a little while a go craig ferguson appeared as a guest on kevin pollak's own talk show, fittingly called 'kevin pollak's chat show'. its a lot of fun to listen to these two guys have a real conversation. since this is a web only show, there is no need to interrupt for commercials, no language censorship, and no particular time constraints either. which means that these two guys get to really dig in and have some thoughtful conversations about anything that they want to talk about. some of the topics craig discusses is how he got his start on 'the late late show', how carson's death surprisingly turned into craig's own late night birth, how he first came to america and eventually became a citizen, and an interesting analogy of how baseball represents the american spirit. kevin does a great job of thinking of good questions to ask and leading the discussion, though he does step on toes a bit in his guiding. its a bit long, but worth watching. check it out here!
craig on kevin pollak's chat show
a little while a go craig ferguson appeared as a guest on kevin pollak's own talk show, fittingly called 'kevin pollak's chat show'. its a lot of fun to listen to these two guys have a real conversation. since this is a web only show, there is no need to interrupt for commercials, no language censorship, and no particular time constraints either. which means that these two guys get to really dig in and have some thoughtful conversations about anything that they want to talk about. some of the topics craig discusses is how he got his start on 'the late late show', how carson's death surprisingly turned into craig's own late night birth, how he first came to america and eventually became a citizen, and an interesting analogy of how baseball represents the american spirit. kevin does a great job of thinking of good questions to ask and leading the discussion, though he does step on toes a bit in his guiding. its a bit long, but worth watching. check it out here!
7-21-10
+ 'its a great day for dogs. it is!', craig ferguson exclaims, 'but not for american dogs. its not a bad day for american dogs, but its a very good day for english dogs, dogs who live in england. in london, which is in england, they opened the first ice cream truck that caters exclusively to dogs! adorable! english dogs are very excited, 'i saw old chap, have you heard about that ice cream truck? may i sniff your bum?'. the dog ice cream truck has a wide variety of flavors: cookies and cat, fire hydrent crunch, and the most popular flavor of all, of course: balls.'+ summer livin' with sean connery
- ted danson (oddly edited interview...)
- kevin pollak
7-20-10
+ 'its a great day for our criminal justice system', craig ferguson declares, 'we finally sent that dangerous scalywag lindsay lohan to jail. that right, our nation is safe again. we've got nothing to worry about now, cept the global warming, the bp oil, and the mel gibsons. we've got nothing to worry about. lindsay started her 90 day jail sentence today. now, i'm not a legal expert, but that doesnt matter because i'm a guy on tv so i can just talk crap about whatever i want. i'm asking you this, i know you are pleased about her going to jail i can tell by your cheering. but is it really necessary? really? maybe a mental hospital, maybe? i'm not kidding. a lot of people take great delight in the fact that a 24 year old woman is going to the pokey, but i dont get that. by the way, 'pokey' is not a double entondre. its just another word for jail. its like 'the big house', or 'the clink', or 'the box'. ok, that one is a double entondre... anyway, lindsey has obviously got a substance abuse problem, and when you have a substance abuse problem its going to lead to something bad, like jail. really, of all the outcomes that are possible with the problems she's got, jail is actually pretty good. you could end up hosting a talk show on cbs in the middle of the night.'* dan riskin host of the new show on animal planet called 'monsters inside me'- he is very, very funny!
geoff peterson 2.0
craig ferguson's sidekick, the robot skeleton geoff peterson, recently got an upgrade from his creator grant imahara. the new and improved version 2.0 was introduced monday on 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. geoff's creator stopped by the show to talk about the changes that had been made: the robot skeleton can now move his mouth better, turn his head smoother, and has more movement in his right arm.craig also announced that geoff peterson would be making an appearance with imahara at the san diego comic con!
7-19-10
+ 'its a great day if you love ice cream!', craig ferguson reminds, 'and who doesnt love ice cream? well, al quida, obviously. 'i cannot abide your ice cream! i hate your ice cream and your puppet regime in pakistan, but mostly ice cream'. july is national ice cream month. its ice cream month, and yesterday was national ice cream day. its a real day, it was started by ronald regan in 1984. its not on a fixed date, it rotates, but usually its the third sunday in july. regan was a genius, you see, he kept the commies guessing about what date the americans would go crazy licking cream covered nuts! anyway, i like my ice cream like i like my sex: alone and in front of the television. actually, i prefer to go out for ice cream, i dont like keeping it in the house because its too tempting when its in the freezer. i can hear it calling 'craig! eat me, i'm delicious!' anyway, heres the thing, yesterday was ice cream day, and july is ice cream month, and today baskin robbins celebrated today by retiring five ice cream flavors. yes, that stopped your inappropriate amount of laughter, didnt it? five baskin robbins flavors- gone! it seems an odd way of celebrating, its like celebrating arbor day by starting a forest fire. when i heard baskin robbins was retiring flavors, i assumed it would be the crap ones, like chocolate lint, or gravel road. they are retiring, get this, french vanilla! ahh! exactly, can they do that? just retire french vanilla just because its old and unpopular with the kids? i mean, whats next?!? i'm not sure what the difference is between vanilla and french vanilla. i think that with french vanilla you have to use your tongue more...'+ grant imahara stops by to introduce the new upgrade to geoff peterson!
who is kelly moore?
as always, craig ferguson did his usual segment where he responds to tweets and emails during his show 'the late late show with craig ferguson'. friday night though, he had on a guest who has seemed to become a regular on his show: kelly moore. who is kelly moore? well, when he first appeared on the show, he was just an audience member. as craig sometimes does, he invited kelly to come up in front of the cameras for the opening bit. they chatted a bit, and while there kelly admitted that he was here with friends against his will. he said that he didnt even like this show and wanted to leave. well, that got craig going and he invited kelly up to join him with answering the twitter and emails! kelly, who seems to be absolutely fearless, went for it and talked with craig and cracked jokes. kellys attitude is honest and blunt, he doesnt bother with lying and telling craig what he might want to hear- which i think is exactly why craig liked him so much! kelly has since been back on the show helping with the twitters and emails twice. he was on the june 4th episode, and the june 25th one as well. if this keeps up geoff peterson might want to watch out, because kelly moore might become craig's next sidekick! (granted, he said he didnt want the job, but you just wait...)welcome to the scottish king website- the unofficial place for all things craig ferguson! (a member of the 'poke it with a stick' blog family). be sure to check out the over 500 episode summaries and other assorted craig related topics!
