happy birthday, geoff!

'its geoff's bithday tonight, he's two!' craig ferguson states, 'i thought it would be a good idea if i invited geoff's former girlfriend, his 'heterosexual experiment': alex, and things have gotten a little weird'.
geoff, wearing a birthday hat, says 'yeash, i look like a gay wizard!'
'wait, they have straight ones?!?' craig responds.

geoff's new girlfriend

it seems that geoff peterson has found a new lady friend! earlier this week craig ferguson invited a young woman from the audience to come up and chat with him during the show intro: 'so, are you a dancer?' craig asks.

'i'm an actor' alex replies.

'just getting started? are you in any of the acting classes? when you are in the acting classes are there cute boys that you get to make out with and stuff?' craig questions.

'yup' alex responds.

'i went to them too. look, you know, its good that you are getting out and making friends. but you've got to be careful, there are a lot of ruthless rotten types in this town and if you are not careful you could wind up hosting a crappy late night talk show, and i worry about you. do you have an agent?' asks craig.

'no, i dont'

'well, thats good! wait a minute... did you just sit in lesbian row so you could get on the show?' craig wonders.

'sorta kinda'

'i see, so you are using this show to forward your career. you know, why not? good luck to you, i say.' as the show progressed, alex stood up by geoff peterson for the tweets and emails segment, and alex's mom even came and sat with craig during the closing segment of the show. the next night we find out that she and geoff must have hit it off because craig introduces her as geoff's new girlfriend! she seems to like 'em skinny, gay, and dead! good luck to the two of them!

*UPDATE* unfortunately for geoff, they broke up soon after alex's appearance. but, alex seemed to like being on craig's show so much that she applied for an internship at CBS! alex came to the show again and craig announced that fact on air! he also tried to hook alex up with bridger, the former intern who now works on the show as a production assistant. i'll keep you updated any any alex/bridger news!

craig on sheen

wondering what craig ferguson will say about the meltdown of charlie sheen? turns out, hes not going to say anything. at the beginning of monday's show he started off with this though: "in the 18th century there was a mental hospital in london. its been there a very long time, it started as a priory in the 12th century i think. anyway, its called bedlem. what happened was in the 18th century is that people would go along and pay a penny to look through the peep holes of the cells and look a the lunatics and would laugh at them. they thought that laughing at the lunatics was fun and were willing to pay a penny for it. i think people look at that now and they think 'gosh, people were heartless and cruel back then', i dont think they were heartless and cruel, they just didnt know, they didnt know that mental illness isnt funny. so i'm looking at the charlie sheen thing unfolding and i'm thinking 'awe, man!' you see, heres what i'm thinking, i'm thinking ive done jokes about this on the show, i'll freely admit, i'm a desperate man in a tight spot and ill do whatever i can to get through an hour of bad tv every night. but i'm watching it now and i'm thinking 'nope, no. i'm stopping'. i'm starting to admit that i'm paying my penny and peeking through the hole, and i'm not comfortable with it anymore. if you are joining us tonight to see a lot of charlie sheen jokes, i'm not going to be doing any. i'm not comfortable with it. by the way, this should be a message to anybody: when a late night host goes 'actually, you know what, whooo, lets not'. then you know that maybe its time to do something about it and get some help. thats not my business, what i'm saying is this: i'm not going to do it tonight.'

why did jennifer beals hit her boyfriend?

at the end of thursday's episode of 'the late late show with craig ferguson', the little kitty asks the question he always asks: what did we learn on the show tonight, craig? 'now listen, we learned a lot on the show tonight. i learned a lot. i learned about the problems in the gulf from our old friend jean michel. we learned about beaver creek and how it has the oldest strip club in america. we even learned that chris hilty, the sound man for this show, saw two hobos having sex in santa monica. but what we never learned is why jennifer beals hit her boyfriend with a camera. i've been doing this job for years, the first thing you should do is when someone announces something like that, you say 'wait wait wait. nevermind about the project, why did you hit your boyfriend with the damn camera?' but i didnt. man, i think this is the beginning of the end... oh wait a minute, its CBS, they dont care! no, everything's fine. although, i would like you to send me in suggestions of why you think jennifer beals hit her boyfriend with a camera! and the five best ones will win a photograph of an ostrich! cant be any more fare than that!'

