7-13-11

+ 'its a great day if you like the roller coasters', craig ferguson shares, 'cause today the worlds steepest roller coaster opens in japan. the roller coaster goes 80 miles an hour and flips upside down seven times! its like car pooling with mel gibson- its crazy! the real kicker is that the new roller coaster has a drop so steep that they say its 'beyond vertical'. now i know what you are thinking, your thinking 'craig, there is no such thing as beyond vertical', and i'm like 'shut up, physicists!' its called the takabetha, which i think is japanese for 'number one pants pooper'. i look forward to your letters... historians say that the first roller coaster was built in 1784 in st. petersburg in russia, it was built for the amusement of catherine the great. you know, for most of the 1800's, roller coasters were called 'russian mountains', which is the name i used to dance under! even when the ride came to a stop, the screaming didnt! thats quite good that! strangely in russia they called roller coasters 'american mountains'. isnt that weird? i dont know why, no one knows. its one of those strange wrinkles in history that no one has cared enough to investigate, like how larry king avoided getting scurvy on the mayflower, no one really knows! 'it was the oranges!' you're thinking 'craig, we are learning so much tonight and yet you are still creapy and disgusting!' i know.'
- d. j. qualls
- angela kinsey