7-16-10
+ 'there is a big movie opening today that i am very excited about', craig ferguson admits, 'its called 'inception'. finally, a movie about something that hollywood knows better than anyone else: robbing peoples dreams! it stars leonardo di caprio as a guy who invades people's minds as they sleep, which is perfect casting because leo has been in my dreams for years. stealing away my heart with his awesome small beard acting. anyway, people are calling inception a 'thinking man's action movie', thats what they are saying. i dont know what that means, i think it probably means that things get blowed up, but the boobies are just in your mind. well, they are in my mind anyway. the trailer for this movie looks terrific though, everything spinning around, people walking on walls and ceilings. experts are saying that the average person has more than 40 dreams a night. you think you dont have any dreams, but you have about 40 dreams. the most potent dreams usually begin around midnight and end around 2:00 am. perhaps you are dreaming right now! maybe i've entered your dreams! perhaps i am reading your mind at this very moment, i'm simply very bad at it... no, you are not dreaming, dreams have much better lighting than this, this is a nightmare- for both of us! i've always been fascinated by dreams though, i'm a huge fan of carl jung and his theory of the collective unconscience. now, i know what you are thinking: 'oh, here we go again, another late night host banging on about carl jung and the birth of analytical psychology. its almost as bad as that night david letterman had freud do the top ten list' 'top ten sexy presents to buy your mom!' i do like carl jung though, i think he's awesome. freud was jung's arch rival, jung believed everything was mythic, and freud thought everything was sexy, basically. jung and freud, they were kind of like the biggie and tupac of 19th century viennese psychology, except they had more cocaine...'+ access extratainment tonight with barney slash and john tesh cover the late night wars.
+ summer livin' with sean connery
+ kelly moore stops by again to help read the tweets and emails!
7-15-10
+ 'its a great day for the great state of texas', craig ferguson exclaims, 'a rancher in fort worth captured a massive beast. locals are saying he has finally captured the mythical chupacabra. the chupacabra is a hairy beast that stalks the night in texas. he's like chuck norris but less kicky. i'm not sure where chupacobras come from, but then again, i dont know where chimichungas come from either. i just know that they end up haunting my evening. some people think that the chupacabra originated in mexico because all the sightings have been along the southwestern boarder states, except arizona because the chupacabra dont carry papers. 'oh, i bet you dont hassle the yeti because he's white!'. i googled it today, and chupacabra is a spanish word that means 'goat sucker'. it does! it means goat sucker. i can say goat sucker if thats what i really mean! if i say goat sucker and then go 'oooh!', then i would probably mean something else. in this instance, i really mean goat sucker. by the way, 'goat sucker' is the only name mel gibson has not called his ex girlfriend in the last five audio tapes. apparently the chupacabra are called that because they get the blood from the goats, but my question is this: if they suck blood, why arent they in the twilight movies? who will bella choose?!? will she choose the gay vampire, perhaps. or maybe the werewolf who does the crunches? does she choose him or him, or the hairless goat sucker?'- nicolas cage he announces that he is going to do a second ghost rider movie
a little fergy
craig ferguson announced that his wife is pregnant! there is going to be a little fergy on the way! he broke the news over twitter by saying:Holy crackers! Mrs F is pregnant. How did that happen? ...oh yeah I know how. Another Ferguson arrives in 2011. The world trembles.
well, congratulations craig, and may it be a healthy happy baby!
dont forget to follow craig on twitter at craigyferg
7-14-10
+ 'its a great day for our friends the french', craig ferguson shares, 'you know the french people? the stripy shirts, the bagets, the barets. if you see a french guy today, shake his hand. unless he's a mime, then kick him in the nuts. its bastille day. its a huge french holiday, all over france people are running out of their houses into the streets going 'meh.' it reminds me i must bring my french maid costume to the cleaners. it filthy. even when its clean...' + summer livin' with sean connery
7-13-10
+ 'its a great day for the publishing world', criag ferguson informs, 'you know, the guys that make books. oh, get with it grandpa! if you dont know what a book is, its like a really long blog that you print out and then you read on the crapper. but today it was announced that there is going to be a sequel to that book 'the secret'. if you are not familiar with the secret, its a book that came out about four years ago, sold a bazillion copies, and its not much of a secret anymore. but really, its about the power of positive thinking. it was written by an australian reality show producer, because who knows more about the spiritual principles of the universe than an australian reality show producer? 'think positive, mate, and dont let the dingos near your balls!' the secret is basically that the law of attraction governs the universe. so if you think hard enough about what you want to attract, it will come to you. thats kind of the secret. if thats true, then someone very special should be coming to the studio right now... i'm waiting, fabio! he's not here. clearly the secret doesnt work. anyway, the sequel will be called 'the power', and it will be out next month. it means that everyone will be reading it at the beach, you know, while the kids are out making the oil castles. it will probably sell a bazillion copies as well. but i'm thinking if its a self help book, why does it need a sequel? if the original book work, why do you need a second one? thats like your doctor saying 'well, the operation was very successful, i'd like to do it again!'.'+ summer livin' with sean connery
> louie anderson he is still surprisingly funny!
500 episodes!
wow! we sure have been busy here at 'the scottish king'! turns out we have now written 500 episode summaries for 'the late late show with craig ferguson'! what a milestone! some might say that its sad that we've wasted over 500 hours watching this show, but we would say that its been totally worth it! in celebration, be sure to check out all the great summaries and everything else we've written about here! the highlight of the blog is definitely when i got to go and see the show live! be sure to check out all my thoughts here.here's to 500 more!
7-12-10
+ 'its great to be back', craig ferguson shares, 'actually, it seems like the audience is a different class of hobos than what we usually get in here. anyway, its great to be back. i was on vacation last week. on the 4th of july i hosted a boston pops fireworks spectacular, and then i stayed in new england for vacation. it was hot! the whole of the east coast had record heat while i was there, and the west coast had record low temperatures. coincidence? yes. i got into a very bad accident when i was in vermont. i know what your thinking: 'craig, why did you risk your life on the mean streets of vermont? its crazy out there with... things'. anyway, what happened is that i hurt myself on a slide. on something called the bromley mountain alpine slide. i think its full name is the bromley mountain alpine slide of death! what they do in the ski resorts in the summer is there is no snow, so they put these big long fiberglass shoots on the side of the mountain so that in the summer it becomes a slide. its like they transform rockefeller plaza in new york city. in the winter its an ice skating rink, and in the summer its a holding area of jimmy fallon's prostitutes. what? thats right jimmy, the war is back on! no, i'm kidding, jimmy doesnt go with prostitutes. its just a stupid joke, i wish i had never made it, but its out now. its not even a joke, its a flat out lie. sorry. if you've never been on an alpine slide, its like a water slide without the water. well, until my accident, then it became a water slide, if you know what i mean. and if you dont know what i mean, i peed myself...'
craig the nerdist
craig ferguson recently had chris hardwicke on his show. chris is known for many things: his stand-up comedy, hosting g4's 'web soup' show, popping up on 'attack of the show', and writing for wired magazine. he also has a great website called nerdist. one aspect of the website is his weekly podcasts which are recorded live at club largo in california. well, after chris was invited on craig's show, he returned the favor and invited craig to join him for his nerdist podcast!its a very funny show where craig and chris (and a bunch of others) chat about everything from craig's start on 'the late late show', to their love of dr. who! give it a listen here.
