5-09-11

+ 'its not a great day if you suffer from alergies', craig ferguson states, 'its not a great year, actually. doctors are saying that 2011 will be the worst year ever for allergies. now, keep in mind that the doctors said 2010 would be the worst year, and the same in 2009. i'm thinking perhaps maybe these doctors work for the companies that make allergy medicine. thats right, doctors, i'm on to you! i dont need you, i'll check my own prostate, thank you very much! although even when i do i still get weepy... there's a lot of different allergy medications, but the only one brand that really works is the one that advertises on cbs... i actually keep hundreds of boxes of allergy medication in my garage. well, actually, its more of a lab. thats right, i have a meth lab in my garage! cbs cares... allergy season in l.a. is very bad this year. 'how bad is it craig?' its so bad that the lakers did nothing but choke! allergy season is so bad that cher sneezed and her nose fell off! you know who i blame for this allergy stuff: pollen. thats right, pollen, i'm calling you out bitch. pollen is a fine powder that plants use to fertilize other plants. through out the 1980's i also used a fine powder... talcin powder. i used to chafe easily while i was high on cocaine.'
- jeff goldblum
- sarah chalke