1-29-09

+ 'the series premiere of 'hell's kitchen' was on earlier tonight, craig ferguson says, 'i love 'hell's kitchen'! you know, with the people competing and the food and cooking. it's like project runway for people who actually eat food. i don't know why they call it 'hell's kitchen', the food in hell would be terrible. it would be all burnt and smelling like brimstone and everything. do they even have a kitchen in hell? maybe that's why satan chose it, you know, because of the kitchen! 'oh, i dont know, the views not very nice. oh! look at this kitchen! i could get so busy in here! i could put my pots right there, and look, the bedroom is right there, oh and chaney's room is over here...'. whenever i here the name 'hell's kitchen' i think of the movie '300'. now bear with me, i'll tell you why: you know the movie about 300 spartans? right before the fight the leader of the spartans yells 'tonight we dine in hell!' to me that sounds like a monty python sketch: 'tonight we dine in hell!' 'well, what are we having?' 'why do you want to know what we're having?' 'well, if im going to die, i'd like to know what were having for dinner, plus bill is a vegetarian and ian is lactose intolerant' 'ian? since when are spartans called ian?' 'ian henderson, he's our best swordsman. anyway, what are we having?' 'why do you want to know what we're having?' 'well, you brought it up...'' after realizing he had just gone off on a pretty strange tangent, craig comes back 'oh, sorry, i went somewhere else for a minute... what am i doing here?'

- dominic monaghan

- rosemarie dewitt