7-05-10
+ craig is out with nothing on but his t-shirt and boxers! 'my suit isnt ready. it hasnt come back from the dry cleaners. once a year it goes to the dry cleaners and it hasnt come back yet. eyes up here, mister!'+ 'do you know who's birthday it is today? its the donald's birthday!' craig ferguson celebrates, 'and i dont mean trump, the pompous bastard. i mean the other donald- donald duck! donald duck turns 76 today. so to mark the occasion, legally through an act of congress, today is donald duck day! i think every disney character should have his own day, except goofy. i hate goofy. you know what you did... years ago though, when donald duck started, a cartoon about a talking duck must have seemed like an odd concept. these days youve got your talking sponges who live in pineapples under the sea. which tells us that the drugs are getting better! anyway, it was on this day in 1934 the first donald duck appeared. it was called 'the wise little hen'. i saw a similar movie, it was called 'the sage cock'. it was about a rooster who was very wise. he knew what to do... i think donald duck was in the navy because he wears the sailor shirt and the sailor hat and nothing else. see, when he goes out like that its adorable, but if i go out like that, i get fucking arrested!'
craig hosts the boston pops
as has been the annual tradition, craig ferguson hosted the cbs 4th of july special in boston. he came out and welcomed everyone to an evening of fun. there was the boston pops orchestra playing the traditional patriotic songs, toby keith even played a couple hits, and then there were the amazing fireworks! what a show!
7-02-10
+ 'its the 4th of july weekend everybody- hurray!', exclaims craig ferguson, 'well done america! take that britain! im going to boston, im going to host the boston pops fireworks spectacular tomorrow night right here on cbs! i've done it the last three years, the fireworks spectacular. its a very difficult job, all i have to do is go 'fireworks! hurray!'. july the 4th in boston is nuts, its basically like st. patricks day with explosives! explosives and classical music, youve got cannons and fireworks blowing off to the 1812 overture- its awesome! my hats to whoever came up with the idea to do that: fireworks, music, cannons. 'chaikovsky is cool, but is there a way to make the tubas blow stuff up or something?' last year during the rehearsal they let me test fire the big cannon. it was awesome! you pull a long string to make it go off. its like a giant game of 'pull my finger'! but when i fire one off its usually a bit louder than a cannon. and theres more smoke. and collateral damage... my favorite part of hosting the july 4th show is meeting the brave service men and women of the armed forces. a couple years ago i was at the event back stage talking with the marines and they told me that some guy had tried to dress up like a marine to meet girls and get back stage. so this guy turns up and he has got his fathers marine uniform. so hes stolen this outfit, hes wearing a marine uniform, but the marines are marines, they can see this. this uniform is out of date, this is not right. so they question the guy and find out he is not a marine. but they knew his dad was a marine, so they didnt want to get him in too much trouble, so they just took his uniform off and made him walk home in his underwear!'+ summer livin' with sean connery
+ angela kinsey comes in early to help with the emails and twitters.
- angela kinsey7-01-10
+ 'its a great day here in hollywood', craig ferguson shares, 'because the twilight: eclipse movie has been out for two days and it has already made one gazillion dollars. a lot of that money is from me because i've already seen it 20 times. i'm kidding, i havent seen it yet, i dont know what happens. anyway, seems like the twilight fever is everywhere, theres the t-shirts, the posters, the magazines. everywhere i look i see a pale twink covered in hair gel. then i leave the house and it gets even worse! here in l.a. thousands of teens camped out to get tickets to see the movie. i drove by a theater last night and i thought it was a justin bieber concert. then i found out the truth after waiting in line for five hours! i felt such a fool! call me old fashioned, but i think vampires and werewolves should be terrifying. i've said this before, and i think they should have transylvanian accents. thats a vampire! they shouldnt sound like some guy from the food court! 'dude, i'm a vampire, and i want to suck your blood. but only if its not fat soy'. a real vampire doesnt care about your feelings, he just wants to suck your blood just because he can! bela lugosi was the first dracula in film and we had the right look. i watched a documentary about bela lugosi last night. thats right, young people! while you were at the movies watching modern vampires and reveling in your youth, i was at home watching a black and white documentary about vampires and lathering myself in ben-gay, and picking lint off my walker balls. call me chuck norris!'= alicia witt singing
6-30-10
+ again mixing things up a bit, craig wears a t-shirt instead of a shirt and tie. this time the t-shirt is black. ooh!+ 'the big news today all across the country', craig ferguson informs, 'the teen age girls are weeping, the chat rooms are all cockahoop, they are all talking about the undead. you know, the sexy vampire. of course, they are talking about larry king. last night larry king because last night larry announced that he is calling it quits. its awful, this. larry king is a walking treasure, well a shuffling treasure, but a treasure none the less. in my eyes larry king really is a king. but then again, i also think wolf blitzer is a wolf! i also think dr. phil is a doctor. not really. now, larry may be leaving cnn which is bad news, but lets keep this in perspective: thats not the worst of it, america isnt just loosing a broadcaster, but i am loosing one of the few people i do an impression of! its not a good impression, i admit, but i do it. i make fun of larry, but lets be clear of this: its out of respect. i love larry king. his record speaks for itself, hes won every broadcasting award known to man, he's written over a dozen books, he's read almost half of them...'
