+ with the new batman movie coming out, craig ferguson is quite excited, mostly due to the great cast. 'its got michael caine, who i always love. its got morgan freeman, and hes great. he makes every movie he is in worth watching. he narrated that 'march of the penguins' movie. that movie made a ton of money, because penguins are interesting? i think not. no one gives a rats ass about penguins. penguins? theyre like cold pigeons.'
+ the gong show is back, craig ferguson tells us. 'by the way, never trust a rock band that has a gong behind the drum kit, because it means your in for a very bad drum solo. i always wondered, if you are a gong player do you have to carry it around in a big gong case? like, people on the train asking 'so, what instrument do you play?' oh, guess. the giant pancake...'
+ craig ferguson walks on the stage, sits at his desk, and addresses the audience in a very serious manner: 'my fellow americans, our long national nightmare is over. i shaved off my mustache. dont you ooh me, you bastards. ive never been so hated in my life! ive been divorced twice and i've never met the kind of bitterness ive got for trying to grow a mustache!'
just a quick observation: craig fergusons sound effect machine is gone! ever since craig has first been on the air he has had a little machine next to his desk that he would often press buttons on, which made different sound effects. most often he would use this during a return back from a commercial, saying 'welcome back, my cheeky wee monkeys' and then play a monkey sound, or he would say we were naughty and use the whip cracking sound. usually he would use several back to back. another important function was that he used to press a button that would play a mooing sound at the end of his show and say 'well, thats the cow of time, looks like its time to go. good night everybody!' but now with the recent change to craig ending with a show summary he hasnt been doing the cow of time for a while now. he must have figured that it was an opportunity to loose some of the clutter. ill miss some of the sound gags, but its also good that craig is always changing things ups and trying to stay fresh.
+ what will we learn on the show tonight, craig? craig ferguson informs us that 'we will learn what people think of the mustache, including my mother. and prince charles will be stopping by, ive got a sneaking suspicion that hes growing a mustache too!
+ craig runs up the the camera and quietly whispers 'i hate the mustache! but i feel ive committed to it. i dont know what to do. if i shave it off im weak, if i keep it i itch all night long, plus i look like im trying to sell you a car. i dont know what to do...'
'the rather late programme with prince charles' skit
in honor of 'vegas week' this week, craig ferguson unveiled a new vegas email jingle. there already was an email time jingle with a vegas theme, but that one was done in the style of frank sinatra. this one is more of a vegas showgirls style jingle. even the silly paper cutout of craig singing has a mustache!
+ what will we learn on the show tonight craig? during this first segment before the theme song craig sits there with his hand covering his face. 'tonight we will learn what is under my hand. its dirty, its hairy, and it smells delicious...'
+ this week is vegas week! 'its a great day for america everybody, because i have grown a mustache! i shall name him rudy. oh, im seeing it on the monitors for the first time. i think i look like a sleazy actor- what am i saying? i AM a sleazy actor!'
recently craig ferguson has added a new segment to his show. a couple months ago craig began to summarize the show after the last commercial break, asking what we had learned that night. mostly is was an excuse to revisit the jokes from the earlier.
this week though, craig has added a quick segment aired before the show officially begins. its called 'what will we learn on the show tonight, craig?' it serves the same basic purpose as the post show summary, but now it is attempting to entice the viewers with what silly jokes are to come. a very good idea. that way when he gets the the jokes he mentioned earlier we can laugh a little more now knowing that we are in on the silly joke.
+ today craig ferguson is celebrating because its mdagascars Independence day. he talks about the island and some information about it. 'there are many strange animals there, hissing cockroaches, lemurs, and an interior decorator who isnt gay.'
+ three weeks ago craig ferguson gave up coffee. he shares that is was tough at first with the headaches, but now its great. 'although im going to need something to get cranky for the rants on this show now, cause im very upbeat. maybe i should get married again.' which is immediately followed by his uproarious laughter.
+ murder she wrote skit. i must say, they are getting better...
+ according to a new report, craig ferguson tells us, 'many in the netherlands think the world will end in 2012 because that is when the mayan calender ends.' craig goes on to mention that that is ridiculous, but then show a death clock graphic just in case. only 1639 days left!
+ craig ferguson mentions that there is a new family feud show on now. he remembered watching it growing up and it being the first time he had ever seen scottish people on tv, 'well, except for scotty on star trek...'
+ henry winkler comes on to share his tips for making the most of a vacation.
+ the top ten new species list for 2008 has just been reveled, craig ferguson tells us. the rhino horn beetle was on the list. craig tells us 'people thought that a real rhino horn is thought of as an aphrodisiac. when europeans first discovered potatoes they thought raw potatoes were an aphrodisiac too. actually raw potatoes is a very serious syndrome you get from wearing damp trunks for too long...'
this is a segment that places larry king swinging on a vine dispensing wisdom. the latest in a line of strange juxtapositions of famous people and places, such as michael caine in space, and sean connery in a study telling stories of what happened on this day in his life. very random, but really quite funny!
