+ 'the most terrifying news story today', craig ferguson warns, 'is that octopuses use coconuts for shelter. octopuses have learned to use coconuts! i couldnt believe it, i always thought more than one octopus was called octopi, but its octopuses. what? thats what it is! i have no idea why, dont email me english majors, i dont care. but heres why it doesnt make sense to me: if you have more than one cactus, youve got a cacti. if you have more than one stimulus, youve got stimuli. if youve got more than fungus, youve probably had sex with bret micheals. but i do like octopi because it makes me hungry because i think of eight pies. and pie is the tarzan to my stomachs jane... that doesnt even make sense for this show! anyway, it turns out they dig up coconuts from the ocean floor and make stuff! isnt that adorable? they make shelters, weapons, pina coladas. my mother used to always say 'i'm not an octopus, i cant do eight things at once. which i never understood, just cause youve got eight arms, doesnt mean you can do eight things at once. its a ridiculous notion, although my mother did used to hide in a coconut.'
+ a collection of christmas specials from different famous people: sarah palin, andy rooney, kate gosselin, simon cowell, willie nelson, paula abdul, and tom cruise.

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