a married man

congratulations to craig ferguson on the wedding to megan wallace cunningham! may your lives together be long and happy, and full of cheeky wee monkeys.


+ craig ferguson got married!!! 'i had a great time off. what happened? i got married!' craig exclaims, and the crowd goes wild! 'i know! i know i said i would never get married again, but apparently i can't live by my own rules. take that, me. you know what was even more shocking? the wedding was in vermont where they have legalized gay civil unions, and i married a woman! but i am european, so i was both the groom and maid of honor.'
'there are all sorts of rumor online that this could actually hurt my career. they say 'he can't get married, there will be thousands of angry cougars!' well, there will be upwards of a dozen angry cougars... so i'm sorry angry cougars, and angry bears, and one very disappointed sheep...'
+ larry king of the jungle

million dollar password

craig ferguson recently appeared on 'million dollar password' as a celebrity contestant. the show is hosted by regis philbin, and he introduces craig by saying 'joining us tonight, one of the funniest comedians, very unique, very original, from the late late show on cbs, craig ferguson!' craig waves to the crowd and regis comments 'and, uh, thanks so much for dressing up...'
'anyway craig,' continues regis, 'it's great to see you, love your monologues; very unique, off the cuff, just great stuff.'
craig responds 'thank you regis, i feel the same way about you, but today- stay out of my way!'
regis retorts 'and incidentally, welcome to primetime tv'
'hey, knock it off!' craig responds.
as the game progressed craig did a great job and was very good at giving clues and guessing words. he was selected to help by both contestants and he won both of them twenty five thousand dollars!


+ christmas is over, but there is still some holiday fun to be had. craig ferguson tells us 'back in the old country, where i'm from, the day after christmas is called 'boxing day'. it got it's name from donation boxes that were opened after christmas when priests would hand out money to the poor. its a tradition i think we can start here in america. the day after christmas we could offer help to the needy, like hobo's, the banks, car companies, you know, the people who really need our help...'
+ a sean connery holiday memory
+ an absolutely hysterical cooking segment with wolfgang puck and kristen bell. this is probably the funniest the show has ever been! i was howling with laughter the whole time!


+ it's christmas time!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'now, my christmas is usually pretty low key. you know, a crackling fire, roasted nuts... i have to remember not to stand so close to the fire this year.'
craig goes on to share a few family traditions in his household: 'when i was a kid santa never brought us much. our tradition, what we used to do is yell up the chimney for santa. my dad would be sitting there 'yell up the chimney, son' 'hey santa, can i have a bike?' my dad would be standing behind me 'no, we dont have any bikes left. how about a potato? you can carve it into any shape you like'.'
'the whole family would hang stockings, every year the stockings are always filled with the same things: tangerines and chocolate. i have no idea why, its not a combination you see at any other time of year. tangerines and chocolate, but thanks to that diet i got zits, but never got scurvy!'
+ tom arnold stops by in a santa suit
- billy bob thornton comes bearing gifts.


+ during the two minute intro segment craig ferguson often enjoys playing with different stuffed animals that people bring him. this week he has been talking as the voice of a stuffed monkey, 'good evening everyone, i'm the traditional christmas monkey. a christmas monkey dressed as some sort of elevator operator... nothing says christmas like a talking gay monkey dressed like an elevator operator. and im wearing no pants! ha ha! that can only mean one thing: santa's on his way!'
+ craig is visited by three christmas ghosts

craig ferguson's holiday christmas spectacular

its that time of year once again where everyone has their christmas specials. we are told that unfortunately cbs wasn't willing to air craig ferguson's special, so he decided to air it himself. this is a sketch in the style of those old christmas specials where the host is in his living room and some famous guests stop by and chat. a guy doing is dressed up playing the part of craig (this guy is terrible and unfunny, he needs to be fired!), and different guests stop in to say hi. first, craig comes in dressed up as michael caine with a glass of wiskey in one hand, and a bunch of double entendres in the other. he leaves and after a few seconds craig comes back dressed as prince charles, bearing gifts for 'craig'. after he is gone, craig comes back dressed as santa! it was a really funny bit, well, except for the guy playing 'craig'.


+ always one to share new research, craig ferguson tells about the latest, 'there was a study that just came out this week that debunks a lot of popular myths, i was fascinated by this, for example sugar doesn't actually make kids go crazy. i thought it did, but it doesn't. eating at night does not make you fatter than any other time of day, also, he who smelt it isn't necessarily the one who dealt it! i'm like 'are you sure?!?' lets just pull my finger to check...'
+ tillman, the skateboarding dog brings out the mail. it goes very poorly.
+ craig ferguson's holiday christmas spectacular


+ 'there was a huge announcement today from the disney channel', craig shares, 'they are going to russia! starting next month they're going to be broadcasting there for the first time. isn't that amazing? the disney corporation is going to have to change some of the names of their shows for russia though. 'hannah montana' will have to be 'hannah siberia', 'the lion king' will have to be 'the lion party boss', 'beauty and the borshed', 'alice in vodka-land', 'peter panski', 'swiss family bulshivik', '101 totalitarians', and 'finding nemo guilty of crimes against the state'! boy, i spent all day on that...'
+ espn uk
+ a sean connery holiday memory


