3-05-12

+ 'its a great day for vladimir putin', craig ferguson states, 'who won yesterdays russian presidential election, he received a whopping 325% of the vote.  the big story though, is that during his victory speech he cried!  ha ha ha!  he cried!  old hard ass putin cried!  ruthless autocrats have feelings too, i guess.  anyway, a lot of russians think the election was fixed, and i'm not surprised.  you've got to fix the elections in russia, its too cold to go outside and vote.  i dont know why its called 'fixing' the election, that implies that an honest election is broken.  its the same thing when you go 'fixing' your pets, their genitals were working perfectly fine before you 'repaired' them.  i'm talking to you, bob barker!  anyway, fixing the russian elections has been going on forever.  i believe it was lovable russian dictator old uncle joe stalin who said 'its not who votes that counts, its who counts the votes!'  the aftermath of the russian election makes you really appreciate our election process here in america.  we all know that when we cast our votes in a few months they will be counted fairly and in the end this country will have a new american idol!  who we can all forget in about two weeks...'
- courteney cox
> louie anderson