+ 'its a big anniverary today' craig ferguson reminds us, 'mine? no, mine's on monday- i remembered, just in time! no, its 106 years ago this very day, the wright brothers in south carolina i think, the first air plane flight. the first flight was just 12 seconds long. it would have been shorter, but they had to change planes in st. louis... the wright brothers, of course, were wilber wright and orvile wright. they were bicycle manufacturers, some how they got this crazy idea that they could build an aircraft. basically, they were the 'jackass' guys of their day. historians say the wright brothers were constantly tinkering with their airplanes. they spent years experimenting with various models. much like tiger woods... now i've told you this before, i love the aviation. im a bit of an aviation buff, i am. there is something magical about looking down from above. everything looks great from above: buildings, freeways, clevage.'


+ 'the most terrifying news story today', craig ferguson warns, 'is that octopuses use coconuts for shelter. octopuses have learned to use coconuts! i couldnt believe it, i always thought more than one octopus was called octopi, but its octopuses. what? thats what it is! i have no idea why, dont email me english majors, i dont care. but heres why it doesnt make sense to me: if you have more than one cactus, youve got a cacti. if you have more than one stimulus, youve got stimuli. if youve got more than fungus, youve probably had sex with bret micheals. but i do like octopi because it makes me hungry because i think of eight pies. and pie is the tarzan to my stomachs jane... that doesnt even make sense for this show! anyway, it turns out they dig up coconuts from the ocean floor and make stuff! isnt that adorable? they make shelters, weapons, pina coladas. my mother used to always say 'i'm not an octopus, i cant do eight things at once. which i never understood, just cause youve got eight arms, doesnt mean you can do eight things at once. its a ridiculous notion, although my mother did used to hide in a coconut.'
+ a collection of christmas specials from different famous people: sarah palin, andy rooney, kate gosselin, simon cowell, willie nelson, paula abdul, and tom cruise.

12-15-09 1000th episode!

+ for this special 1000th episode of 'the late show with craig ferguson' our favorite hand puppet, the crocadilli-alligator wavey is hosting! in fact, for the 1000th episode, craig isnt even on it! everything is over run with puppets! wavey interviews the guests, does the monologue, and introduces the show. the rest of the show is filled with puppets too, including all the regular bits. check out the pictures for more:
- jason schwartzman
+ a sean connery holiday memory. its the same old funny bit, but this time sean connery is a puppet of a goat. actually, it makes it even funnier!
+ dear aquaman. just like a regular aguaman bit where he answers emails, but this time aquaman is a shark with a human body and blond hair.
- dracula puppet by jason segal from 'forgetting sarah marshall' singing 'dracula's lament'
- kristen bell
+ a song with wavey, a harem of women, all the show's supporting players, and prince charles! (which is the only time we actually see craig ferguson on his own 1000th show)


+ 'guess what happened to me over the weekend', craig ferguson asks, 'i'll tell you. so, i was in nashville friday night, doing a little show in nashville, very nice, country music, everyone very pleasant, cowboy hats, cowboy boots, country music, politeness. lovely. saturday morning i have an early flight to l.a., but there is no direct flight from nashville to la on saturday morning, so i had to get a connecting flight through houston texas. a perfectly normal thing to do, people do it all the time. i get there early and i go up to the desk, everyone's very nice, i'm on the plane, a very small plane. and i'm on the plane and i think 'this plane is busy, theres just too many people for this small place'. its ten past six in the morning. then the gate agent comes on 'the flight is over booked, someone has to get off, its over booked and over weight'. and i'm like 'tell me about it, that exactly what i'm like!' so they are asking around to get people off, and i think well, i've got to go to make my connecting flight, but the flight is taking a while, i'm never going to make it. i say 'ok, ill get off'. so i get off the plane, i think 'well, i've got to get to l.a.' i get off and go up to the ticket agent. i ask 'all right, just get me to l.a.' they say 'oh, thanks for doing that.' i went 'its allright, you over booked the flight though' 'yeah, we've been doing that a lot lately'. i talk with this guy and he says 'i can get you back to l.a. through st. louis'. i get the ticket and i see its a six hour layover in st. louis airport. and as much as i like the people of st. louis, six hours aint going to cut it for me. i decide you know what, i'm going to get a car and drive up to atlanta and see a buddy who lives there. now, as im walking away, the guy says 'hey, i love your show'. and im thinking 'he knows i'm on tv...' and he says 'hey, dont bad mouth us on tv!' oh, there's no way i would bad mouth you on tv, CONTINENTAL AIRLINES!!! anyway, i went to see my buddy, stayed in atlanta for the night, and then i flew home on a big comfortable plane operated by DELTA AIRLINES who were very very nice! your welcome airline industry!'


