+ 'this ones going to have alot of action,' craig ferguson says of the movie 'forbidden kingdom', 'you know its not going to be a stuffy drama with jackie chan and jet li sipping tea.' using a stuffy british accent 'i do say, kiss me jet li' 'kiss you gently?' 'yes lord percy'...
+ craig talks about how this movie has two of his favorite things: kung fu and time travel! he begins talking about the book 'the time machine' by h g wells. he says its about two races of people, the beautiful people live above ground, and the ugly ones live underground- 'enjoy the fresh air while you can, trump!'
a great quote by craig: 'sci fi writers are a lot like talk show hosts- they get no respect, no money, and are always looking for intelligent life among the stars...'
craig gets an email from someone in potomac, which he mispronounces as po-to-mac and laughs saying 'sounds like an irish super hero, half man, half potato!'
- kristen bell. she shows off how she has a lazy eye and can move them independently. weird...
+ craig got a little stuffed horse from one of the audience members and proceeds to play with it during the last couple minutes of the show making horse noises and peeking under its tail.

email, mon

'do we even have time for an email?' of course we do, craig! this time they played a little diddy that was in the style of raggae music. craig ferguson shows up in the silly animation wearing a rastafari hat and everything.


+ there seems to be a video going around the internet of a woman who is complaining about her divorce, and craig ferguson things its rediculous. 'this has got to stop. back in the day, maybe around the mid 90s, we had this thing called dignity...'
+ craig makes an astute observation: 'butterflies are the drag queens of the bug world: they got the man junk, but look fabulous!'
+ 'the rather late programme with prince charles' skit, where craig actually gets the royal guard actor to laugh.
-colbie smulders. robin from 'how i met your mother'. an interesting fact: shes dutch and her real first name is yakulba.


+ careful what you wish for... today craig ferguson got his wish! yesterday on the show he said how he really wanted to see monkeys doing riverdance, and today he got his wish! he showed a clip from youtube of a bunch of monkeys doing a riverdance (is hilarious, watch it here)
+ earlier craig talked about how the ferris wheel on santa monica pier went up for sale, and that got him thinking about the days he used to work as a carnie: 'i used to work at a carnival, but i knew working with clowns, freaks, and low pay wasnt for me, so i came to work at cbs. oh the irony...'
- lynn tweddle. she is craigs little sister! how strange! it was really fun to watch them interact with each other and pester each other as sibling do. even by the end of the interview she wasnt convinced that craig really had his own show. 'we always played elaborate trick on each other...'
+ what did we learn? learned monkeys do riverdance! 'my faith has been renewed, i believe there is beauty in the world now.'

email cowboys

yeehaw! the style for this email time jingle is country. they sing along to the tune of 'shell be coming round the mountain'. while it played craig even got up and did a bit of dancing himself and admitted that this one is his favorite!

email espanol

this time craig broke out the spanish style music with a mariachi band and everything! as the music plays we see a couple kids hitting a craig pinata until the candy comes out.


+ today is the big day: tax day! craig ferguson talks a bit about taxes and how this is the first year hes going to have to pay as an american citizen. he mentions celebrities having problems with nannies, but is about as interested in that as i am.
+ craig tells us what would make him the happiest in the world: monkeys doing riverdance!
+ what did we learn? we learned that julie andrews is adorable, and that craigs material is very much like old school vaudeville. now that i think of it, it really is! maybe thats why i dig is so much...


+ flying and groping seem to be on craigs mind tonight. he talks about a couple cases of people being caught for groping others on the subway. kinda icky
+ 'dear aquaman' skit. craig talks about the price of gas: 'petroleum is so expensive. i call it that because im from the 20s...' then he calls out all those cop show and detective movies that have such fake technology like a computer that can zoom in on one part of a photo and make it perfectly clear, but then they need to stall a guy on a phone just so they can trace him. 'what, no caller i.d. in your make believe world?'
+ a suggestion: when ever you go to a coffee place you should give them a crazy name to put on the cup so when they are done they will have to call it out. craigs favorite name: sparkles.


+ craig ferguson talks about beauty pagents. 'the miss usa and the miss america pageants are so similar. do you know what the difference is? the miss usa pageant does not have a talent competition. its owned by trump, coincidence? no.'
+ as he sits at his desk pressing buttons that make noises, craig gives up the jig- 'i know its lame, you dont have to tell me' he then proceeds to have an argument with the camera as if he is talking to the audience at home. very funny, but hard to explain...


+ after incessantly mocking it just a couple nights before, craig ferguson happily mentions that 'secret talent of the stars' has been cancelled after just one episode. who would have thought a show featuring sulu from star trek singing country music would fail?
+ betty white shows up, but she just came by to do her taxes. craig offers to help, but she rebuffs him asking 'what do you know about american taxes? your an illegal alien...'
+ what did we learn? craig, as he undoes his tie, realizes that the price tag is still on it. 'well, we learned this tie costs $125! thats outrageous!' i agree, because it was actually quite hideous.

email pirates

another new email jingle, this time it was a rowdy play on a pirate drinking song. craig looks hilarious as captain jack sparrow.

email beatles

this little jingle sounded like the beatles and was in the style of yellow submarine.


