5-02-12

+ 'its a great day if you like to hang around the airports', craig ferguson states, 'today travel and leisure magazine came out with their list of america's best airports.  topping the list is minniapolis st paul.  i was surprised until i saw the factors the used to make the decision:
1. percent of flights on time
2. bathrooms with senators gettin' it on
3. close to city center
4. people talking like they're in the movie 'fargo'
5. hand dryers powerful enough to warm your junk
you know what i just though?  why do we make a list of five things?  why not make a list of ten things every night and then count down from 10...  hey, if you are going to steal stuff, make sure its within the family!  anyway, the airport survey, i'm annoyed at it.  i get annoyed at these things because they always give airports high marks for weird stuff like indoor gardens and yoga rooms.  i dont give a crap about any of that!  i want stuff that really matters, like how quickly can i get out of a baggage claim after stealing somebody's suitcase?  and then this survey has a category for best airport bars.  i'm like 'wha?'  airport bars always freak me out, they are always like star wars.  its one of the two places where its acceptable to be drunk off your ass at seven o'clock in the morning.  one is an airport bar, and the other is a place in ireland called 'ireland'.'
- anjelica huston
- reno wilson