5-03-12

+ 'our president is in a little bit of hot water', craig ferguson states, 'a new biography about the president says that he took artistic liberties with his memoir.  it said that he fictionalized details for narrative clarity.  what the biography means is that president obama made some crap up.  i'm like 'how is this news? he's a politician, how do you think he became the president?'  you make crap up!  you come out of college and start lying and you just dont quite!  normally a little fib about a girlfriend wouldnt be a big deal, like the rest of us the president is aloud to stretch the truth a little bit now and then.  for instance, every morning he can tell joe biden that if he fetches the paper he'll get to drive train force one.  technically that is a lie, there is no train force one, but biden doesnt know that!  obama made this stuff up though in a memoir, and memoirs are supposed to be true.  or are they?  the word memoir comes from a french word that means memory.  its weird to me that obama chose to fabricate in his memoir because it wasnt something cool he made up like hitting six home runs in a little league game or faking his own birth certificate.  no, it was something lame, he just compressed several girlfriends into one character.  i'm thinking 'oh very smooth'.  if there's one thing i know that women love, its being blurred together with other women.  i recently wrote a memoir, i know how hard it is to remember the exact details of stuff that happened decades ago.  luckily i had a crack team of researches on my side, they are known as the scottish police!  apparently when you get arrested people fill out a report and they write it down!  they explain why and even include one or two or thirty pages explaining what went down!  anyway, the publisher told me that it was legally ok to change names of people in a memoir to save them from embarrassment.  but when i tried to take them up on it, they wouldnt let me change my own name!'
- julie andrews
- michael emerson