+ on nbc there is a new celebrity circus show, craig ferguson mentions. 'i went to the circus as a child. they always had elephants in a circle and hawaii five-0 theme song. because when i think of elephants, i think of hawaii.'
another thing craig always wondered about the circus: 'lion tamers. they defend themselves with chairs. since when did the king of the jungle become afraid of chairs?!?'
+ 'i am exhausted!' craig ferguson informs us. this past weekend he had been traveling all over doing stand-up gigs. he went to detroit, ontario, and edmonton. 'i must apologize for all the bad things ive said about canada, they treated me wonderfully this weekend. their actually very nice, just like real people...'
+ craig ferguson shows us a picture of a unicorn that was found in italy 'turns out that unicorns are real!' he tells us. 'scientists say its just a deer with weird mutated genes, but i dont believe them.'
+ with the new james bond coming out, they have released the first preview for it. craig ferguson talks a bit about the new movie. he talks about the reports of so many injuries happening on set. it seems that daniel craig recently cut off the top of his finger. hes fine was was back to work the same day, but craig had an idea: 'they should replace the tip of his finger with some james bondy type gadget! they should replace it with a laser! its not big enough for a killer laser, maybe just one to point around and annoy people at the theater...'
craig ferguson introduced another email time jingle, this time it was in the style of 50's sock hop music. it was all in black and white and featured girls with poodle skirts and an ice cream guy, all with craigs face on them! creepy...
+ 'its a good day for america, everybody' is how craig ferguson always starts his show, but today he continued with 'but not such a good day to be a tomato...' the tomato scare has just started, and craig talks about this during his monologue. he refers to the old song about pronouncing the word tomato, 'you say tomato, i tomahto'. 'i used to stay tomahto, but now im an american. who says potahto? terrorists, that who!' craig comes to the realization of what this tomato shortage means: 'no tomatoes means no ketchup- mustard, this is your big chance!'
+ an email asks if craig has ever done voice work for cartoons, and he talks a bit about voicing a villain for the buzz lightyear cartoon.
this year craig ferguson hosted the '4th of july bosten pops fireworks spectacular' on cbs. it was really cool to see him celebrating the 4th of july. i think the reason he hosted this year is because of his new citizenship.
he did a great job, mostly he just welcomed us and introduced different songs played by the boston pops, and announce the beginning of the fireworks display. its obvious that his intros were scripted, and that made it fun when he so obviously disregarded them! hes always been great at improv, so why not let him use that skill, huh?
+ a new survey shows that radio listening is down, craig ferguson tells us. 'its mostly due to teenagers not listening. all the worlds problems can be blamed on them: radio listening down... global warming...' and then craig realizes that hes starting to sound like andy rooney 'oh those kids...'
+ kung fu panda comes out today and craig ferguson talks a bit about it: 'i dont buy it. pandas dont need kung fu, they are bears, they already have fighting skills. they are vicious and always getting in fights, thats why theyve got the black eyes...' craig admits that that is the lamest joke they have ever done, well, actually the fifth lamest joke. then one of the interns comes in with his list of five lamest jokes, and he goes over them to make sure it fits there. it does...
'my dad taught me many things, such as: dont trust a man with a beard, you dont know what hes hiding...'
+ panda mating skit, then fake craig is at the desk and real craig comes out dressed up as guest sean connery. then, a prince charles skit
+ craig ferguson talks about how there is a new show on cbs called 'swingtown', and hes shocked that they can get away with so much on that show. 'im four hours later, and i cant even say the name of an animal that rhymes with 'cleaver'!'
+ ask aquaman skit
- jeff foxworthy. wow, hes a lot funnier in interviews than he is doing his stand-up!
+ 'we now have our presidential candidates', craig ferguson shared, 'hillary just kept going on and on. you know who she reminds me of? the knight in that monty python movie! you cut off an arm, 'oh, its just a scratch, im fine', hes just a head 'come back here, ill bite you, you coward...''
+ today was the big fire at universal studios, craig ferguson tells us. also, over the weekend the 'sex and the city' movie beat 'indiana jones' at the box office. 'now indys not just worried about snakes, but also cougars...'
+ craig sits down in front of his desk and points out to all of us that he got a new desk while he was gone, and boy is it fancy! craig talks about loving the theme song from the indiana jones movies, and he puts words to it! 'hes a hero, your a loser...' 'i think all john williams movie scores are quietly judging you...' his words for the jaws theme: 'loser, loser, loser, loser, its a shark!'
+ today the new indiana jones movie comes out, and craig ferguson is genuinely excited to see it! 'sometimes i come out here and say im excited, but im lying...'
something that craig does regularly is talk about a celebrity and then ask someone off camera to show a picture of them, but its intentionally the wrong picture. he does this quite regularly with paul mccartney. they show a picture of angela lansbury instead (they do look remarkably similar i must admit...) tonight craig asked to see a picture of paul mccartney and they showed the picture of paul instead of angela! craig was furious!
+ reno 911 guys talk to craig about summer safty.
- richard lewis. man, i cant stand watching him be interviewed, hes just too fidgety!