8-13-08

+ 'its day three of my olympic boycott and its going very well,' says craig ferguson, 'i have, ive boycotted it, im having no part in the chinese government! i havent watched a minute of it. except for the three hours i watched last night, and every night since it started... i ahve to keep my eye on the enemy: damn you michael phelps, you have breast stroked your way into my heart!'

'last night was woments gymnastics and china took the gold. the american gymnasts are complaining that the chinese girls arent old enough, they are saying that some of the chinese gymnasts might be as young as 10 years old. im thinking: im sorry, if the excuse theyre using is 'they used a ten year old girl', then maybe your 'sport' might not be a sport! you would never hear that excuse in a real sport! its not like in the NFL youd hear a coach say 'i want you guys to go out there and play like ten year old girls!' that doesnt happen in real sports!'

- julie chen. craig does his weekly check in with the residents of the big brother house.

> hugh moore

< ron irizarry. he won a contest to write a theme song for the movie 'henry poole is here'.

8-12-08

+ despite craig fergusons olympics boycott, all he does it talk about it! tonight he discusses swimming. 'swimmers shave their entire body to swim faster,' he shares, 'during practices some swimmers wear stockings, they say its to help build endurance because it increases the drag. well, yeah! put on a little sun dress and some high heels too and it will really increase the drag!'

+ olympics highlights with john tesh

- kiefer sutherland

- kate mara

big guests

i must say, i have been a bit surprised by craig fergusons guest list lately. it seems that he might be getting more credibility because his guests have certainly started getting more A list then usual. the big stars usually go to dave or jay, but it seems recently that they have been appearing on craig too! will ferrel, jack black, robert downey jr. these are bigger names that craig is used to.

im not sure what this upgrade could be attributed to. perhaps its due to the increase in ratings. for the past few months craig has been routinely beating conan (which makes me happy). although, i bet its something easier to explain. its probably due to the fact that the olympics have taken jay and conan off the air for these two weeks.

hmm. ill just say its due to the fact that craig is the best, and all the stars are starting to realize it...

8-11-08

+ 'heres something you might not know about the olympics,' craig ferguson tells us, 'i hate them. dont get me wrong, i love sports. i like real sports like baseball, football, soccer, even rugby... well, thats not a real sport, thats just violence with a ball. the olympics has a lot of stuff going on that has nothing to do with sports, if you ask me. running around with a streamer is not a sport, its a parade!'

+ dan mcvicar, an actor from the soap opera 'the bold and the beautiful' stops by to give craig some melodramatic troubles.

- robert downey jr.

- amy smart

8-08-08

+ marijuana seems to be the topic of the night. craig ferguson shares a story of a time, in his twenties, when he and a friend enjoyed an 'herbal cigarette' and got really hungry and poured a whole huge box of bran flakes into a big bowl and just dug in. while shoveling in the cereal his friend freaks out and runs out of the room. craig looks down and finds what his friend saw: a dead wasp in the bowl! he said that he has never been more scared in his life- and ran out of the room screaming too!

+ tim meadows reports from china

= toby keith. talks and sings

- colin hanks

8-07-08

+ ah, finally things are back to normal. craig ferguson talks about going to the eye doctor because he needed new glasses. he tells us that the experience was awful and complains about the really crappy service, 'im not going to say what company it is, but it rhymes with nenscrafters...'

- jack black

- tom arnold

= conor oberst and the mystic valley band

8-06-08

another lost episode due to the power outage, fortunately though, it is the last one missed.

and i would guess that it was one of the funniest things ever to appear on television. and i missed it. oh, cruel world...

by the looks of it, even craig ferguson is sad that i missed the show. careful craig, i dont want you to drowned.

8-05-08

another episode missed due to lack of power, thanks power company...

this one featured paula patton and regis philbin. it was almost certainly funny, but i am not able to give you many more details. my guess would be that at some point in the monologue he made fun of donald trump, paul mccartney, or kenny rogers. just a guess...

8-04-08

unfortunately, due to the effects of 'stormwatch: powerless! '08', i was unable to watch this episode.

it featured cheryl hines and harry shearer, and im sure it was hilarious, but alas, i shall never know...

8-01-08

+ 'mummy 3: tomb of the dragon emperor' came out today, and craig ferguson talks about his love for egyptian history.

+ skit of craig meeting with cbs scheduler who wants him to host 'americas got herpes'

- rainn wilson. hes trying to get a new term for butt to catch on: thigh caps. i like it.

> cory kahaney

= the hold steady

goodnight email

craig ferguson has another new email song. this time it is done in the style of a childrens lullaby, with craigs head on all the little children singing. the best part is that craigs face is also the man in the moon!