if you've got any great insight or funny ideas, go ahead and email craig here!

lex shrapnel

while talking with emily blunt on the show, craig ferguson asks her if she has ever done any shakespeare. she says she has and was actually in 'romeo and juliet'. craig asks her who played romeo and she said that it was a guy named lex shrapnel. craig goes nuts, stating that that is the greatest name he has ever heard! he then vows to have lex shrapnel on the show some time. after the guests are gone and craig comes back for the closing segment of the show, he says 'so anyway, we found online a picture of lex shrapnel, the actor who played romeo with emily blunt. lex shrapnel, the man with the best name in show business. i know what you are thinking, 'criag, you are mocking'. no, i am not mocking at all. this is only the beginning. in the future, when people are gathered around campfires, they will say 'do you remember lex shrapnel movies? they began around 2011, thats when they really began to kick in. how did lex ever become the enormous super mega star action hero that he became?' i'll tell you why, because tonight one man was willing to stand up and say 'i am here for you, lex shrapnel!'. we will bring you over from whatever god forsaken european country you are in and you will be invited on this show, second guest probably... baby steps, lex, baby steps. but from that appearance it will grow and it will grow, and you will become the biggest movie star in the world! and when that happens perhaps you will get me out of this fucking shit hole!!!'

happy 6th anniversary!

'wow!' craig ferguson says as the stage hand sets up a couple vases on stage, 'yes, you may well be impressed! 'craig, it looks like you are standing in a badly lit vase store!' so, look, heres the thing. we are trying to class up the joint. this is our sixth anniversary. as a joke, cbs said to me 'do you want anything for your sixth anniversary?', and i said 'yeah, get me two ming vases'. and i'm like, are you serious? and they are actually just for tonight, they are on loan from the getty museum, they are two genuine ming vases from the 1500's, they are considered priceless. they originally belonged to the emperor wan lee, the emperor of china. they are known for the beauty of their decoration. and so are the vases... anyway, this is a very big deal for us, and i'm thinking 'ming vases? priceless ming vases in this studio?!? hope everythings going to be ok...'

later, during the tweets and email time, secretariat comes out and almost hits them. immediately craig calls for his intern bridger to come out and put the vases away to keep them safe. and wouldnt you know it, right at that moment, secretariat comes out again! he runs right into bridger and the vases fall to the ground and are destroyed! who could have seen that coming?

the golden harmonica

craig ferguson recently had one of his best guests on, billy connelly, and gave him the choice that he gives all his guests: 'awkward pause, or mouth organ?' a choice between a silent awkward moment between he and the guest, or a chance to play the harmonica with him. billy took the mouth organ and played marvelously! he lead the audience in a rousing rendition of 'oh, suzanna!'. after the audience applauds, craig shares 'if ever we had a guest who can actually play this damn thing, we would give them the golden mouth organ thats under glass! bring it out!' craig shouts! 'sir william connelly, let me present you with the golden harmonica of cbs!' with a cheer, billy connelly accepts! no wonder this guy is one of craig's favorites! winners of the golden mouth organ so far:
1. billy connolly
2. david pogue
3. jennifer ouellette
4. hugh laurie
5. neil patric harris
6. larry johnson, an audience member
7. kevin bacon

