8-26-11

+ 'its another friday, another big movie opening today', craig ferguson states, 'the movie today is dont be afraid of the dark. i went to see it this afternoon. i went to the ticket booth and said 'dont be afraid of the dark' and the guy said 'hey, i cant be, i work in a movie theater!' ha ha! and we laughed and laughed and laughed. and then i kissed him. i'm kidding, i didnt see the movie- but i kissed the dude! you know if dont be afraid of the dark is successful there will be more movies with similar titles: 'dont swim on a full stomach', 'dont touch yourself or you'll go blind'. dont be afraid of the dark is one of those horror movies, it looks too scary. now, let me clarify: scary as in creepy, not scary as in 'i let my coupon to 9west expire!' when i watch the horror movies i always close my eyes during the scary parts. i do the same during sex. i'm not that scared of sex, just when the bill arrives... and there's always a bill. dont be afraid of the dark is the only movie named after something my parents used to tell me. and it will remain the only one until there is a movie called 'shut up, you fat wee bastard!' this movie stars katie holmes and guy pierce. by the way, guy pierce is also the name of a shop where i got my nipple pierced. its filled with terrifying little creatures. katie holmes is perfect for this movie then!'

- shirley manson