+ summer livin' with sean connery
6-29-10
+ craig bypasses the old shirt and tie and just wears a white t-shirt. way to mix it up, craig!+ 'its a great day for america, and a great day for the leader of the free world', craig ferguson announces, 'of course, i'm talking about oprah winfrey. she was named today the number one most powerful celebrity in the world by forbes magazine. now, a magazine is a kind of papery blog thing. its a kind of papery thing that people used to read. its like a very slow website. its a sort of kind of foldy aol. anyway, id like to thank forbes for coming up with a list like this, cause if it wasnt these lists id have to talk about my cleavage or something. id have to talk about real news issues, and i cant. im just too pritty for that. what i'm saying is that i dont give a rats ass about the most powerful celebrity in the world. oprah is number one. you know who is number four on the list? lady gaga. apparently lady gaga is the fourth most powerful celebrity in the world. how is that even possible? people say she's the new madonna. do we really need a new madonna, whats wrong with the old one? you know that tiger woods is number five on this list. he was between lady gaga and britney spears... he wasnt on the list, it was in a hotel room in new jersey. i'll be honest with you, i dont even understand forbes list. can these celebrities bend steel? can they melt things with their heat vision? cause that is my definition of power. a celebrity is only powerful if you allow them to be powerful. like if mick jager came in here right now, he's a powerful celebrity right? if he came in here right now and said 'craig, stand over there'. i'd be like 'no'. and he would be like 'um, my power is waining!' even if oprah, the most powerful celebrity in the world, if she said 'buy this book', and you buy it, she is powerful. if she says 'buy this book' and you said 'no' then shes powerless. dont tell her i said that... i dont understand this list in this magazine, forbes magazine is supposed to be about investing. their 'most powerful' list is a misuse of the word 'power'. and if they cant understand the word power, then possibly they dont understand the word 'honest', which makes them a perfect magazine for people who invest and work on wall street!'
6-28-10
+ 'i just got back from the bahamas!', craig ferguson shares, 'now why was i in the bahamas? well, ill tell you audience. well, if you turn in in august during a certain week that is dedicated to ocean predators which is broadcast on another network, which i'm not supposed to say, but it rhymes with bliscovery channel... i was doing a show for shark week on the discovery channel and it was awesome!!! i went scuba diving with sharks, and not tame sharks, wild sharks from sharklvania! and sadly for cbs i made it back in one piece. it was a life changing experience though, these sharks are beautiful, these gorgeous underwater creatures. i feel so glad and privileged that i got to see it and i never have to see it ever again. sharks are beautiful animals, but they dont need me going over to try and make them laugh. much like this audience... i went down to steward cove, where they were set up, theres a diver who is going to take me down, to look for this guy name chang chen. so i'm looking and i see a guy who might be named chang chen, you know what i'm saying, and so i go over to chang and i go 'are you chang chen?' and he goes 'yeah, gooday mate, how you doin?' i'm like 'oh, i didnt think you would be australian', and he went 'yeah well, my family isnt originally from australia, mate'. we go out in the boat, and just as we are about to jump into shark infested waters, changs got all the chain male on and stuff, and he's like 'its a strange job, mate, but somebody's got to do it!' and i'm like 'no actually, nobody's got to do it'. and he said 'no, you got to do it, but lets do it! aah!'+ summer livin' with sean connery
- howie mandel he gets so excited he spilled his drink!
6-25-10
+ 'its a great day for the movies', craig ferguson celebrates, 'a very big movie opening that i am very excited about, its called 'knight and day', with tom cruise. listen, i know its my job as a late night host to make fun of tom cruise. but i 'm not going to do it anymore. not anymore because i've seen the trailer for this movie and it looks fantastic. its a good old fashioned popcorn movie with explosions and tom cruise and cameron diaz and stuff gets blown up while a pretty girl screams all the time. i dont know what cameron diaz does in the movie, but... see, thats just the kind of joke i'm not going to be doing! i'm not. i like tim cruise, i think he's awesome. i've changed my mind. a lot of people criticize him because they are jealous. like people criticize me, not because they are jealous, but because they have seen this show. but its the same thing. i know what you are thinking: 'well wait, craig, tom cruise is crazy!' no he is not. he is nuts! he is absolutely bonkers. that is different. he's a movie star, thats the way movie stars have to be: crazy! he gets a lot of flack for the things he says, but so what? id take that over some manufactured puppet who says whatever the studio wants him to say... cbs cares.'+ kelly moore is back to help criag read the tweets and emails
- tim meadows as a guest instead of appearing in a bit for the show!
6-24-10
+ 'theres a new cop show on abc', craig ferguson says, 'its just premiered, its called 'rookie blue'. its in the same time slot as grey's anatomy. and it sounds a bit like grey's anatomy. all the cops are young and gorgeous and sensitive, but they are cops not doctors. they are gorgeous cops is what i'm saying. you know when you get that feeling when you see something right away and you know you are going to love it? that doesnt apply for me here. why doesnt somebody make a throwback cop show? when a bad guy gets punched in their face, and no good looking people talk about their damn feelings! 'you are a criminal and i'm going to have to arrest you, and that makes me feel bad'. everybody is talking about their feelings, cops are talking about their feelings, vampires are talking about their feelings. i'll tell you, if there was a tv show about al quida, they would be talking about their feelings! 'when you declare a war on terror, it makes me feel like you are not listening'. i'm more into the csi. the csi: miami, csi: new york. all the csi's. theres nothing i like more than coming home and getting comfortable in the living room and watching the csi. you know, the dim lighting, the dead bodies, the dried bodily fluids everywhere. then i turn on the tv... thats right, i am a serial killer everybody!'* james dyson the man with 'the proper amount of suction!'
spaghetti attack!
in the spirit of frendly competition, craig ferguson has been talking back and forth with jimmy fallon on his show on nbc! it all started when craig took out his big mickey mouse glove and waved over to jimmy fallon and asked him to wave back. well, jimmy complied and then send something over craigs way. jimmy, through silly tv magic, shot spaghetti out of his eyes and sent it over to craig, and just at that very moment, if you turned the channel over to cbs, the spaghetti went into craigs eyes!over on craig's show he stopped mid monologue and stated 'something happening to my eyes! i just got spaghetti in my eyes! delicious spaghetti! wait a minute, i know that taste! thats jimmy fallon's spaghetti!' its really cool to see these two professionals, who are in competition for ratings, having some fun together! who knows, maybe this might lead to craig being on jimmy's show and jimmy being on craigs- now that would be pretty amazing!
everybody wins!
craig ferguson once agian makes the news! this time its an article in entertainment weekly about the late late night wars. they interview craig and jimmy fallon about the friendly competition they have with each other. both of them speak there mind about not wanting a repeat of the late night wars between dave and jay. instead, they are keeping things friendly, in fact, they are going so far as being playful with each other. on more than one occasion they have talked back and forth to each other on their shows! to hear the kind words and level headed sense of competition between the two of them, read the article here!