7-31-08

+ craig ferguson declared that he wants a farm. he says he will start with a cow, then get pigs. 'i love pigs, they are very smart animals, not smart enough to know not to be delicious, but theyre very smart. you know what i wouldnt have on my farm though is sheep, because there is s scottish sheep stereotype. it is filthy, hurtful, and it is a stereotype and i dont want to perpetuate it. plus i dont trust myself around sheep... those gorgeous wooly bitches...'

+ murder she wrote '08 skit with mary steenbergen

- will ferrell. this must have been filmed back in the middle of july because hes sporting his mustache again.

# jean-michel cousteau

7-30-08

+ there was a big earthquake yesterday, craig ferguson shares, 'its actually quite nice the day after something like that, people come together after a natural disaster like an earthquake, or a fire, or an eddie murphy movie. people are much nicer to each other, come on, we can get through this...'

'when ever there is an earthquake there is always someone who says 'my cat knew!'. oh, come on! if pets could tell the future, my dog would still have testicles!'

- julie chen craig talks to the big brother house members

- michelle yeoh

* tom sullivan

- ls3. craig says that there was an audition going on next to his office earlier that day for an mtv thing and he heard these three guys singing. he was quite impressed and asked them to be on his show, no auditions necessary! they have a very good three part harmony.

7-29-08

+ today there was an earthquake in los angeles, craig ferguson informs us.

it seems that edgar mitchell, the 6th man to walk on the moon, says that aliens have been visiting earth and working with the government since the 50s. craig wonders if we should believe him just because hes been to the moon.

+ an emailer asks craig if he could interview an invisible man, craig says lets give it a try, and proceeds to interview an invisible sean connery.

- jet li

= belinda carlisle talks, and sings

7-28-08

+ today marks the beginning of 'shark week', craig ferguson early shares.

this past weekend craig played a lot of shows in las vegas, so he tells a bit about his time there. 'for a long time vegas was known for the crimes that took place there: racketeering, prostitution, carrot top...'

''las vegas' is spanish for 'the meadows'. why would they call it that? ill tell you why: because it sounds better than 'the inhospitable desert thats hotter than satans ass', thats why!'

+ eric idle, with bagpippers

+ nancy travis

7-25-08

+ craig ferguson reminds us that the x-files movie is coming out today. he talks about david duchovny, remembering that he was craigs first guest on when he took over the show. 'he smells like ranch dressing...'

+sean connery skit with aisha tyler where he holds auditions for a new bond girl.

- xzibit

= griffin house

7-24-08

+ today is national tequila day, craig ferguson tells us, 'that means tomorrow is national wake up in a dumpster day!' craig then begins discussing what is going on with the presidential candidates, 'obama was in germany and 100,000 people showed up. there was so much shouting and screaming that france surrendered just in case...'

- amanda peet

* lance morrow

7-23-08

+ there is a new season of 'mindfreak' on, craig fergsuon informs us. 'that chris angel sure wears a lot of make up, huh?' graig admits that he used to wear make up too, to look like a punk rocker back in the day, 'i try to wear it now, and i just look like an ugly woman.' he asks 'why does chris angel wear it? because it makes him mysterious... just think about it, whats the most mysterious animal? a panda. trust me...'

+ fake arnie interview

- wayne newton

- les stroud host of shark week

= curt smith former singer of the 80s band 'tears for fears', hes actually pretty good!

email indian style

a new email time jingle showed up this week, this time in the style of indian music. it even featured craig ferguson as the indian god with 8 arms. craig laughed at it and claimed hes going all 'boolywood' on us...

7-22-08

+ there is a new show on lifetime called 'how to look good naked', and craig ferguson has a ball cracking jokes about it.

+ an email asks 'have you ever been arrested, and what for?' craig responds 'come on, you know ive been arrested. a lot. when i was younger i was arrested, and you know what the charge was? drunk and incapable. what the hell is that?!? thats not a charge, thats an insult!'

- julie chen craig even had a live feed to the 'big brother' house and got to chat with them life for a couple of minutes.

- adam scott

= ricky skaggs and kentucky thunder

7-21-08

+ with obama on his middle east trip, mccain is complaining about the media only covering him, craig ferguson tells us, 'ive got a solution to all this mud slinging that makes everyone happy: president batman!'

+ craig mentions that he just got back from the 'just for laughs' comedy festival over the weekend. he has gone since the late 80s and talked about how he always hated the older comics thinking 'no one over 30 can be funny', and how they were all bitter and hated the younger comics. this year he started to realize 'im now one of the old guys i used to hate at these things! i was so annoyed with the young comics, i felt like john mccain at a hanna montanna concert.'

- aisha tyler

- jarod miller host of 'greatest american dog'

= keaton simons