8-31-11

+ 'its not a great day for one american today', craig ferguson states, 'one man in ohio was arrested after he was caught having sex with an inflatable raft! first of all i'm like 'thats illegal? land of the free my ass!' i didnt know it was illegal to have sex with a raft! whats the statute of limitations on something like that?... he got caught because he was in a store! he got caught in the store having sex with a raft which was for sale! it wasnt even his raft! he got caught cause the owner of the store said 'stop!', actually he probably said 'finish up and then just pay me for the raft'. the saddest part is though after the man was arrested he admitted that the whole time he was thinking about the skinny little canoe across the isle. in other news, something weird happened in vancouver, which is in canada. the police found a human foot washed ashore. just a foot, nobody attached to it, just a foot. the vancouver police said its the most horrifying thing they had ever seen at the beach. then the people in ohio said 'you didnt see the guy humping the raft!'.'

- leslie bibb

> louie anderson