig and usually gives terrible advice.
mouse pad
when i went to california and saw a taping of 'the late late show with craig ferguson' i made sure to stop in the gift shop and buy anything with the show on it. among the things i got was this mouse pad for the show. i now have it at school and use it everyday!
11-05-08
+ the day after the election craig ferguson warns us 'you know this leaves the door open for a scottish-american president...'+ 'i tivoed the election, so don't tell me who won...' craig jokes, 'i have to say, the election result, how ever it is for the country, its terrible for late night talk show hosts. its tragic. obama doesnt make that many mistakes- how can i do my job?!? im getting a little panicky. a dignified african-american running the country- what the hell can i do with that? my only hope is biden. i think my way in is biden. i'm hoping he's a little crazy, you know in 'lion king' there's that hyena ed? i'm hoping biden is this!'
+ tim medows reports from grant park
* dr. drew
11-03-08
+ its election eve, and craig ferguson has a little poem to share: 'twas the night before the election and all through the nation, we were all sick of it and need a vacation!' + access extratainment tonight with barney slash and john tesh
- bill maher bill and craig both pretend to be disgusted with what each other just said
10-31-08
+ its halloween and craig ferguson talks about some of the different costumes he's worn over the years. last year he dressed up as a banana! + sean connery reads from his autobiography
+ a talk with governer arnold schwarzenegger impersonator
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