craig ferguson has often made fun of all the new show promos that come out at the beginning of each new show season. he always laughs at how the stars of the show start off with their back to us, and then slowly turn and smile at the camera. well, it looks like craig is now one of those turners! in advertising for the upcoming episode, cbs ran a promo where craig turns and smiles!
+ today news broke of jay leno's new plan to have a show at 10pm every night on nbc. craig ferguson responds by saying 'with all the late night stuff up in the air now, i wonder what will happen next. if i were to go to another network, not that anyone is interested, cbs would own all my jokes. all two of them: 'i know!', and 'remind you of anybody?'. late night hosts are a very close knit group. people think we hate each other, and its just not true. each year we see each other at the late night picnic; david letterman has us over, he barbeques some meat, jay gives everyone rides on his motorcycle, conan teaches people to use hair gel. carson daly is even there, he parks jays car, but he's there...'
+ last week craig ferguson's mother, janet, passed away. he spends the show sharing stories and memories of his mother, a fitting tribute. he talks of his mother raising the kids, becoming a teacher, and other stories. he becomes quite choked up as he shares 'my mother was always the talkative one, i guess i get that from her. my dad, though, was always quite. when i would call home each week after i got here in america and dad would answer i start sharing and he would say 'ill go get mom and get the news from her. it became his mantra. i dont know where they are now, but i take some comfort in knowing they're together, and he's getting the news.'
+ 'oh, i'm not feeling so good,' shares craig ferguson, 'i think its cause i ate too much at my thanksgiving dinner. after i ate so much i stumbled into the living room and collapsed on my lazy boy... poor raul, he never knew what hit him!'
+ today is thanksgiving, and craig ferguson shares his love the the holiday. 'oh, the thanksgiving day parade- i love it! the balloons were filled with hot air, donated by donald trump. my favorite is the shrek balloon, when i see that bloated scottish monster floating high above new york city, it reminds me of when i lived there in the 80's... 'oh, aye donkey'...'
+ its thanksgiving eve and craig ferguson informs us its the 'bussiest travel day of the year. it's rough, but its not the flight going to thanksgiving, its the flight going back. that gets ya. cause youre crammed into a pressurized cabin, there's two hundred other people there who've all spent the weekend gorging themselves- talk about a tailwind!'
+ 'those samali pirates are at it again!' craig ferguson exclaims, 'say what you like about them, but they go to work! and they arent those johnny depp style pirates with their mascara and swashbuckling ha ha fancy sword play, they're tough, these guys. and now, the development is that al qaeda has declared war on the simali pirates! that's awesome!! al qaeda vs. pirates- thats like in batman where its the joker vs. penguin or something@ evil vs. evil, alien vs. predator, its like dick chaney vs. his lawyer- evil vs. evil!'
+ there was some obama presidency news announced, craig ferguson tells us, 'obama announced his economic team, and president bush is working closely with them. obama says they've got many obstacles to overcome, the biggest one being maybe that president bush has been working closely with them.'
+ 'the twilight movie comes out today,' craig ferguson mentions, 'its based on the popular books. i like that reading hasnt gone out of style completely yet. if you are young and into magic, you read harry potter; you're a bit older and you read twilight, you get to my age and the only thing you read is the instructions on the hemorrhoid cream. but you know how to read it! the two greatest words in the english language? apply liberally!'
every once in a while craig ferguson goes out and does stand-up shows around the country. in february he will be having a show around here! he will be appearing at the horseshoe casino, which is only about 20 minutes from my house!!! i would really love to go see him, but unfortunately i dont think i will be able to. with all the wedding stuff coming up i'm not going to be able to shell out the money to go see him. very sad, i know. next time hes around here though, i will certainly be able to go- i'll start saving my pennies now!
+ 'obama used to smoke,' craig ferguson informs us, 'but his wife michelle gave him an ultimatum: stop smoking, or i wont support your run for president. right, like she'd start supporting the other guy! - she isn't joe lieberman...'
+ 'today i saw a guy in his mid 40's with a blinged out sweatshirt that said 'punks not dead',' craig ferguson shares, 'that sweatshirt cost 200 bucks! i used to listen to a punk band called 'the clash', its singer, joe strummer, wrote the line 'ha, you think its funny turning rebellion into money'. i hate this, i hate old men co opting youth culture trying to seem young, it really bothers me. it happens in L.A. a lot, this deification of youth by the middle aged and its perverse. you cant be young no matter how much botox you get! there is an epic poem written by the lebanese christian philosopher khalil ghibran, its called 'the prophet', and he says in that poem about children 'their souls live in the house of tomorrow which you cannot visit even in your dreams'. hes talking to you, jerk in the lame sweatshirt, so knock it off!'
+'mickey mouse is 80 years old today,' craig ferguson shares, 'he used to be in those short cartoons before movies. i wish they still did those, now they do commercials. you pay to get in the movie, then they do commercials at you! you know why they do that? because corporate america cares nothing about you, it has nothing but contempt for you, that is why our economy is in the crapper. now when i say corporate america, i do not mean cbs or any of the advertisers on cbs- but all the other ones!... ive really enjoyed doing this show, everybody, its been a great four years, thanks a lot... weve got to take a break, someones hanging around with a belt. i think im going to get in trouble for saying corporate america is to blame... but you know what? it is! it is! screw those guys! hey hey!'
+ when craig ferguson first comes out there is thunderous applause, and it continues for a while, causing him to respond 'look, if you over do it, it starts to sound a little insincere, also, if you applaud, applaud, applaud, and chear and think im great and i havent done anything, people might think im barack obama!'