+ on the last day in scotland, mila kunis, michael clarke duncan, and ariel tweto all enjoy the view from the top of edinburgh castle.
+ craig ferguson and mila kunis walk through a park as craig shares a story from his youth.  'one night when i was on what the kids call 'lsd', i was walking in this very spot when i was attacked by killer ducks!  the ducks in this pond attacked me!  it had nothing to do with the drugs.  i was walking and i heard 'quack!' and i started to run and they came after me!  imagine the zombie apocalypse, except with ducks.'  back to craig and geoff fishing off the pier at arbroath harbour.
+ prince charles' castle.  while at the castle, craig sits down with david sedaris and has a good chat.  micheal clarke duncan, geoff peterson, and craig ferguson hang out in front of craig's high school.  craig and ariel tweto visit the grave of greyfriars kirkyard and share the story of greyfriars' bobby.
+ prince charles' castle.  back at the tron bar, craig talks with michael clarke duncan in front of the crowd.
+ geoff peterson, ariel tweto, and rashida jones go to the fettercairn brewery to see where whiskey comes from!  the imagineers perform again for the tron bar crowd.
+ craig and geoff talk about what fun they have had the past week in scotland while they play a little billiards.  'i've had a very nice time here in scotland.  its been very nice.  i've rather enjoyed it.  its very different, you know they say you can never go back, but you can.  have you ever heard that line in the poem 'the past is another country, they do things differently there'?'
'yeah', geoff says.
'well, you could say the same thing about sweden, couldnt you?  sweden is another country, they do things differently there too.'
'yeah they do'.
'but we are not going to sweden next time, are we?'
'no, that would be kind of cool!'
'no no, i like scotland, but i think we need to stay home in america for a while.  whats the first thing you are going to do when you get back to america?'  craig asks geoff.
'i'm going to plug myself in to the wall and stand behind a podium.'
'you know', craig responds, 'thats exactly what i'm going to do!'
and to close of their time in scotland, the imagineers play the show out with another rendition of the late late show theme song!


+ still in scotland, craig shows us around the kalvingrove art gallery and museum, stopping to check out the christ of st. john of the cross by dali, and checking out the egyptian section of the gallery as well.  back at the castle, craig and geoff hang out at the piano and play another song.
+ michael caine in space in scotland. now in edinburgh, craig and mila kunis stop in at deacon brodie's tavern for a quick drink where they discuss the creepy history of the place.
+ prince charles' castle.  craig and ariel tweto talk about a spitfire plane hanging in the kalvingrove art gallery and museum and have a little pilot talk.
+ craig takes mila kunis and ariel tweto to a local store that sells scottish things.  the two ladies try on kilts and get to be silly with craig around the store.
+ back at the tron bar, craig once again has an impromptu late late show with geoff peterson by his side.  this time, the two of them talk with the 'scottish elvis', fred macaulay.  the two of them talk about when they knew each other when they used to do stand up comedy in the good old days.
+ more evening crumpets with rashida jones, ariel tweto, and davis sedaris.  they get the chance to talk about igloos, scottish accents, swearing, and tattoos.  another performance by the imagineers.


+ 'its a great day for scotland', craig ferguson says while walking the streets of his hometown, 'this is cumbernauld, you've probably heard about it.  ha ha!  no you havent!  its about 13 miles out of glasgow, its where i lived as a child.  this, behind me, is the first house i lived in.  its weird because everything is a lot bigger than i thought it was going to be, i thought it would be smaller, but everything is bigger than i remember it: my house, the street, my genitals.  back then, all i thought about was my house, my street, and my genitals.  now, i never think about my house and my street.'
craig then stops by his old school and check out how things have changed.  craig also sits down at a piano with geoff at the glamis castle.  he even writes a song about how much he loves geoff...
+ michael caine in space in scotland.  michael clarke duncan and craig chat while enjoying some chocolate covered raisins in front of craig's old garage.  while filming in front of his old house, craig even gets invited in by the current resident!  the two of them chat for a while as craig regales her with strange stories of his youth.
+ prince charles' castle.  craig and michael clarke duncan wander through craig's old school, even stopping in to a classroom and talking with the current students.  craig also stops in to talk to walter muir, the head teacher at the school to ask him about how things have changed since craig was there.  muir presents craig with a few gifts: the school uniform tie, and a framed copy of the school ledger from all those years ago that shows craig dropping out of school!  craig and geoff do another impromptu version of the late late show in the school's parking lot, answering tweets and emails in front of the students.
+ evening crumpets once again with david sedaris, ariel tweto, and rashida jones.  a performance by the imagineers.  also, a strange time warp meeting between craig ferguson as an adult and his younger self when he used to live here.  strange!