+ 'do you know the hell of presenting a television show every night where you just talk?', craig ferguson asks, 'i'll tell you, you never know what offensive crap you are going to say next. this is why, what happens is this: the people like me, who are basically just wiseasses and just talk for a living, we would start doing these shows. we would just come out and say anything. soon we were saying things and people would go 'hey, you cant say that!' and they would be right. we were just talking. now what we do is we have scripts. we look at these scripts and ponder over them and lawyers come in and go 'yes, i think that would be acceptable for small americans' or you know, what ever it is, the group of people who would be offended by your 'comedy'. but heres the problem: i think i goes to far sometimes. cause what happens is, i had an idea for something to do on the show and one of the lawyers said 'i think this is in poor taste'. and i said 'yes, thats kind of what we do'. he said 'yeah, but i think its in poor taste'. i said 'you dont have taste, your a lawyer!' i said 'i dont care, is it legal?' see what happens is, everybody is an expert in comedy. if it doesnt make you laugh, its not funny. in drama you can get around it, cause if somebody says they liked it, you can say 'oh, you liked it did you?' 'what, you didnt like it?' 'no, i didnt like it.' then you can say 'oh, you probably didn't get it'. comedy is the opposite, 'oh, thats the kind of thing that makes you laugh? i only laugh at intelligent things.' now, i have something to tell you: if you only laugh at really intelligent things, its slim pickins here.'
- jim parsons
= they might be giants


+ 'its a great day for our present president obama', craig ferguson shares, 'he accepted a nobel peace prize in norway. i dont want to say this obama love is out of control, but his acceptance speech for the nobel prize just won the pulitzer prize and his over all performance won an oscar. theres a lot of controversy for president obama in norway, because he apparently snubbed the norwegian royal family. he snubbed them by canceling lunch with them. he was meant to have lunch with the royal family and he canceled. dont be silly, norwegian royal family, even if the president doesnt invite you just show up and crash the party, thats how we do it in america. the award is given out in oslo norway, which has been in the news this week because of the strange lights in the sky there. wait... a strange star like object over oslo just before obama arrives, a gift of a gold medal given by a group of wise men... nah. naaah. even msnbc are going 'no, you took it too far'. anyway, some people are saying its a light from a ufo coming to welcome obama, which is ridiculous cause if it were really a ufo, they would take joe biden back to his home planet.'
+ a sean connery christmas memory
# howie mandel
- paula marshall


+ 'oh, wait a minute', criag ferguson asks, 'morgan freeman is on tonight! see, now theres the thing! here's the thing though, morgan freeman is one of those guys where if he's in your movie, its better! no, its true, if morgan freeman is in the movie and there's like flippy baldwin is in it too, then you go 'oh, morgan freeman is in it, alright, i'll watch it!' well, he's here. and this is when we will break the rule. morgan freeman will be on this show, and it will still be crap!'
- morgan freeman
= overtones


+ 'earlier tonight abc aired 'a charlie brown christmas', craig ferguson shares, 'it was supposed to be on last week but was delayed for the presidential speech last week. i've always been a fan of charlie brown and the whole peanuts gang. its good to see the peanuts gang back together. snoopys not there though, no one has seen him since he spent that weekend at michael vick's house! uh oh! anyway, the peanuts cartoon has stayed the same since the '50s. i'm very glad of that, i dont like the idea of charlie brown aging, otherwise there would be specials like 'its your third divorce, charlie brown', 'its the great pumpkin size prostate, charlie brown'. you know who i think is like the peanuts gang: the late night talk show hosts. david letterman can be like charlie brown, he's the leader of the gang, but he's kind of cranky and depressed. and then conan o'brien can be like peppermint patty, you know he's freckly. and i'll be pigpen! the dude who makes an occasional appearance to stink the place up a bit, all covered in flies and everything. who's the kid with the blankey? linus? fallon.'

take a poll

the magazine marie claire is running a pole asking 'Which late-night talk show host would you sleep with?' it lists 9 different options, and among them is our very own craig ferguson! craig talked about this poll on monday's show when it was brought up by an emailer. at the time craig was by far in the lead- he had 74% of all the votes! want to add your two cents? curious about where the numbers are now? well, click here to check it out!


+ 'i'm troubled', shares craig ferguson, 'a couple things happened. one is that i've done something this weekend that i havent done before, and thats really upset me. my son wanted to see the harry potter movies. i've never seen them, i been making fun of them for years. thats easy for me to say 'oh that kid, he's a drunk midget' all that stuff. i've been making fun of it. so anyway, so i watched the first harry potter movie with my son. its awesome. awesome! and i'm like 'wait, wait. i'm was like 'oh, voldimort is right behind you, harry!' its fantastic and i've been making fun of it. now, i'm having a crisis, i'm having an existentialist dilemma. well, not as brainy as that, i'm probably just having a douche dilemma. here's my douche dilemma: i make fun of things, its kind of my job, you know? and i've been making fun of those vampires, you know the modern ones with good haircuts that are vegetarians and they care about your feelings. 'oh, new moon, i'm not going to see that'. what if thats good?!? and i've been making fun of it, and its good? then i'm thinking 'i've never listened to the jonas brothers, maybe their good!' what am i going to do?!? maybe everything i say is sucky isnt sucky at all! maybe i'm the one that sucks. i make fun of stuff i havent seen all the time. will i stop? no...'