6-23-10
+ 'starting today there is a huge rock festival in england', craig ferguson informs us, 'its called glastenbury, its the biggest outdoor music festival in the world. its five days of peace and love and ten dollar beers. they do it every year, its like woodstock with less nudity. its like woodstock with out wood is what it is. its huge, and every country has them now, england has glastenbury, here in america we have lolapalooza and coachella, in north korea they have the kim jung il-ith fair, in afganistan they have al quida- palooza. 'ladies and gentlemen, give it up for kenny g.haad!' you know theres some great bands at glastenbury this year, the gorillas are playing the main stage, the pet shop boys are in the smaller stage, and george michael will be hanging out by the restrooms. he's playing duets, though he might be playing solo. you know who was supposed to play glastenbury this year was u2 but they had to cancel because bono hurt his back. i think its because he carries the weight of the world on his tiny little leprechan sholders. its true, bono is in fact part leprichan! yes, 'hi didly hoe, i still havent found what i'm looking for, i still havent found my magic pot o' gold!'+he got spaghetti in his eyes!
-> jose andres
summer livin' with sean connery
craig ferguson is at it again! one of his best impressions is that of fellow scotsman sean connery. craig will often don the beard to voice connery in many different situations, from remembering different events to ordering at ihop! this time craig adds a segment of sean connery dispensing his 'wisdom' while lounging on the beach in a hawaiian shirt. 'its amazing to think that waves traveled thousands and thousands of miles through the ocean just to crash at my feet. you know what else is amazing to think about? asian hookers.'
6-22-10
+ 'its day 2 of wimbledon, and day 2 of me not giving a crap', craig ferguson admits, 'theres so much sports going on between wimbledon and the world cup, it seems like there is something for everyone to not care about. i'm not keen on tennis, except of course the u.s. open this fall on cds, i love that! cbs cares. i dont like any sport you can play while you wear a sweater around your shoulders. i've said this before, tennis is just waiving with equipment... if you win wimbledon its considered a big deal. they give two prizes, one for the men and one for the women. the men get a trophy and the women gets a plate? thats a bit sexist. 'congratulations, youve just won wimbledon, now use that plate and rustle up us some sandwiches.' + summer livin' with sean connery
+ an apology from syd the cussing rabit
- valerie bertinelli for some reason she wants to take a drink out of craig's mug, but ends up spitting it out all over the place!
- jerry ferrara
syd the cussing rabbit
'i'm here to apologize', craig ferguson shares, 'apparently there has been a rabbit here the past few nights, a rabbit from north london, and he's been cussing. it has upset a great many people, and people have been writing in... well, theres one guy who's been writing in because the rabbit, hes not a robot, hes a puppet, but still people get upset because he cusses. and i'm like 'oh, give it a fucking rest', but people are like 'no, no, you must not have the rabbit cussing, that wrong. and there's too much cussing on this show'. and i'm like 'i know, there is.' so i'm here to apologize, i'm sorry about all the cussing on the show. and i would like to remind you that it is america, we do have other channels, and do you have fucking alternatives, so... although, cbs doesnt agree with me on that. so we have come to an understanding with cbs. they said knock it off with the cussing, and i've said 'you bet!'. so, thats it, no more cussing on this show. by me or rabbits... nope, cant fucking do it! i cant fucking do it!'
6-21-10
+ 'its summer solstice today', craig ferguson informs, 'thats right, today is the longest day of the year and also the shortest night. coincidence? even although its the shortest night of the year and you are watching this show, i'll lengthen it for you, it will feel longer. i know its short but it will feel longer once i get started... i've said that before... here in l.a. we are celebrating summer solstice by having a parade for the world champion l.a. lakers. the laker parade has a lot in common with the traditional pagan ceremony from the solstice. there will be drinking, and dancing, and sacrificing the virgins by throwing them into the mouth of our pagan god: jack nickelson. you know whats always involved with summer solstice? stonehenge. experts say stonehenge might have been a huge prehistoric calender. because today the heal stone aligns with the rays of the sun. and the druids carved sexy firemen into each of the twelve ring stones. other people say stonehenge was built to attract ufo's. which, if its true, is possibly the reason aliens have never come back. if you are aliens and you travel over millions of miles of galaxy, you travel through space, you arent going to be that impressed by stonehenge, are you? 'we have a space ship powered by anti matter, what do you have?' 'well, we've got this lovely henge. look at that, a lovely circle of stones all standing up-ooh!' 'lets get out of here, these people are morons!'.'- maria bello
- d j qualls
6-18-10
+ 'do you know what i am excited about?' craig ferguson asks, 'toy story 3 opens today. its not a sequel, its a threequel. threequels are usually not as good as the originals, you know, godfather 3, jaws 3. there are exceptions though, busty cops 3! busty cops 3: cops in space. anyway, its toy story 3. all the old favorites are back, buzz and woody, its a great combination. you have to strike the right balance though, too much buzz and you cant get woody. i'm glad the movie is only two hours long though, cause if you have a woody for more than four hours you have to call a doctor. cbs cares. mr. potato head is back too. you know, when i was a kid i had a mr. potato head that was actually a potato. we were poor. i got it for christmas, i was like to my mother 'why did santa leave me a potato?' my mom was like 'its mr. potato head! he's sleeping!' one day i went to play with my mr. potato, and i saw my dad eating fries. 'its what he would have wanted son, sad but delicious'. 'well, i'll just go check on my goldfish!' 'dont bother...'.'6-17-10
+ 'if you are like me and you enjoy the harry potter', craig ferguson tells us, 'and who doesnt? just a few hours from now, in orlando florida, the wizarding world of harry potter opens. its a theme park devoted to my favorite gay wizard. i shouldnt actually say he's gay, hes not gay, but some people say he is because he always has a wand in in hand. hey, if that makes you gay, then sign me up for the parade, mister! actually, i think you better... you know who doesnt like harry potter? al quida! thats right, they prefer twilight probably. 'i identify with bella, i am torn between edward and jacob!'. there is a rivalry between the harry potter fans and the twilight fans. the twilight fans think they are much cooler than the harry potter fans. i dont know why, they would all get their ass kicked by the dr. who fans! thats right, i win! i am a who-zer! now that we have the harry potter theme park, maybe we will get a twilight theme park! there will be some great rides in that: vampires of the caribbean, mr. wolf's wild abs, suck mountain...'6-16-10