+ after a bit of coughing, craig ferguson says he has a 'frog in my throat'. then he wonders aloud where that phrase comes from? well, after poking around a bit, here are a couple proposed origins:
1. In the past in was feared that a frog was really present when this sensation occurred. In olden times people often drank from ponds and streams; there was always the possibility of swallowing a whole animal or, worse, its eggs. If the eggs were taken in, then they were said to hatch inside and, when ready to come out, would cause a choking feeling.
2. it comes from the old english word 'frogga', meaning 'hoarseness'.
not sure which is accurate, but its quite interesting none the less.
+ craig shares this amusing story: 'i met mike myers in a restaurant once and i said 'you do a fantastic scottish accent!' and he replied 'its not as good as yours'.'
+ a skit of what bono and the edge are talking about in the green room before performing on 'american idol gives back'.
- kaley couco. the girl from 'big bang theory', i was quite pleasantly surprised at how good she was able to improv along with craig. impressive.
+ what did we learn? earlier in the show he put on some lip stuff from a cute girl in the audience, it was some sort of lip enlarger thing. at the end of the show he said 'its not a good idea to borrow cosmetics from women. now ive got to go to the hospital. good night!'


+ craig ferguson is quite excited for the new shows on cbs, especially 'secret talent of the stars', he shares his thoughts on its chances of success: 'its gonna bomb.' he goes on to explain why: its got danny bonaduce, who has craigs name tatooed on his butt. dannys secret talent is that he can ride a unicycle. wow.
+ craig goes off on a hilarious rant about how rediculous reality shows are, but he does admit he watches 'rock of love', mostly to see how unintentionally funny it is.
- anne heche. wow, she really is crazy, and oh, what an annoying voice!


unfortunately, my tivo decided to record david letterman tonight instead of craig ferguson. not much that can be done about that. sorry, but no summary for this episode.


+ today saw the release of the rolling stones documentary 'shine a light', and craig ferguson had a bit to say about the old guys. he shared that he actually went on tour with them once. he wrote something mick liked and was interested in persuing. 'did it turn out? no. why do you think im here?'
+ craig getts quite worked up and shares with us something that he hates deeply: alpakas. he calls them 'gay sheep'. 'there are all those infomercials with their 'get rich raising alpakas' schemes- id rather stay poor!'
+ 'celebrity minute with vance le brea' interview
> mrs. hughes, a 66 year old comic

what did we learn?

craig ferguson has recently added a new segment to his show. now at the end of the show, instead of just pressing a button that makes a moo noise and saying 'thats the cow of time, see you tomorrow', he sits, loosenes his tie (and sometimes takes off his shoes) and shares with us a summary of what we learned during the course of the episode. usually its silly bits that were mentioned during the guests conversation, or stuff from his monologue. what is especially cool about this new bit is that he come up with it just off the top of his head (i know for a fact that they didnt plan it when i saw him because the teleprompter was blank) which just goes to show how he actually does listen to his guests, and it highlights just how quick of a wit he has!
im pretty sure this new idea stemmed from the episode i was in the audience for. at the end of that show he gave his first summary about aisha tyler and richard bransons visit. it was hilarious! (that summary is written out here).


+ it seems that men on iceland have the highest life expentency, craig ferguson tells us, the average icelandic man lives to be 79. he also shares that many icelandic people are very superstitious and believe in trolls. or something like that. he shares 'they called it iceland to keep people away, you know, marauders.' then he breaks out into a high voice 'oh, i dont want to go maraud over there, its a bit cold...'
+ craig goes off topic a bit and cracks himself up when he starts talking about 'boy meets world' and the rediculously named girl tapanga.
+ murder she wrote 2008 skit
+ what did we learn? there was a murder! fish improves memory, craig is attracted to women in surgical boots, and only classically trained musicians are allowed to wear capes.

email original

quite a few months ago craig started doing email jingles. when ever he asks if there is enough time for email there is a little diddy that plays telling him that there is always time to answer an email. the first jingle he did he used for quite a while. after this one he began to branch out into other styles of music, but this one was the first.


+ craig ferguson has plastic surgery on his mind. he talked about how so many people now are getting stuff done and how recently its been announced in the news that botox is bad for you. 'botox stands for 'bochalism toxin'- who would have thought that would be bad for you?!?'
+when he came back from the commercial break he was quitely sitting looking at the camera. 'it seems ive gone shy...' followed by a minute or two of awkward silence. that would be funny, huh? if a talk show host was suddenly too shy to talk?
= kylie minogue talked and sang


+ craig ferguson starts by saying that he spent some time this morning getting ready and brushing his teeth 'i know, ive gone very american!' and while looking in the mirror he realizes that his eyebrows are huge and hes looking a bit like sam the eagle muppet.
oh it is a sad day indeed, craig announces that he has fired his old sidekick davis! the travesty! im sorry to hear it, davis, you will be sorely missed.
today is april fools day and craig admits his dislike for the holiday, claiming 'on april fools everyone trys to be funny, its amateur night!' and he remembers an old april fools joke played by the bbc where they ran a documentary about spaghetti farms and how they would harvest the pasta from the trees- and tons of people believed it and called into the television station asking where they could get one of them.
+ craig had a bit of a problem with his mic and (jokingly) throws a fit 'aw, the show is ruined! no, actually that happened three years ago when i started working here...'
+ after a few off color jokes, craig realizes that hes been being naughty, but claims 'i dont want to do dirty stuff, but the owner of cbs, ron cbs, came to my office and told me i should...'
= your lips, your lips. these guys actually taped their segment of the show while i was there, so i got to see this part live. too bad they sucked.