craig ferguson's rattle snake mug

wondering how you can get your hands on a rattlesnake mug like craig fergusons? well, you are in luck! craig ferguson got his originally from mary mccormack when she went to the albuquerque rattlesnake museum, but i have discovered where to get one from if you are not able to quickly drive over there yourself. after scouring the internet for a place to find the mug (with a little help from some faithful readers...) i have figured it out!
i just got one for myself from the house of tasso, and it is pretty cool!  check out my pictures here.  you can get one of them by ordering online from here, or you can click the ad on the right!
+ check out craig's other mug too!
thanks for stopping by, and dont forget to check back here regularly for episode highlights of 'the late late show with craig ferguson'!


+ 'because its friday, there are a couple new movies coming out that i am very excited about', craig ferguson admits, 'no, i'm not really. i'm just going to see 'new moon' over and over again until my pants fall off. which usually happens as soon as the werewolves come on. i love the werewolves in that movie, they're not wolfy and theyre not werey. theres something about them that brings out the hairy beast in me, and he's hungry for meat. there's a new movie opening today, its called 'everybody's fine' staring robert deniro and drew barrymore. i like drew barrymore, i think she's lovely. remember when drew jumped on david letterman's desk and showed him her boobies? that happened here as well, except it was drew carrey. but, to be fair: awesome boobies! shame about the desk.'


+ in the opening bit craig invited a couple down and the man proposed to his girlfriend! very cool! (wish i had thought of that... i dont think my wife would have liked it though. she might not have said yes...)
+ 'last week adam lambert was kicked off 'good morning america' and today he was kicked off two more abc shows', craig ferguson shares, 'he's in hot water because he misbehaved on the american music awards. and when i say misbehaved, i mean he simulated gay sex. and if that's a crime, slap the cuffs on me, mister! tighter, tighter. the safety word is 'banana'. anyway, because of his performance, adam lambert is being dropped from abc's big new years eve show, cause, you know, he's doing too much gay stuff i guess. but the show is being hosted by ryan seacrest. mixed message anyone?'
- george lopez
+ a sean connery holiday memory
= onerepublic


+ 'you know, today three more women said they have had affairs with tiger woods', craig ferguson informs, 'i'm like 'alright! golf got sexy! some people are outraged, but i'm impressed- how does he find time to play golf?!? the florida police have now closed the case on the car accident, so they wont take him into custody and away from his wife, no matter how much he begs them to...'
+ kristen bell comes by to help craig read the emails
= paul shaffer
- shohreh aghdashloo


+ 'president obama's address to the nation was on earlier today', criag ferguson reminds us, 'all the networks who showed it, nbc preempted the jay leno show, it was his christmas special as well, i think: 'the chin who stole christmas'. abc had to postpone the charlie brown christmas special too. but here's the thing: cbs did not postpone its christmas special, it was on earlier tonight. it was, of course, the heart warming holiday favorite, the victorias secret christmas fashion show! those girls are so naughty its nice! the victorias secret fashion show is deceptive though, because that lingerie never looks as good on me. anyway, apparently, in the fashion show this year, a model wore a three million dollar bra. three million dollars?!? for that much it should turn your boobies into solid gold! that would be the best bond villain yet, goldboobies. anyway, women's underwear is so much more elaborate than mens. why should women have all the fun with the push up bras and everything. what about push up briefs? yeah!'
+ a sean connery holiday memory

a sean connery christmas memory

craig ferguson has a new segment on the show, this one has craig dressed up like sean connery sharing his christmas memories. the memories themselves always seem to involve drinking and having sex with a man or family member. or both. its not the funniest bit ever on the show, but its somehow just comforting to have craig doing his sean connery impression again, huh? now thats a warm christmas memory!


+ 'last friday was the busiest shopping day of the year', criag fergson shares, 'economists are saying that holiday sales are already below expectations, they are saying, but they havent yet counted the diamond ring tiger woods is going to have to buy his wife. he is in a lot of trouble, tiger. look, if your name is tiger, sooner or later you are going to get in trouble. you are not just going to play golf your whole life... anyway, heres the tiger woods situation: 2:00am friday, tiger's suv crashes into a fire hydrant and a tree. the police arrive, tiger is unconscious, his face is smashed up, and his wife is holding a golf club. now, people are speculating, the bloggers are going crazy, like 'shes holding a golf club, she hit him!' now wait, it doesnt mean that she hit him. think about it, in tiger woods' house golf clubs are everywhere, they do everything with a golf club. they cook with the golf clubs, they brush their hair with the golf clubs, 'honey, can you pass the meatballs?' with a golf club! and, if it was a domestic dispute, and he sees his wife coming up with a golf club, he'd probably be thinking 'oh, thats a terrible backswing, look how her elbow is sticking out!'.'
+ a sean connery holiday memory