+ craig ferguson and his guests ride around on a tiny train and tiny truck in arbroath!
+ stopping for a snack, craig stops to get a smokie in dundee.  more michael caine in space in scotland.
+ prince charles' castle.  sitting on the beach in arbroath with rashida jones.
+ craig sits down in the middle of arbroath abbey with alex salmond, the first minister of scotland.  they have a very enlightening conversation about the declaration of arbroath as well as the ins and outs of scottish independence.
+ craig and geoff fishing off the end of the pier in arbroath.  back at the tron club, craig holds an impromptu version of 'the late late show' with geoff peterson, and interviews mila kunis.
+ back enjoying a smokie with ariel tweto.  another performance by the imagineers.  a moment on the plane to scotland with ariel tweto.


+ craig ferguson goes to scotland!  his journey starts out in his normal studio in los angeles, and after a quick song, he heads into the tardis with secretariat.  it disappears and emerges at glamis castle in northern scotland.  after sharing some cool info about the castle, he heads off to do some fishing with geoff peterson at the arbroath harbour.
+michael caine in space in scotland
craig and mila kunis walk around the glasgow necropolis and talk about life and death as they check out the monument to john knox at the center of the cemetery.
+ craig and michael clarke duncan wander the streets of craig's hometown cumbernauld and head into a local bar, the spur hotel, that holds a lot of history for craig.  'the last time i was here i got beat up', craig ferguson shares, 'see, if you would have been here i would have been alright!  want to hear the story?'
'sure' replies duncan
'this is how my finger got broken:  i was in here 30 years ago.  i was downstairs and cal calhoune walked in.  here's the thing, he was cal calhoune, the best fighter in the town.  when he comes in to the bar downstairs, heres what happened was, unfortunately there was a girl sitting on my knee.  he got pretty mad cause it was his girlfriend.'
'what were you doing with his girlfriend?'
'well, there were hardly any seats... she used my leg.  i didnt want to be rude' craig replies.  'he kicked my ass right up those stairs cause i was running away.  he kicked me in the side of my head and broke my finger, ever since then my finger is bent, and you want to know the weirdest thing?  my first born son's finger is bent in the same place!'
+ craig and rashida jones walk down the beach at arbroath.  later, at the tron theater, craig holds a bare bones version of his show with geoff peterson.  his guest is ariel tweto and he chat for a while in front of a packed house.
+ back at glamis castle, criag enjoys some evening crumpets with rashida jones, david sedaris, and ariel tweto. they have a rather interesting discussion about colostomy bags and amputations...  we end with a performance by the imagineers.

craig goes to scotland

obviously inspired by the success of their trip to paris, craig ferguson is taking the late late show on the road again!  this time he is going with geoff peterson and secretariat to his old home in scotland!  taking a few guests with him, craig will be spending the week with michael clarke duncan, david sedaris, ariel tweto, and rashida jones.