+ 'it is a great day for one of my favorite americans', craig ferguson shares, 'sarah palin is speaking out about the oil spill. she said, i am not kidding... god bless that woman, i really mean it! she said we should ask the dutch for help with spill because the dutch have the best dykes. let me get this straight, its ok to cover lesbians in oil, we just cant let them get married? is that what we are saying? which, by the way, you had me at 'lesbians covered in oil'. everybody is talking about the presidents big speech last night. the reaction is mixed. 10% of america wondered 'why would they delay craig ferguson for this?', and 90% of the country is like 'who the hell is craig ferguson?' alright, its more like 98 and 2%. anyway, obama said we need a new energy strategy, one with more alternatives like solar power. i agree, but lets not forget about lunar power. remember, the moon is what gives power to werewolves. and we can study them, i got dibs on that little twink from twilight! we really should take advantage of things we have an endless supply of, like the wind, or the sun, or the kardashians. now, i know the president was trying to take the long view, but talking about solar energy in the middle of the oil spill is like watching your house being engulfed in flames and saying 'you know, we really should change the curtains'. its not the time is what i'm saying. anyway, at this point its not really an oil spill anymore. a spill is an accident that can be cleaned up. calling this a spill is like calling world war II a tif. its a fucking disaster! sometimes only a cuss word will do.'6-15-10
+ 'listen, i'm sorry the show is on later than usual tonight', craig apologizes, 'we were delayed by the president's speech about the golf oil spill. obama has been criticized for not doing enough, but to be fair, he has been using every strategy on the book. unfortunately, its the same book that president bush used for katrina. chapter 1: sit on your ass for a couple weeks. chapter 2: go on vacation. i have refrained from discussing the oil spill, cause honestly i couldnt think of anything funny to say about it. then i realized, that doesnt stop me from anything else. the spill is awful though, its nearly impossible to be contained. this makes the exxon valdez look like a leaky juice box, this thing. theres almost two million barrels already steeped into the gulf of mexico. i'll give you an idea of how much oil that is: its enough oil to drive charlie sheen's mercedes off a cliff for three months! you know its a real catastrophe when the biggest hope of getting something done is kevin costner. i'm not kidding, kevin costner has spent millions of his own money to develop a water cleaning system. what this system does is takes the oil tainted water and then it spins in around and pops it out clean water out the other end. now, to be fair, i have made jokes about kevin costner. well, i didnt, geoff did... anyway, no more jokes about kevin costner on this show, if he cleans out the gulf of mexico, then he can dance with my wolf, he can water my world, he can tin my cup, he can bull my durham...'- ice cube
* stan lee
6-14-10
+ 'its a great day for america', craig ferguson reminds us, 'many reasons why, one reason is that we are not england. which is always good. but its not a great day for one english man in particular, robert greene, who is the english goalie who let the americans score an easy goal in the world cup game on saturday. it must be very difficult for greene, i understand. i still think whistfully about the balls that slipped through my hands. because its not the balls you grab that you are remembered for, its the balls that you let go. so, with that in mind, call me lady gaga. i feel bad for this goalie, but there is a silver lining. he is english and he messed up so badly he was just offered a job at bp! ha ha! take that bp! thats right, in the offices of bp now they are going 'oh no, the scottish guy lightly slapped us. we can take all sorts of strict talking to's from the president, but once that late night douche bag goes after us we are in big trouble now!'.'+ talk about the world cup with referee betty whitecraig to host shark week!
'hello everyone, my name is brian' says the shark puppet, 'i've got some very exciting news, as you may or may not know, the discovery channel, an exellent channel, much better than cbs, it features lot of animals eating other animals, kind of my thing! well, the discovery channel is 25 years old this week. yes, i know. but i love the discovery channel because every year they have something called 'shark week'. and shark week is just the kind of programing i enjoy. it has lots of sharks. well, the good news is that shark week this year will be hosted by craig ferguson! 'but wait!' i hear you say in your puny human voices, 'wait, wait brian! wait! surely craig ferguson works on cbs, how could he be involved in the discovery channel? its a completely different company!' yes, well lawyers figured it out! they are the real sharks, am i right ladies and gentlemen? ha ha ha! anyway, here's the deal. craig ferguson is going to be hosting shark week, he has to go to the bahamas and dive with sharks. and this is where i come in. i call on all the sharks on all the ocean beds and other parts of the ocean, all across the world. the bull sharks in australia, the great whites in san francisco, the tigers the hammerheads, the white tip reef sharks, the cambian reef sharks, the other reef sharks, all the sharks, and the baracuda, which is not a shark, but is still quite scary. i call on all of them to meet me in the bahamas. lets eat this douche bag, once and for all! ha ha! then finally we can get kilborne back!'
6-11-10
+ 'its friday, and its a great day for the world! for the entire world!', shares craig ferguson, 'because the world cup starts today! and on behalf of all americans let me say: meh. here in the united states, soccer's popularity ranks somewhere between jon gosslin and people who give out rasiens for halloween. dont get me wrong, we americans know that the world cup is a big deal in other countries. but this is a big weekend here in america too because the tony awards are on sunday... now, the tony awards and the world cup are very different, of course, one of them is a celebration of barely conceiled gayness, and the other is the tony awards. the rest of the world, though, is nuts for soccer. its estimated that one billion people will watch the world cup. to give you an idea of how many people that is, take the audience of this show, and add one billion! you get one billion people.'- denis leary he even got to join criag in playing with the puppets!
6-10-10
+ 'researchers still dont know the purpose of sleep', craig ferguson says, 'its one of life's great mysteries. like why do men have nipples? i know why... i have to admit i dont get much sleep lately. not with the new twilight movie coming out. i'm like 'will bella choose edward or jacob? i dont know what i just said... i never really appreciated sleep until i had a little one in the house- boy that midget keeps me up at night! no, i'm talking about when you have a baby in the house. sleep researchers say that when you have a baby you loose 700 hours of sleep in the first year. but its worth it when they get big enough to do the yard work. which is usually about six months... according to research, older people need less sleep. i dont know why. i think its because you dont need a lot of energy to play bingo. do you know that americans spend 600 million dollars a year on sleep aids. and by that i mean pills. i am a little nervous taking pills, and coming from me, thats a big thing to say! i dont take pills, except for the pills that are advertised on cbs- they are awesome! and in no way habit forming... the sleep aid i use most is usually something along the lines of self massage. cbs doesnt advertise any products for that, unless you count the sham-wow, of course. i tried counting sheep at night but that doesnt work- i get too turned on! their little hooves, their come hither fleece, the way the taunt me whispering in my ear saying 'craig, youve been very baaaad'. back in my drinking days it was easy to get to sleep, you knock back a couple bottles of vodka and right to sleep. i never had a problem with the bed wetting because, for the most part, i enjoyed it. wake up to a little pond. the vodka really did the trick for me, i'd sleep like a log. sometimes id wake up in one of those too...'+ jim parsons stops by to help with tweets and emails
-> wolfgang puck craig even wears safty goggles?