8. zooey deschanel

9. jim cummings

10. john goodman

11. jayma mays

12. ewan mcgregor

13. wilford brimley
14. eric idle
15. dr. oz
16. steven tyler
17. david robinson, an audience member
18. adam savage
19. tom hanks

a christmas gift from jimmy fallon

'my christmas present just arrived from my secret admirer!' craig ferguson gushes, 'and when i say secret admirer i think i know who its from. geoff? no. dr phil? maybe. no, too expensive.' craig opens the card and reads what it says: 'dear craig, please accept this beautiful top notch christmas sweater as a symbol of our friendship. from: jimmy fallon'. 'now, i'm very excited about this because everyone knows that jimmy fallon is the best knitter in network television! oh, i know, you are like 'craig, your crazy! he's your direct competitor! you cant say how great jimmy is!' aw, come on, everybody knows it, jimmy is awesome, and he can knit like 12 gay men!' when craig opens it he shutters 'oh, its beautiful!' craig then goes on to share that he sent jimmy a gift too, which he is opening at the exact same time on nbc. it sure is nice to see two hosts who wont fall into that whole 'late night war' thing, huh? 'tis the season and all that!

poor geoff!

russell brand, always a great guest on 'the late late show with craig ferguson', seems to have a problem with geoff peterson. or at least he did on his latest visit! after talking with craig for a bit, geoff peterson piped in and russell lashed out at him for fear of a robot uprising, it would seem. he poured his drink over geoff peterson's head! after a little more talking with craig, russell returned to geoff and pushed him around, causing the top of his head to fall off, then russell grabbed the geoff's mug and stand and bashed him over the head with it! poor geoff! it was pretty funny, though. sure hope geoff's circuits didnt get fried and he still works tomorrow...

team secretariat shirts

for the last month or so on 'the late late show with craig ferguson', craig has been obsessed with secretariat. it all stemmed from the disney film that recently came out. ever since the film came out craig has had the door bell ring during his tweets and emails segment and has seen a dancing secretariat come out to wild applause! craig has loved it so much that the doorbell has been ringing during other segments as well. whenever the horse comes out during an interview, craig and the guest jump up and start dancing. now craig is taking it to a new level: when ever a guest dances along to the secretariat song, he awards them a 'team secretariat' shirt! when talking to salman rushdie, the first to receive a shirt, he said 'because you danced with secretariat, i've issued a new regime of giving a free tee shirt to everyone who dances with secretariat!'

recipiants so far:
salman rushdie
chris hardwicke
kristen bell
katie couric
neil patrick harris
ali the audience member

want one for yourself? find one here!

secretariat

ever since the disney movie came out, secretariat has become a running gag on 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. often times on the show there will be a doorbell that rings during the email and twitter segment, and recently that doorbell has meant the arrival of secretariat! not the horse itself, mind you, but two guys dressed up as a horse! when he comes in craig jumps out of his seat and dances along with the special secretariat music! some episodes we wont see the horse at all, but other times he comes out 3 or 4 times! i'm sure craig's enjoyment of it will wane, but for now- enjoy the dance!

craig's band

well, what do you know? looks like craig ferguson and the late late show finally got a band! now they will be just like the rest of the late night shows! well, not exactly... craig's band is a bit different, its just two guys standing over by geoff peterson, the robot skeleton sidekick. one of the guys plays the accordian and the other plays the harmonica. strange, huh? as i watched i wondered if this was just a one time only deal, or if this was going to last. craig addressed that question during his 'what have we learned on the show tonight, craig?' segment when he said: 'you know folks, things on the show tonight, some things went good, and other things we all know didnt go so good. but i, i think back to the first night a young skeleton took the reigns of the podium there, and his first night was pretty awkward too. now look at him- still shit. but we are committed, and remember that if something doesnt really work on the show, that means its going to be around for quite a while...'

ferguson's ferrets

recently craig ferguson has shared one of his secret passions: ferrets! which i'm sure is completely true, it even says so on wikipedia, and you know you can trust anything thats on wikipedia... and to prove that love he shows off this amazing picture of his family of ferrets. also, love the peace sign earring...
be sure to check out the rest of 'the scottish king' website! we've got over 500 episode summaries, email and twitter jingles, segments, and other fun stuff!

spaghetti attack!

