+ 'i'm feeling a little woozy. you know why?' craig ferguson asks, 'because i've got oscar fever! there's only one cure for oscar fever, and thats stripping naked and singing 'there's no business like show business!' the oscars are on sunday night. this town needs the oscars, its the one time all year that hollywood stars can stop being humble and pat themselves on the back... i dont give a rats ass about the oscars, everyone here goes cockahoop though. if you are in town this weekend, good luck finding a botox shop open! during the oscars all the streets are empty, the whole town shuts down, people are locked in their houses and its deathly quiet. the only other time that happens in l.a. is during a light rain shower. 'its coming right for us!' this year's oscars will definitely better than last year because billy crystal is back. thank goodness billy is back! we love you billy! everyone is happy that billy crystal is back, even people who dont like the oscars. al quida is happy that billy crystal is back! they released a new tape and said 'i hated james franco, i am so glad billy is back! its like james franco didnt even want to be there. oh, by the way, death to america.' i dont have a dog in this oscar fight, i dont care who wins or looses. i dont think we should judge actors on how well they pretend to be someone else, we should judge them on things that are important, like their clothes and their sex tapes.'
+ a glorious return of the rather late programme with prince charles
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john waters
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jennifer carpenter
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