6-09-10
+ sorry folks, due to a game running late my dvr didnt record this episode. i'm sure it was amazing though. as an apology for missing this episode, i will include this completly random picture of craig ferguson wearing a crazy wig and jacket. enjoy!
6-08-10
+ 'you know what happened earlier tonight?' craig ferguson asks, 'the glee finale was on earlier tonight. if you dont know about glee, all i have to say is where have you been, mister? its about the high school kids in the glee club. its on the fox network, which is strange, cause fox is the home of glee, and fox news is the home of people who dont like people who watch glee. strange. glee, its a terrific show, its won many awards including the hugely prestigious peabody award. now, only the cream of broadcast television are even considered for the peabody award. i'm kidding- i've got one! i stole it from jon stewart! when the fox executives first saw glee they said the knew they had a hit. just like when the cbs executives first saw this show they knew they had something that rhymed with hit... fox has just announced that they are putting on an episode of glee right after the super bowl next year. i'm like 'wha?!?' its like an antidote for testosterone! 'you just won the super bowl, what are you going to do?' 'i'm going to dance, mister!' i have a confession to make: i've never seen glee. i've never seen it, i've heard its fantastic, but i've never seen it at all. i'm not just saying i havent seen it in a desperate attempt to appear heterosexual, i really havent seen it. it wasnt made for me though, i'm a 48 year old man. if i start watching glee i'll get a visit from that guy from 'to catch a predator'.'6-07-10
+ ooh! craig ferguson is wearing sneakers! 'all my important communications these days are done electronically. i do everything, you know, contracts, meetings, penis enlargement opportunities... everything in paper is dying out, including newspapers. this is great for the environment, but alarming for some people, and by some people, i mean hobos. what will they use for blankets if there are no newspapers? anyway, ive got an ipad. its like an iphone, but its like the large print version of an iphone. it is! its like an iphone for old people. i've got it, its gota bigger screen, and bigger buttons, theres an app to help you find the closes early bird special. you can download something called iprunes. you know what the ipad is perfect for? navigation, cause you can use it in cars. cause watching the road is boring. it is! road, road, road, turn, more road, more turning, pedestrians, other cars. boring! i was in vegas this weekend and on the ride back i read an entire book on my ipad. it was a very short book, it was by mel gibson. it was called 'my jewish friends'. no no, it was another short book: the amish tv guide. it was 'the art of british cooking', it was larry king's guide to a happy marriage.'
6-07-10
+ ooh! craig ferguson is wearing sneakers! 'all my important communications these days are done electronically. i do everything, you know, contracts, meetings, penis enlargement opportunities... everything in paper is dying out, including newspapers. this is great for the environment, but alarming for some people, and by some people, i mean hobos. what will they use for blankets if there are no newspapers? anyway, ive got an ipad. its like an iphone, but its like the large print version of an iphone. it is! its like an iphone for old people. i've got it, its gota bigger screen, and bigger buttons, theres an app to help you find the closes early bird special. you can download something called iprunes. you know what the ipad is perfect for? navigation, cause you can use it in cars. cause watching the road is boring. it is! road, road, road, turn, more road, more turning, pedestrians, other cars. boring! i was in vegas this weekend and on the ride back i read an entire book on my ipad. it was a very short book, it was by mel gibson. it was called 'my jewish friends'. no no, it was another short book: the amish tv guide. it was 'the art of british cooking', it was larry king's guide to a happy marriage.'
- eric idle
- terry crews
6-04-10
+ 'today, of course, is national donut day!' craig ferguson reminds us, 'national donut day is always the first friday in june. its perfect! as everyone is trying to get in shape for bikini season its donut day! looks like another one piece for the summer for me. to celebrate national donut day, this is true, dunkin donuts is giving away free donuts! the vagrants from around los angeles who make up our audience are like 'oh, free donuts? why are we sitting here?' the good news is, there is a dunkin donuts right around the corner from cbs. the bad news is that drew carrey had already been there... dunkin donuts is planning to build 15,000 new stores! they are expanding faster then their customers! anyway, i like donuts. when i was a younger man i had a faster metabolism and i ate a lot of donuts. but whenever i ate powdered donuts the powder would get all over my face and it would look like i had been doing tons of cocaine. now, strangely enough, the same thing used to happen when i did tons of cocaine! people would say 'woah craig, you are a bit speedy, have you had a lot of donuts?' i'd be like 'yeah, i've been eating donuts all day!'.+ email and tweets with kelly moore, a guy from the audience who craig talked with in the opening.