in the spirit of frendly competition, craig ferguson has been talking back and forth with jimmy fallon on his show on nbc! it all started when craig took out his big mickey mouse glove and waved over to jimmy fallon and asked him to wave back. well, jimmy complied and then send something over craigs way. jimmy, through silly tv magic, shot spaghetti out of his eyes and sent it over to craig, and just at that very moment, if you turned the channel over to cbs, the spaghetti went into craigs eyes!
over on craig's show he stopped mid monologue and stated 'something happening to my eyes! i just got spaghetti in my eyes! delicious spaghetti! wait a minute, i know that taste! thats jimmy fallon's spaghetti!' its really cool to see these two professionals, who are in competition for ratings, having some fun together! who knows, maybe this might lead to craig being on jimmy's show and jimmy being on craigs- now that would be pretty amazing!

hobo audience

recently craig ferguson has taken to calling his audience hobos. why? i'm not entirely sure, he seems to think that only hobos would be willing to sit in the audience and watch his show! as someone who has been in the audience before, it is certainly not the case! (well, i dont consider myself a hobo anyway...) since they are hobos, craig has been making them the promise of free chicken if they behave themselves.
'the audience tonight is really hyped up at the promise of some free chicken!' craig ferguson shares, 'oprah gives out cars, we give out the possibility of free chicken! now, wait, you must know this: i have never yet gave out the free chicken because no audience has ever deserved it. but tonight things may change. or maybe, i'll be sending a chicken around to your place. and when i say 'sending a chicken around to your place' i think you know what i mean... hey baby, can i send a chicken around to your place? yup, still creepy!'

robot skeleton sidekick update!

going back to when craig ferguson first joined twitter, he decided to call his twitter followers his 'robot skeleton army'. this gave craig a great idea: what if he had a robot skeleton sidekick! well, he has been plotting and planing trying to make this happen.
turns out, he's actually going to make it happen!
craig made a deal with grant imahara, from mythbusters, to build him a robot skeleton sidekick! it will be unveiled on april 5. be sure to stay tuned to get your first look at geoff peterson (thats the name craig has given his robot skeleton sidekick...)

craig puppet

it finally happened! craig ferguson has been using puppets on 'the late late show' during the introduction so much that he has finally turned into one!

puppet contest results

for several weeks now, craig ferguson has been having a little contest on 'the late late show'. often on the show he will start off before the opening song with puppets. he has a vast collection of puppets and uses them with very funny results! now he is having a 'puppet popularity contest' to see which puppet the audience likes the best. each night (or so) he shares the results from his website. though there were many in the running, craig narrowed it down to the top five or six. when the audience voted for ones he didn't like, he would have the puppet bow out of the race. leading us the the final contest winner: the shark! strange how criag's favorite puppet seemed to win without the most votes... me thinks that there might have been some hanging chads to blame...

fist shake

during the episode of 'the late late show with craig ferguson' on july 23 it was apparent that craig didn't care much for the audience. they kept 'ooh'ing and 'boo'ing at all the wrong times and it obviously got on his nerves, causing him to get up out of his desk and shake his fist at them!
this fist shaking incident either made him feel bad and now is trying to cover it up, or it was an inspiration to him for a new schtick. because since then he has turned it into a bit that he does where he threatens to shake his fist at the audience, when he does they even play silly music as he goes from one side of the audience to the other as the camera follows him. it quite funny because i have always enjoyed (and actually copied in real life) the way he shakes his fist: he doesnt move his whole arm, rather he shakes it at the wrist.

the great puppet challenge!

on monday night craig ferguson created a new contest on his show: the great puppet challenge! often over the past several months on his show, craig has been using puppets in his introductions to the show. he started out with a monkey puppet, and has since included many many more. some times he uses one, other times (usually when craig does a musical number at the top of the show) he uses six or more at a time! now he has decided to find out which one is the audience favorite, which is the best puppet! here is you chance, go here to vote on which of craig's puppets is the greatest puppet in 'the great puppet challenge!'