+ 'sunday is, of course, mothers day', criag ferguson reminds, 'so to all you mothers out there, happy mothers day!  there is an old jewish proverb, which i know of course because i'm scottish, it says 'god could not be everywhere, so he created mothers'.  you know, if you want to know what to do with mother for mothers day is take her to brunch.  thats what everybody does.  lets go for brunch!  i dont know how that became a mothers day thing.  breakfast too early, i've got plans for lunch- lets have brunch!  my mother did so much for me as a kid, she told me one day i would go to the moon.  so i took acid, and she was right!'
* larry king
- anna chlumsky


+ 'its not a great day if you live here in l.a. who are trying to drive and get around', craig ferguson shares, 'multiple freeways are shut down because president obama is in town for a fundraiser.  forty grand a plate!  cause nothing says 'man of the people' like demanding forty grand for some rubbery chicken.  they are calling this fundraiser 'starmageddon' because a lot of big hollywood stars are going to be there.  they are having up at george clooney's house up in studio city.  its a nice area, i like that some l.a. neighborhoods are named for exactly what they are.  studio city has movie studios there, right across the freeway from north douchetown, next to the kardashian tar pits.  which is where they go to get waxed.'
* christiane amanpour
- anna kendrick


+ 'today president obama said that he supports gay marriage.' craig ferguson states, 'which is great news for the gay community, but it wasnt all positive though.  he said that he thought the show glee may have jumped the shark.  mitt romney responded by restating his own views on marriage.  he said 'marriage should only take place between two consenting rich people'.  then he said that he had no problem with gay people because one of his best friends owns san francisco.  now, its a big step forward for gay rights.  soon we may live in a world where the only people against gay marriage will be those who are gay married.  i've said this before, but if you want to stop gay marriage, ban gay divorce!'
+ the rather late programme with prince charles
- jenna fischer
- danny huston


+ 'its a great day to be a teacher' craig ferguson states, 'today is teacher appreciation day.  the first national teacher's day was back in 1953, that was... what?... almost 300 years ago?  the traditional gift for a teacher is an apple.  may i suggest instead cash?  pay all the teachers more, they dont need apples.  pay the teachers more, except the art teachers, they dont need more money because all they want to do is get high on the glue and markers!  if i ran the world, teachers would make whatever they wanted because without teachers we wouldnt have schools. without schools we wouldnt have had the show 'saved by the bell', and without saved by the bell, we wouldnt have mario lopez.  i rest my case.  these days teachers have it rough, kids these days are all hyper active now and disobedient and obnoxious.  it must be like being locked in a room full of drunk midgets, being a teacher.  maybe not as much fun.  i've always appreciated my teachers.  when i was 16 i gave them the greatest gift i could think of: i dropped out of school.  i went back to my high school recently and everything was completely different!  the cafeteria had food that you could actually eat, the nurse didn't use leeches any more, there was no more corporal punishment at all- it was horrendous!  i said to the principle 'how could everything have changed so much?  how a building that, in my day, was associated with chaos and violence, surly drunkenness, had now become a place of learning?'  he said 'well, as soon as you left everything just straightened right up'.'
= steven tyler
- jaime king


+ 'it is a great day for our friends in france, and the french too!' craig ferguson jests, 'yesterday they elected a new president, and the french are going nuts!  today the streets of paris were filled with people going 'i dont care. life is meaningless...'  politics in france is a bit different than it is here, when the french secret service hire prostitutes its not a scandal, its called test driving mistresses for your boss.  thats all it is!  i wish our elections were just like those in france, and by that i mean i wish it were over.  it hasnt even started yet- we've got months of this crap left...'
- poppy montgomery
- steve guttenberg