+ espn uk with sir ben kingsly
+ gardening tips with willie nelson
- jennifer tilly
^ magician ed alonzo
6-03-10
+ 'its great news today, if you are in to mark twain', craig ferguson shares, 'because publishers today announced that volume one of mark twain's autobiography is coming out this fall. its more than a century since he wrote it, i'm not sure if his references will make sense to modern audiences, for instance: one of twain's first jobs was writing for something called a 'newspaper'. which is kind of like a blog, but more papery. mark twain was considered the greatest humorist of his age, but thats only because he didnt live at the same time at carrot top. clearly. mark twain is responsible for a number of famous quotes. he said 'i have never let my schooling interfere with my education'. i wish i could say something like that. my most famous quote is 'i think i broke the toilet again'. people are excited about this autobiography though, because mark twain gave explicit instructions in his will, that it couldnt be published until 100 years after his death. because apparently he attacks people in the book. he 'disses' them, as the young folks say. he wanted to make sure they werent alive, so he wouldnt hurt anyones feelings. 100 years? thats a bit excessive. what, were some of his enemies babies or something? 'aw, babies! you make me so angry! why you babies with your crying and pooping your little diapers, why you make me more angry then i could ever be!' by the way, that is an amazing mark twain impression... 'why, those little babies, they make me so angry i could put on my hat!' anyway, my hats off to mark twain for writing down what he thought and then sticking to it. so what if it offends people? i say do it! now a days nobody sticks to anything, too many people get mad and they say stuff then people get mad and say 'we dont like that!' and they apologize 'oh, it was my parents! now i need to go to rehab, obviously, i didnt mean to say stuff that you disagree with!'. 'oh those babies, they make me so mad!' it makes me laugh the idea of mark twain getting angry at babies! 'oh i'm so angry at babies, i'm trying to write a book and they keep crying and yelling!' man, this is the stupidest stuff i've come up with in years!'^ magician jamy ian swiss
6-02-10
+ 'its a great day in italy', craig ferguson shares, 'why? because today, june 2nd, is the big national holiday over there. its italian republic day. the italian people are running through the streets yelling, waving their arms. then they remembered it is a holiday. italians are known, of course for talking with their hands. scottish people also communicate with their hands. for example, if a scottish person is upset they will use their hands, make a fist, and punch you in the face! now, i grew up in glasgow, a scottish town, which has a huge italian population. thats true. i'll never understand why italian people moved to glasgow, but i'm glad they did because a lot of them opened up italian restaurants. this is good because food in scotland is crap! its true, 'oh, how many ways can you make potatoes interesting?' the food in scotland isnt that good, its no secret, except the food in the italian restaurants. i love italian food! or, as they call it in italy: 'food'. the most famous italian food is, of course, is pizza. which actually goes back to roman times. a lot of roman culture is still with us today, we eat pizza, we use roman numerals, we light roman candles, we hide our daughters from roman polanski...'- evangeline lilly
- charlyne yi
^ magician laraf
5-28-10
+ ''prince of persia: the sands of time' comes out today', shares craig ferguson, 'prince of persia is from a long line of sword and sandle movies. one of the best ever was 'ben-hur' movie with charlton heston. it has an increadible chariot race in that movie. a scene which still holds its best against all the cgi stuff today, it still stands up against it. it doesnt really, but there are a lot of old people who watch cbs... anyway, prince of persia stars jake gyllenhaal. he conquers the kingdom using the power of his magical dagger, and the power of his magical puppy dog eyes. he's a great actor, i'm actually not sure i buy him as a prince from sixth century persia. he's quite modern looking, he looks like a dude who's ears are designed for an ipod. and his name doesnt exactly speak 'action hero' does it? eastman, connery, stallone. these are big action stars. the name gyllenhaal sounds like a home furnishing store. kinda does, doesnt it? '20 % off matresses at gyllenhaal's!'.'- shirley manson
> jeffrey ross
= the national
5-27-10
+ 'you know, there is a big movie opening today', craig ferguson shares, 'movies usually open on a friday, but this movie is so fabulous that it had to come out on a thursday. its called 'sex and the city 2: the legend of curly's gold' it opens today. thats what its called! these movies are very popular with women and gay men. they should just call this movie 'line up, gays'. actually, thats another movie i've seen... the movie opened at midnight last night. people were lined up at the theater dressed as their favorite sex and the city character. and when i say people, i mean me. i was samantha! i was, i wore a very expensive dress. lets just say i put the 'wang' in vera wang! i was waiting in line for the movie, but i couldnt get a ticket for the movie, it was sold out. so i walked down to santa monica blvd, made a couple bucks, and got a ride from eddie murphy!'5-26-10
+ 'happy birthday today to an american icon, john wayne'. craig ferguson shares, 'john wayne was born on this day in 1907. thats a movie star! growing up, john wayne was one of the first images of america. we were like 'oh, these movies, they've got john wayne, and cowboys, and food that is not potatoes!' 'what are you talking about? food that is not potatoes? thats a pipe dream, boy!' john wayne passed away 30 years ago. he's still iconic though, it reassures me to know that if john wayne were here right now he would be 103. but hed still be able to punch me in the face and call me a sissy. his real name was marion morrison. did you know that? thats why he's such a tough guy. its like the jonny cash thing, 'a boy named sue'. a father names his son sue so it will make him grow up big and strong then they can go 'kickin and a gougin and the mud and the blood and the beer'! it is a fact, its a proven medical fact. if your son has a girly name he will be tough. if you name him marion or lady gaga he will grow up to be tough. john wayne though, is the ultimate tough guy, he's like a cross between russell crowe and who is that other tough guy? oh, thats right, madonna.'5-25-10
+ 'its geek pride day today, happy geek pride day, everybody!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'its a real day, geek pride day. everyone is encouraged to embrace their inner geek. geek pride day is kind of like gay pride day but with no sex! so actually, its nothing like gay pride day. i consider myself to be a geek because i'm into the technology and the science fiction. i enjoy playing my hand held gaming device, know what i mean? my joystick, my wii controller... i'm talking about masturbation is what i'm saying. the word geek used to be a label that people were ashamed of, now people embrace it. its like being called an outlaw, or a kardashian. people are ok with it now. in carnivals 'the geek' was the name of the guy who entertained the crowd by biting off the heads of chickens. i know, i'm appalled too. now a days we call these people warm up comedians. i looked up the word 'geek' today, and its defined as 'a peculiar person who is overly obsessed with one or more things usually including the electronics or the arts. which is definitely me. yes it is, everyone knows my obsessions with jazz hands- thats the arts!'+ style tips with tim gunn 80's edition
5-24-10
+ 'we had a great weekend, me and geoff', craig ferguson confesses, 'we went to vegas. we had a great weekend we were traveling. while we were gone there was a huge art theft in paris. coincidence? yes, because we actually were in vegas. but somebody broke into the paris museum of modern art. they stole more than 100 million bucks worth of art. anyway, the crooks got away with three certified masterpieces. pastorale, which is matisse's famous nude, they also took matisse's other masterpiece 'dogs playing poker', and the other 'nude's playing poker'. apparently in france what happened is the security guard discovered the theft when he saw a whole cut in the window pane. museum officials are now saying there was a malfunction in the security system. i'm thinking 'yes...' the real problem with the security system is that the guards are french- the can be distracted with unfiltered cigarettes and a trail of stinky cheese! after examining the evidence, the french police have asked interpol for help. i think they should bring in david coruso from csi: miami. 'looks like someone's trying to get monette for nothing'. wait wait wait, i've got another one: 'the theives were driving a van, where did the van gogh?' the french police say that the hiest was the work of sophisiticated thieves because they didnt take anything by rothko. ha ha ha! you are welcome the 10 people in america who got that joke!'= mishka
> craig shoemaker. a bit too angry...
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