+ this week the new movie 'the wrestler' comes out and craig ferguson tells us all about it: 'apparently the movie reveals some hard truths, because it turns out that wrestling is fake! i haven't been this shocked since i found out clay aiken is gay. now, a lot of wrestlers have signature moves, like chris jericho as 'the walls of jerecho'. well, i've got my own signature move, i call it the 'ferguson pull-my-finger', they never see it coming!'
'i'm going to take a controversial stance here and say that wrestling is not a sport.' the crowd 'ooh's, 'dont you ooh me! you're not vince mcmahan. in the state of new jersey the courts ruled that its not a legitimate sport. and if the state of new jersey says you're a bit shady, then you're a bit shady!'
+ a sean connery holiday memory
- samuel l. jackson he was in top form and really funny!

daniel mcvicar

every once in a while a door bell sounds. craig ferguson is always shocked and confusedly asks 'do we even have a door?!?' its daniel mcvicar, the star of one of cbs' daytime soap operas. he comes in and he and craig share some barbed pleasantries, then they start to feud, usually involving craig 'girlfriend' ashley. daniel steals her away, causing craig to scream to the heavens 'damn you mcvicar!' the back and forth between the two is always a play on the heightened melodrama of soap operas, and they often pull out the cheesy camera soft focus they always seem to use on those shows. the bitter rivalry between the two is always funny! this is one of the bits craig does that always hits the perfect notes and is always amusing.


+ giving out financial advice, craig ferguson says 'with the economy as it is, the only sue fire way to make money is to divorce madonna. did you hear what he's getting? 76 million dollars in the divorce settlement- that's right, one for the guys! a lot of people are making fun of guy ritchie, i say fair play to him, he earned every penny of that 76 million being married to her, i mean, you break it down and it works out to 50 cents for every time she mentioned the kabbalah. 'i just want to talk about kabbalah, i used to be a girl from detroit, now i'm an english bloke, all right? how ya doin?'.'
+ sean connery shares a holiday memory
- joanna garcia from 'reba'!


+ 'of course the big story over the weekend,' craig ferguson informs us, 'is that president bush had that press conference in iraq which turned onto shoe-pocolypse now! the journalist threw his shoe- can i just say, when a journalist throws his shoes at the president, thats one of those days where if you are a late night talk show host you just go 'ahh!, thats tonights show taken care of!'.'
+ dan mcvicar comes by, he and craig have a soap opera moment together...

nature's platform

a new sketch that featured craig ferguson and another guy (seriously, this guy is not funny at all- he needs to leave the show!) doing a bit about being hippies. there was a lot of 'yah, man', and 'totally dude' going on. these two guys have their own public access show about nature, and were trying to sell their product, all natural diapers. not very funny, but craig always seems to crack up during any sketch, so its automatically funnier!


+ today the movie 'the day the earth stood still' comes out, and craig ferguson shares 'i love the old sci-fi movies cause the aliens were always a metaphor of what we were really afraid of, so in the 1950's everyone was afraid of communists, so that's why the aliens were always from planet bolshevik or something. they tried to make us share our stuff, drink vodka, and stuff. were not afraid of communists anymore, they've all gone away, so now they updated the aliens in the new movie, what happens is these aliens are broke and demand a five hundred billion dollar bailout from the government...'
+ 'nature's platform' skit
- carrie fisher craig says 'your crazy!' oops... cause she really is.


+ the golden globe nominations were announced, and craig ferguson has a pretty strong opinion about them: 'ah, the golden globes, the most corrupt award show in hollywood, in a town that is no stranger to corruption... here's how it works: the nominations are selected by the hollywood foreign press association. now, when you hear 'foreign press', you think prestigious journalists, lamond, or der speigel, but they are not these guys. they are from the amsterdam penny saver, or the zurich yoddler, the belgrade auto trader... and theres only 90 of these 'journalists'. every year they vote for which ever studio gives them the coolest gifts! they are for sale, every year the studios spend millions of dollars trying to bribe the foreign press into giving them a nomination. they should be using the money for something productive, like buying a seat in the senate...'
+ murder she wrote 2008
- brooke shields she and craig presented at the emmy awards together.


+ tonight craig ferguson shares his thoughts on the blagojavich scandal: 'i'm upset about this scandal because it's sullying the otherwise spotless reputation of chicago politicians!
remember the movie 'the untouchables'? it was set in chicago when sean connery played a good cop in a city of corrupt cops, and he tells kevin costner in the movie, he tells him 'welcome to chicago, this town stinks like a whore house at low tide'. you say 'thats a great line', then you go 'wait, what the hell does that mean?!?' sean connery must go to some very unusual whore houses...'
+ his (fake) agent murrey stops by

best of 2008

at the end of each year, entertainment weekly has always has a 'best of' issue where they list the best of everything from tv, to movies, to books. this year our very own craig ferguson made the list of '10 best shows of 2008'! he was listed as number 8 (along with his lead-in, david letterman). the article goes on to praise him:
...Meanwhile, his follow-up act, Ferguson, knew precisely how to fine-tune sincerity and daffiness, no more effectively than when this new Amer­ican citizen eloquently implored us all to vote.

email christmas

another new jingle was added to the collection of clips that preceded craig ferguson's reading of the email. this time it is a seasonal jingle for christmas time. this time the guy who plays 'john tesh' in the 'access extratainment tonight' sketches is dressed up like an elf and sings a little diddy about christmas emails.