+ 'big movie opening today, the one everyone has been talking about: the avengers', craig ferguson shares, 'this is the movie that combines all your favorite superheroes, except batman and spider-man and superman and aquaman.  and the michelin man, and the director michael man, and the singer aimee mann.  i dont know who's in the movie.  its got iron man and and a bunch of other men.  and any movie with that many men in it- where do i buy a ticket, mister?  anyway,  the avengers is the first blockbuster of the summer.  it costs 220 million dollars to make.  now, to give you an idea how much money that it, if you take the yearly budget of this show and add 220 million dollars...  apparently the original comic of the avengers had another superhero who was called ant man.  this is true, but they didnt put him in the movie.  ant man would have been awesome!  he could solve any problem, right or wrong, provided it took place at a picnic!'
- zooey deschanel
- patrick warburton


as the years go by, craig ferguson gets better and better dressed!  years ago, back when craig ferguson was just coming into his own on 'the late late show with craig ferguson', craig opted out of the traditional clothing for a talk show host: the suit and tie.  he never quite ditched the suit, but the tie was nowhere to be found.  as time went on, either the pressure from cbs got too much, or because he wanted a change, craig started wearing a tie.  he didnt go all in, always having to stick it to the man at least a little bit, he would wear their tie, but he kept it loose and the top button of his shirt was always undone.  well, it seems like he has made peace with the tie, tightening it up all the way to the top, and he's even begun wearing a vest under his jacket!  oh la la!  it kind of goes against the loose structure of the show, but i'm starting to think thats exactly why he does it.  he hasnt really addressed his reason for the change, but when he does, i'll keep you posted!


+ 'our president is in a little bit of hot water', craig ferguson states, 'a new biography about the president says that he took artistic liberties with his memoir.  it said that he fictionalized details for narrative clarity.  what the biography means is that president obama made some crap up.  i'm like 'how is this news? he's a politician, how do you think he became the president?'  you make crap up!  you come out of college and start lying and you just dont quite!  normally a little fib about a girlfriend wouldnt be a big deal, like the rest of us the president is aloud to stretch the truth a little bit now and then.  for instance, every morning he can tell joe biden that if he fetches the paper he'll get to drive train force one.  technically that is a lie, there is no train force one, but biden doesnt know that!  obama made this stuff up though in a memoir, and memoirs are supposed to be true.  or are they?  the word memoir comes from a french word that means memory.  its weird to me that obama chose to fabricate in his memoir because it wasnt something cool he made up like hitting six home runs in a little league game or faking his own birth certificate.  no, it was something lame, he just compressed several girlfriends into one character.  i'm thinking 'oh very smooth'.  if there's one thing i know that women love, its being blurred together with other women.  i recently wrote a memoir, i know how hard it is to remember the exact details of stuff that happened decades ago.  luckily i had a crack team of researches on my side, they are known as the scottish police!  apparently when you get arrested people fill out a report and they write it down!  they explain why and even include one or two or thirty pages explaining what went down!  anyway, the publisher told me that it was legally ok to change names of people in a memoir to save them from embarrassment.  but when i tried to take them up on it, they wouldnt let me change my own name!'
- julie andrews
- michael emerson


+ 'its a great day if you like to hang around the airports', craig ferguson states, 'today travel and leisure magazine came out with their list of america's best airports.  topping the list is minniapolis st paul.  i was surprised until i saw the factors the used to make the decision:
1. percent of flights on time
2. bathrooms with senators gettin' it on
3. close to city center
4. people talking like they're in the movie 'fargo'
5. hand dryers powerful enough to warm your junk
you know what i just though?  why do we make a list of five things?  why not make a list of ten things every night and then count down from 10...  hey, if you are going to steal stuff, make sure its within the family!  anyway, the airport survey, i'm annoyed at it.  i get annoyed at these things because they always give airports high marks for weird stuff like indoor gardens and yoga rooms.  i dont give a crap about any of that!  i want stuff that really matters, like how quickly can i get out of a baggage claim after stealing somebody's suitcase?  and then this survey has a category for best airport bars.  i'm like 'wha?'  airport bars always freak me out, they are always like star wars.  its one of the two places where its acceptable to be drunk off your ass at seven o'clock in the morning.  one is an airport bar, and the other is a place in ireland called 'ireland'.'
- anjelica huston
- reno wilson


+ 'its may day today', craig ferguson reminds, 'its the first of may.  now, dont confuse that with mayo day, which is the day i slather everything in mayonnaise.  everything except my food.  well, i do butter my crumpets...  anyway, i'm not that excited about may this year because this month i reach a big milestone.  i turn... 30 this year.  no, i turn 50 this month!  that means i have to undergo certain 'procedures'.  right now a doctor in los angeles is going 'ferguson is coming in soon, reinforce the ass camera'.  anyway, may day is when we celebrate the labor movement.  today 'occupy wall street' held protests all over the country.  they've been quiet for a while, so this is part way to let people know they are back in business.  i let people know i'm back in business the old fashioned way: show a little leg, put a red light outside the door.  thats right, i am a prostitute.  a mayonnaise covered prostitute with buttered crumpets!'
- jesse tyler ferguson
- lennon parham


+ 'i had a fantastic weekend', craig ferguson shares, 'i was doing the stand up comedy in the pacific northwest.  i was up in portland oregon.  i love it up there, its so relaxed!  the city motto is 'whatever, dude'.  they say theres a lot of hipsters up there.  but i'm like 'what is a hipster?'  because i'm into doctor who, i like vinyl records, i'm a griffindor.  does that make me a hipster?  more of a dorkster?  only the sorting hat knows for sure!  or maybe i'm just a creepy old douche.  anyway, i went to a great dinner in portland, it was very old school, it was the original hot cakes and steak house.  i was confused at first because of the name.  hot cakes and steak.  that was the name of the boy band i was in in the 80's with mario lopez!  anyway, i was at this dinner in portland, i was there quite late because of this show i was working on so i went quite late.  there were a couple other patrons there about 2:00 am and they seemed... hungry...  i dont want to say that people in portland smoke a lot of weed, but the state bird is the iguana!'
- jim gaffigan
-> cat cora


+ 'the big movie i'm interested in this weekend is the raven', craig ferguson states, 'it looks creepy because its about edger allen poe, who was a big creepy dude.  he was like the 19th century kardashian.  he was a brilliant writer, so i guess he's nothing like a kardashian.  what?  thats news?  'craig, are you saying that the kardashians are not america's foremost literary family?'  thats exactly what i'm saying!  there is no other writer quite like edger allen poe, there's none that can make your spine tingle quite like him.  then again, any writer can make your spine tingle if you are reading on the washing machine...  edger allen poe is most famous for his poem entitled 'the raven'.  thats why the movie is called the raven.  i'd like to see the movie just so i can yell at the screen 'thats so raven!'.'
- patton oswalt
- phoebe tonkin

scotland- coming soon!

after the success of the paris episodes, it looks like 'the late late show with craig ferguson' is on the road again!  this time they are going to visit craig's homeland of scotland!  craig recently showed off this cool video to entice us to watch the scotland episodes.  they are going to air may 14-18, so make sure you check them out!  the scotland video craig showed can be seen here.


+ 'its a big day if you are a fan of the football', craig ferguson reminds, 'the first round of the nfl draft was earlier tonight, because we are live of course.  it was earlier tonight at radio city music hall.  and as blind luck would have it i will be performing at radio city music hall on october the 6th.  hmm.  but the nfl draft and my comedy show are quite different of course, one is a grand spectacle involving the nations most athletic young men, and the other one is the nfl draft.  normally i dont talk that much about the nfl on this show, but tonight i'm making an exception.  this season the super bowl is on cbs, and also i am a corporate whore.  but lets be honest, the nfl draft is nothing if not exciting.  what happens is that the league basically plucks young people from obscurity and then pits them in a brutal competition to fight to the death.  oh, wait, thats the hunger games.  but its about the same thing...  for those of you who dont know, the 32 nfl teams draft in the reverse order of how they finished in the standings last year.  which means every year the nfl draft allows the best young player coming out of college to realize his life long dream of playing for the crappiest team in football from the year before!  its like, imagine if you will, standing in line for the price is right to only get tickets for this show instead...'
- toni collette
# mike massimino